5 year old (very naughty) boy was smacked by another parent at a party...WWYD?

(58 Posts)
ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:26:46

I was at a party at the weekend and there was a boy there, age 5, who was whacking everyone with an inflatable sword. I mean absolutely WHACKING the other kids, many smaller than him and also girls. He was making many of them cry because of his behaviour. This boy is in my sons class at school and he is constantly in trouble, I've seen him push kids over in the playground, throw stones at people etc.

His mum or dad weren't at the party, the mum dropped him off and left. The parent of the birthday boy finally had enough of the boys behaviour and after he whacked yet another person in the face and made them cry, he went over and smacked him on the bottom. Me and another women saw it and we just looked at each other and pretended we hadn't seen it. It wasn't a hard smack and TBH I don't think the parent was particularly out of order given what the boy was doing. Although I wouldn't have smacked him but would have had some very stern words instead. The boy didn't seem too bothered about the smack.

I think the wee boy needs far more discipline given his behaviour but I was also a bit shock to see another parent (who didn't know him) smack him at the party.

WWYD in such a situation?

I would have removed the sword after the first whack.

I would have separated the child from the other children for a few minutes if similar behaviour continued.

If that didn't work, I would phone the parents and ask them to come and collect him.

I would never have smacked him.

If my child were behaving like this and another adult smacked them, I would be very shock

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:47:18

I don't think the boys mum should have left him at the party alone, she must know what he's like as he is constantly in trouble at school. I don't think the birthday boys mum should be blamed or be responsible for his behaviour. The birthday boys parents were running about organising food etc. Not sure if they even had the mums number cos they didn't even know who he was (it was a blanket invite to kids from nursery and the boy tagged along with his wee brother).

And I've seen The Slap, it was the first thing that sprang to mind!!

Viewofthehills Mon 25-Feb-13 21:47:55

I spent most of DS's 6th birthday restraining an out of control boy who just wanted to fight/ throw food/ spit. ( it was 5 yrs before we invited him again though) Under no circumstances would I ever hit someone else's child. How is that going to teach him not to hit anyway?

What would I have done if I was you? Possibly tried to talk to the boy and made him stop hurting others. Probably told the party boy's Dad to step away and let someone else deal with him if he couldn't control himself.

I agree with amistillsexy my dd is on the ASD spectrum and is the most well behaved child I've ever known! (Unlike her younger NT sister)! Naughty doesn't automatically equal on the spectrum.

FabulousFreaks Mon 25-Feb-13 21:50:05

I am totally shocked. This is so unacceptable. I would be so furious is someone touched my child. They should be reported frankly. If a teacher did that there wuld be hell to pay. You do not touch other people's children in such a way end of! I think the child's parents should be told.

I don't think I would ever associate with the adult who msacked him ever again and would never allow my child near them. Disgusting

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:52:23

As I said earlier, there were about 20 swords lying about so I don't know if a sword was confiscated or not, if it was he could easily get another one! Wouldn't be fair to take them all away cos all the other kids were fine with them!

And don't think the parents had the naughty boys parents number as they didn't even know who he was!

5madthings Mon 25-Feb-13 21:52:40

If i was hosting a party and a child behaved like this i would remove sword, have words and if they seemed like they were getting carried away i would try distraction ie 'i really need some help with... ' and give them a little job to 'help' me with the party. If they really were uncontrollable i would call their parents.

Always make sure you have a contact number if parents are leaving kids!!

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Feb-13 21:53:24

Not having a contact number for every child at the party is irresponsible.

5madthings Mon 25-Feb-13 21:54:02

If they didnt know who.he was why did they let him in/let him.be left?!

FabulousFreaks Mon 25-Feb-13 21:56:13

They are doubly irresponsible by first laying their hands on the child and secondly not having contact numbers. What is there was an accident. These birthday parents sound horrendous, why would you ever want to associate with them again?

MerryCouthyMows Mon 25-Feb-13 22:01:34

In glad amistillsexy posted something along the lines of what I was going to post although FAR less sweary.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:02:12

To be honest, it sounds as though the party was not very well thought through any way...'blanklet invites' where siblings are allowed to come along without their parents, and without anyone knowing them...a tub of twenty swords 'provided', which most children 'used appropriately' hmm...host parents rushing around sorting out the food, whislt the children played with toy swords.

