Would you stay or go? How can I decide?

(6 Posts)
Leafmould Sat 16-Mar-13 20:55:21

I grew up rural. My folks thought it would be fine for teenagers. It wasn't. If your heart desires to be there long long term, like the rest of your life, then put roots down and try to develop that support network where you are, difficult though it is. If not, cut your losses.

uptherear Mon 04-Mar-13 19:54:40

Am I happy? Mm depends what day you ask. I know since I have moved here I have cried a lot. But that could be lack of support. We moved away from all our family and a huge network of school/uni/work friends. To a place where we knew no one.
Ten years from now if I still felt like this I wouldn't be happy. I haven't been able to replace the friends I lost. The friends with whom I can wholly be myself, warts and all. I have come close. I have friends who are in many ways 'better' friends, more willing to help, kinder more thoughtful perhaps but also far more reserved. Sometimes I feel like I could burst because I feel I have to be careful. Sometimes I feel like I am not quite being myself yet in many ways I know I am a different person than I was before. Am I making any sense?
As for the dc, they are young. The oldest was only 4 when we arrived. They don't know any other life so if you ask are they happy here they say yes.
Think it would be fine for teenagers here.
Its more dh and I who find it hard. Heavy snow for me means the 50 mile round trip to swimming/supermarket is a nightmare and heating the house a constant chore, for the dc it means snowmen, sledging and snowballs.
They have a couple of friends each and are happy with that. I know the benefits of a larger circle and having better odds of a true friend rather than an almost forced friendship because there are only two/three kids.
Have made a list tonight. Dh made one and so did I. Main points were the same. At least we are on the same page!!

HecateWhoopass Mon 04-Mar-13 17:03:04

Are you happy?

When you think of yourself in 10 years time, living where you are now, with things as they are now - does that make you happy?

Sometimes you have to take a chance. you can't know that things will be better, but better to try than not, don't you think?

What do the children feel? Are they happy? How old are they? How is life going to be for them living so rurally? As they grow older?

uptherear Mon 04-Mar-13 16:23:49

Hecate thanks for your reply.
I think.if I was to toss a coin I'd be hoping it said stay but I think thats because I am afraid that moving would be the wrong decision. I just feel with the dc to uproot them I would have to be so sure.
My friend felt exactly like i do and she moved. She emails me regularly saying I should just do it and how much easier life is for her now. I suppose I'm just worried it might not work out so well for us. There is a lot to like about my life but I miss my old friends, miss people to laugh with. Although I 'know' most of the people here I have very few friends past the superficial stage.
I have made a list before and the positive things where we live now make a long list. But the few things on the negative list are so important. Perhaps essential.

HecateWhoopass Mon 04-Mar-13 16:08:07

Whenever I struggle with a choice, I toss a coin.

It's the best method I have ever found for choosing.

The instant the coin is in the air I know whether I want it to be heads or tails grin

Perhaps you could write a list of pros and cons - as a family. Get the kids involved too?

Sounds to me like you want to move, but just need that final little push.

uptherear Mon 04-Mar-13 16:00:08

I am in a constant state of uncertainty.
To cut LONG story as short as possible- dh and I moved to a very remote area for his job over 5 yrs ago. Two years down the line he was made redundant and now works away half the week in new job. Where we live is beautiful and lovely for the dc. However its not an easy life being so rural comes at a price and worst of all people are not friendly. Of the few good friends we have made almost half have moved away and today I learned that another lovely friend is also moving. The dc go to a tiny school and whilst this has many positive aspects it has plenty negatives too.
It seems to be a constant topic in our house- should we move?
I know no one can make the decision for us but would you take it as a sign that things cannot be right if all it takes is one little thing to get us thinking 'lets move'. I just don't know whats for the best and so constantly feel unsettled.
Anyone got any advice? 'pull yourself together love' perhaps grin

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