Bullying Mother at School

(18 Posts)
Smiffffy Fri 08-Feb-13 17:11:38

Wonder if anyone else has come across a similar situation and has any advice please? My husband and family constantly tell me just to ignore this person but its becoming increasingly difficult to do so.

I'll try and keep this brief....please bear with me.
My daughter and Mum M's daughter are in the same class at school and have been for the past 5 years.

I am a working Mum of one. In the past I've had 2 jobs and so was always on the rush, always disorganised and probably not quite as attentive as I should have been. Most of the mums at school know me well and have never minded. Some are even in the same boat. Mum M has always pretended to understand and has pretended to be a friend. We found out at the beginning of 2012 that Mum M has actually got a HUGE issue with our daughter and has been complaining about her, behind my back, for years! When I finally plucked up the courage to tell her knew about the complaints - she went absolutely postal on us! I've had emails/vxmails on both my home and mobile, posts on facebook either directly to me or about me, posted for all the other Mums to see (most of whom know it is about me), this is on both my personal and business FB accounts. Its always in the same vein.....about how dreadful my daughter is, how I don't parent her (everyone says she is the most polite happiest girl they know) and that my daughter is a danger to everyone in her class. I've seen the teachers and the headmistress all who say this is just not true at all. This woman has now threatened me several times on Facebook "I'm going to get you" . Despite having blocked her on my personal, she left a "hahaha just so you know I can get to you if I want to" under a different name on my business account! I'm at my wits end as her latest rant about how every teacher in the last 4 years has had an issue with my daughter (again completely untrue) has been copied to other Mums in the class via email. As you can imagine its left them all feeling uncomfortable. I'm worried that I will be ostrisized because of this woman as who would want to get involved or be friendly with me and my child with this woman lurking in the background ready to pounce! I've tried ignoring her and yet its still going on and she is obviously not going to go away. I don't want to remove my daughter from the school either, it doesn't give her the right messages and why should I when she is excelling at her schoolwork. Its like every time Mum M catches a glimpse of me, it sets her off on a new rant.
Short of reporting her to the police, which I don't want to do, I've run out of ideas on how to cope with her. Its really really getting me down. Any ideas would be very greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

FlorriesDragons Fri 08-Feb-13 17:13:55

What is wrong with done people! I'm afraid I would be looking to report her for harassment at this point op.

TheFallenNinja Fri 08-Feb-13 17:17:07

If you engage with her you're just playing her game by her rules.

If there are threats that you have evidence of go to the Police.

I would be extremely curious of the real reason behind this vitriolic campaign.

Moominsarehippos Fri 08-Feb-13 17:19:38

Keep copies of everything. She sounds unhinged! I would speak to the Head so that the school knows there is an issue there and keep them informeds of her threats, accusations and actions.

Not sure of you can go to the police about this - can you call the non emergency number and ask? I would be very unnerved if this haappened to me. Is your daughter ok? How old is she?

Smiffffy Fri 08-Feb-13 17:19:42

Hi FlorriesDragons, thanks for the support. I know, I just don't understand it myself, how anyone can hate someone as much as this woman clearly seems to hate me and my daughter. She obviously has issues and I keep hoping she'll find someone else to direct them at but I'm beginning to lose hope on that one. Perhaps I will have to go down the harassment route. It just seems a bit drastic....still maybe its time for drastic! Thanks so much for your comments.

Smiffffy Fri 08-Feb-13 17:26:28

Hi Moominsarehippos - I know, I am pretty sure she has issues, her behaviour certainly is over the top! I am keeping copies of everything. Unfortunately the two 'threats' she posted were removed before I could copy them. I saw one and went to print it and she removed it immediately. Then once I'd blocked her a friend saw one pop up (when she was feeding her baby at 2am) and it was removed by the morning so she couldn't forward it to me. I have spoken to the Head and she suggested the police.
My daugther is 8years old. She can be bolshy sometimes but certainly no more than most 8 year olds. I'm trying to hide the extent of the 'hatred' from her. Mum Ms daughter now either refuses to play with my daughter in the play ground or says "I'm deciding if I want to play with you or not!". I have no advice to give other than "Stick with it honey and if she wants to play and you do, then do and if she doesn't, find someone else". I'm trying to keep up with playdates so that she makes other friends but I'm definitely getting the impression people are wary and who can blame them!!!

