in this situation?

(108 Posts)

It's my dad's significant birthday in a few weeks. Mum and dad have booked a restaurant near them for a big family party. DH and I went with them a number of years ago, and DH was quite ill afterwards, not been since. We didn't mention it to either them or the restarurant at the time, which I now regret.
DH says he's not going. Parents are a bit irritated. Is there any compromise here?

Badvoc Sun 14-Apr-13 20:39:44

Yes, sorry, it's a restaurant.
If he has form for this (being difficult and/or spoiling family occasions) then go in your own with the dc?
If he has a valid medical complaint (does he?) then dont force him to go.
Just go without him and enjoy yourself.
Don't let him play the martyr card.

lastnightidreamt Sun 14-Apr-13 20:39:49

Sat Bains is a bit Heston Blumenthal - depends if that's your sort of thing or not!

Life is too short for this shit

I googled sat bins, looks good but we aren't really going anywhere near. I didn't know if it was your way of subtly dropping a hint, but it seems though it is genuinely nice

Badvoc Sun 14-Apr-13 20:43:19

I have just heard very good things about it and thought your dh wouldn't be able to complain about it! smile
I would love to go.
And yes, life is too short.
Have a lovely time x

Ha! If he's in a complaining mood he'd manage smile

lottiegarbanzo Sun 14-Apr-13 20:54:08

He's being riduculous (if the place had a record of poisoning people it would have been shut down, made to improve or closed through loss of custom) but it sounds as though you'll have a nicer time without him. If he does go, you must prioritise having a nice time yourself over pandering to his obsession. Hope you enjoy yourself!

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 14-Apr-13 20:54:23

Is he most likely to

a. go with but poke at his food suspiciously putting everyone else off their food?

or

b. plan to go but worry himself into green faced misery the morning of the event then have to cry off at the last minute?

Actually, in either case just leave him at home but make sure there is nothing to eat but dog biscuits (buy them in if you need to!).

Lol at dog biscuits. Unfortunately he can phone a takeaway shop

Hassled Sun 14-Apr-13 20:59:48

Is he a bit phobic about D&V? I mean I know none of us exactly welcome it with open arms, but it's a lot harder for some people to cope with. Is it actually anxiety about the risk of possibly having D&V, if you see what I mean?

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 14-Apr-13 21:00:15

Not if you accidentally take his wallet with you!

Well he has plenty of practice hassled. No, I don't think he's any more bothered than average about d and v.
What do I say when we're all tucking into our meals and great aunt Sylvia asks where he is?

lottiegarbanzo Sun 14-Apr-13 21:10:47

If he's not going, he has to provide the excuse. Otherwise you think of an embarrasing one and assure him you'll tell people that.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 14-Apr-13 21:20:34

But really, I do think he needs to stop being such a silly billy and recognise than when we become grown ups, we sometimes have to do things we don't like, for the benefit of other people.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 21:31:50

"Well, Great Aunt Sylvia, thanks for asking but it's like this. My husband prefers to cut off his nose to spite his face. I have no idea why. Hopefully one day he will discover A Grip. Until then, how are your bunions coming along...?"

Yes, agree. But I'm not responsible for his behaviour or decisions. Fast coming to realise that

lottiegarbanzo Sun 14-Apr-13 21:38:56

I'd go for, lowered voice, 'men's troubles. He went to see the doctor yesterday and he's feeling a little bit uncomfortable... down there.' Conspiratorial nod.

Unless you have very uninhibited aunts, I don't think that line of discussion will be progressing further.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 21:43:32

grin

oh thatis evil smile
I think DH is coming to the conclusion he should get a grip and go.
I'm not sure what would be best tbh

Urgh sick of this fight

Just told him that people don't tend to miss their wife's fathers birthday unless there are significant problems in the marriage, and anything I say to 'explain' will sound like a weak excuse.

So bloody annoyed with I now. I won't be seeking one out but if a divorce lawyer knocked at the door right now I'd consider it

If he genuinely had a bad D&V experience that he believes originated from there then I can understand why he would be anxious about going back - and anxiety can often result in an upset stomach anyway so it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I haven't dared to go back to Alton Towers, put it that way grin Or indeed France (less rational).

^ ^ That's the benefit of the doubt. His feelings could be genuinely deep seated.

On the other hand, it is a royal pain dealing with someone whose dietary preferences/needs cut out places or events you'd prefer to try. If he has form for making things all about him then I can see why you'd feel less tolerant.

I'm torn. I think in general adults should "man up" for this kind of event, and it would be the height of rudeness to go but fuss about the food once there. If he does go, he acts like an adult. If he doesn't go, all you need to say to enquiries is "he isn't well today".

Lol. He doesn't have dietary stuff but I do feel he's always ill. But then he says not. Don't know what to think tbh. He's now saying he will come. So why did he absolutely put his foot down yesterday and I had to call and upset my mum.
Don't think I'm thinking about this clearly any more. All tied up with other stuff. I need a break from it all

Oh now I've been speaking to dad and am in floods of tears again. It shouldn't be this hard for them t buy us a meal for his birthday

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