It sounds like a recipe for diaster to be honest. There's a reason why children's parties traditionally had organised games and a small guest list, and this type of fiasco is that reason!
Little children like to be organised and told what to do. They need to know what the boundaries are and what is expected of them. They need to feel that the adults around them are able to keep them safe.

The party was badly organised, and the host parent behaved inappropriately, IMO.

ClaudiaSchiffer Mon 25-Feb-13 22:02:40

Of ffs there was one naughty boy FabulousFreaks, it was hardly a horrendous party. Way to overreact.

FWIW I would like to think I would remove the naughty boy, until he was able to play without beating up the others but frankly I think it sounds like he deserved a smack.

Kewcumber Mon 25-Feb-13 22:03:13

who has a 5 yr old they don't know at a big party without any contact phone number, doesn't intervene when the child starts behaving very badly but instead goes straight for a firm slap. both sets of parents sound every bit as badly behaved as the child. Did anyone slap them? it might have done more good.

CarlingBlackMabel Mon 25-Feb-13 22:03:43

However busy the parents were, however badly behaved the child, however absent the child's mother (parent!) none of it excuses hitting someone else's child. The party Dad was 100% inexcusably wrong.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:04:27

grin at Merry Not often I'm not the most sweary one wink.

FabulousFreaks Mon 25-Feb-13 22:06:29

I said the parents of the birthday child were horrendous not the party. I wasn't at the party, who knows how horrendous it was or wasn't. But I do believe parents who just let in a bunch of kids and have no contact numbers and resolve issues with violence are indeed horrendous, revolting and disgusting. Hope that clears that one up for you ClaudiaSchif. And fwiw dealing with violent behaviour with yet more violence is hardly very effective now is it?

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:11:01

The little brother goes to nursery with the birthday boy. The mum seems to take both boys to various parties that the other boy is invited to, and leaves them both. I can only assume the hosts knew both boys were coming but don't know the boys well, only from the younger one going to nursery.

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:13:46

Actually tbh the party was utterly crazy. Big bouncy castle, kids jumping on top of each other etc, to the point I took my boys off it after one got his head jumped on by a bigger kid!

I wasn't originally going to stay but I decided to cos it was pretty chaotic!

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:13:49

OP, are you wanting to canvass opinions on the host's behaviour, or on what we would have done in your position?

Had I been at that party as a parent of a child who'd been invited, I would have stepped in straight away to remove the sword from the boy, and engaged him in another activity, or 'helping', given that the hosts weren't doing so.

Had I been the host of the party, I would have had plenty of games to play so that the children weren't left too much to their own devices. I would also have collected contact details for all parents who dropped and left, and made it clear that the party was for invited children only, so the brother would not have been there in the first place.

If you are asking what we would do now, given that this has all happened, then I would chalk it up to experience, and take notes of all the mistakes made by these parents, so that you I didn't find myself in that position in the future! It is up to the mother of the asaulted boy to figure out what she should do, if her son tells her what happened.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:16:02

Given your last post, OP, I think it was a very badly thought out party. Typical casew of parents wanting to please the children without thinking through how children would behave in this situation.

I would have made my excuses and left very soon after it started!

OneHandFlapping Mon 25-Feb-13 22:18:30

I would have privately cheered the parent who dished out the smack.

A humiliating swipe on the bum is not tantamount to child abuse, and it sounds like this out of control little horror needed it.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:25:55

It may not be child abuse, One hand, but it is assault.

From the OP's last post, it sounds as if this boy wasn't the only on e who was out of control. The fault lies at the door of the adults who didn't think carefully enough about the practicalities of hosting a children's party.

The hosts created the opportunity for children to go wild. Then they decided to hit the child who really took them up on it.

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:29:04

A lot of kids were a bit wild on the bouncy castle but that was from bouncing, this kid was the only one who was deliberately hurting others.

Hulababy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:32:16

I don't agree with hitting children, regardless, so would be cross.
There are, imo, far more effective ways to discipline a child - smacking, again imo, is not necessary.

Not sure how you can justify hitting a child for hitting other children tbh???

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