Moominsarehippos Fri 08-Feb-13 17:29:26

Sounds like she drinks and puts them up when sozzled, then takes them down when sober.

I'd try to avoid as much as humanly possible, but still keep every word. What do the other mums say?

Smiffffy Fri 08-Feb-13 17:31:56

The ones that do talk to me about it say I should go to the police too. They are wary of getting involved and don't like to talk about it, in case they get dragged in and she starts on them too. Which is fair enough and I don't want to put them or their daughters in the way of this woman....after all I know first hand whats it like to be on her 'hit' list!

cocolepew United States Fri 08-Feb-13 17:33:40

I would seek advice from the police.

scarlettsmummy2 Fri 08-Feb-13 17:35:37

I would report her to the police! Them having a word with her may well be enough. Either that or get her sectioned wink

Pancakeflipper Fri 08-Feb-13 17:35:41

I would gather in the screenshots. I would write time-line on what has happened when and I would ask for a meeting with the HT. Say you are worried it could be affecting your child with her peers and her relationship with staff.

I wouldn't worry about other people - they will be giving her a wide berth with wide eyes. They will know if it wasn't you she was laying into - it could be them.

DeepRedBetty Fri 08-Feb-13 17:36:30

If she's putting stuff on your professional web pages (like FB) then it's definitely time for police involvement. This is no longer just about your peace of mind (and the harassment in that way is quite bad enough) but your professional life and your business. I'd go ballistic if anyone posted nasty comments on my business's FB page!

FelicityWasCold Fri 08-Feb-13 17:36:36

Police.

Screenshot anything and everything that comes up.- if you don't already know how learn the quick keyboard shortcut to do this so you can capture things the second they appear.

Tbh I wouldn't have blocked her on FB because its quicker and easier to gather evidence against her if she writes it down... I doesn't sound like she will go away without intervention, and only the police can so that.

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 17:37:10

Take screen shots and print out everything and have a solicitor write to her telling her to back off harrassing you and threatening you, or you will involve the police.

But do take heed of what she is saying about your daughter. I bet there is more than a grain of truth in there somewhere, however badly she is handling it.

Moominsarehippos Fri 08-Feb-13 17:37:28

I suspect that she has other 'targets' too.

Smiffffy Fri 08-Feb-13 17:51:22

Thanks to all for the generous and thoughtful advice. I think its obviously time to go down the police route. I really appreciate everyone's time and effort to respond. FellatioNelsoOn - hhhhmmmm.....your last comment. I have gone through all of her 'accusations' with the Headmistress and our current teacher and was told categorically "there is nothing you aren't dealing with that you should be, your daughter is bright and an absolute delight, she is none of the things she has been accused of". So.....I really don't think there is ANY truth in anything the woman has said...which is why its all the more hurtful. I'm not stupid or naive but this is what it is.....pure irrational hate. Outside of school we have lots of friends and a large family - all of whom completely poo poo what the woman has said too. Maybe it would help to give you the 'worst' accusation - Apparently my daughter put her daughter in danger. This is 5 peoples different accounts against Mum Ms account: "After school sports day, my daughter asked my mother to accompany her and Mum Ms daughter to the school wood / lake to show off their 'mini beast' project. My mother said she didn't want to go so Mum Ms husband went with them both. Mum M then proceeded to claim to the school that my daughter took her daughter to a dangerous area where they both could have drowned and my daughter should be excluded from school. 1. they were with an adult, 2. my daughter when questioned by myself and teachers - said she would not have gone to the place without an adult as its forbidden. I believe her. The womans husband was with them for goodness sake!!! Does she not consider her own husband to be a responsible adult then?

lljkk Netherlands Sat 16-Feb-13 11:26:56

update?

Lonelybunny Thu 21-Feb-13 21:04:55

Hello probably a bit late but I'm in no where near as bad a situation but sort of similar. A lady up my daughters school seems to have taken a disliking to me and I don't actually know her personally . She went mental at me one day in a supermarket in front mo mine and her children screaming that I stare at her all the time hmm and she was going mental seriously I was just gobsmacked ! Since then she was getting her kids out of the car at school one day and put them to one side then stood in the middle of the pavement deliberately to block me from getting past just giving me absolute daggers. However I know she isn't all the ticket as the school refuse to speak with her unless she it acompanied by another adult . However if she ever speaks or blocks me again I will be speaking to the police because I am not having her yell and swear in front of my children for no reason what so ever. Good luck

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