Getting money back from family member

(8 Posts)
JoRich77 Wed 10-Apr-13 09:38:48

Hi
Am getting more and more irritated with OH- he lent a couple of thousand pounds to his sister about 6 months ago. It was to help her buy stock for for her business i understand. He didnt ask me before he lent her the money and we have since had words about that.

Now things are tight with me about to go on Maternity leave and not once in the past 6 months has she mentioned the money or offered to pay it back which i think is very odd (most normal people I know would feel guilty and mention how grateful they are at least).

He said he would ask her for the money back but he hasnt, i guess pride keeps getting in the way. He has dropped hints about money being tight and she hasnt said anything.

Do you think it is reasonable for me to email his sister behind his back and say we really need the money please? I could call her but a bit difficult as she is living overseas.

What is everyones thoughts on this?

J

Toasttoppers Wed 10-Apr-13 09:50:42

I think if you do it behind his back you will end up having a big row. He should have spoken to you about lending money though so he has quite clearly been an idiot.

I would actually write him an email explaining that he has to ask her formally and not drop hints for a return of the money owed. He should ask not you as his arrangement. I would say mail her by x date and copy me in bcc when you do and that if he doesn't then you will ask her. Obviously you then have to do that but you have given him fair warning.

MrsGrumps Thu 11-Apr-13 13:43:52

A bit late now and impossible for you as it was behind your back, but you never lend friends & family money unless you never expect to see it again. If you do then it is a bonus but rarely do they pay it back.

A lesson I learnt a long while ago, but as I said it was behind your back and you couldn't stop it. sad

expatinscotland Thu 11-Apr-13 13:45:17

I'd email her.

mortifieddotcom Thu 11-Apr-13 15:01:44

I'd email her but say it doesn't have to be paid in one go. Give her a couple of different options e.g. 4 x £500 or 20 x £100.

Kafri Thu 11-Apr-13 20:06:36

Could you draft an email and show DH before you hit send? Or, write an email together?

I'd be wary about going behind DH's back if I were you. You've had words with him about lending the money behind your back so it would be a little unfair to go behind his back now.

I do agree though that something at least needs to be said to his sister about the money. Did she tell DH how long the loan would be for in the first place?

I also agree that you should never lend what you can't afford to lose - though like someone else said, you can't be held accountable for it since you didn't know until afterwards anyway.

I'd certainly be making sure that one way or another DH is in contact with DS about the loan - he loaned it, so he needs to try to get it back. Saying that, there's no guarantee you'll ever see it again so i'd think about preparing for maternity without it.

bellablot Fri 12-Apr-13 09:29:00

I would be careful, do you know the circumstances by which the money was lent? Did she say she would pay back, did he say "whenever you have it" ( which means never!)

I honestly think you should keep out of it re sister but keep on your DH's case about it. Did he lend it from money or your joint finances. Wouldn't forgive him if it was joint, what an idiot but his money.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 21-Apr-13 07:48:11

Hi id say to your OH 'come on,lets write an email together"he prob feels really bad about it now and sometimes people hide from dealing with things because they are scared of the outcome.Doing it together will let him know youre supporting him and are united in your decision rather than it being a battle between you two x

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