Friend wants money from me today for lodging costs.

(144 Posts)
Charlene1 Sat 03-Nov-12 17:39:02

I had a fight with my partner 4 weeks ago and rung my friend saying we'd split up for good. She told me I could stay with them, wouldn't take no for an answer, and she picked me up from my house. I have known her 3 years, but her husband is my ex from years ago, so I have known him a long time and we have stayed friends (nothing more!!!!) - he said he would not see me go without or suffer and i could stay there as long as it took to get sorted. She said the same. Money was roughly mentioned saying i could "throw money in to contribute" as if i stayed permanently they would expect a 3rd of the rent and bills - about £65pw at a guess?? She told me to tell my ex partner i was staying there paying £25pw to stop him taking all the money from the joint account. I have chipped in to buy some food, cat food, fags, beer and a £10 bill they needed paying. I have used the shower and put some clothes in to wash when they did, used their wireless broadband, socket to charge my phone up every couple of days and used the kettle to make cups of tea. I have been going back to my house nearly every day to wash other clothes, cook food and use the shower.
Everything has been fine until she suddenly started being funny with me about 2 weeks ago and he was barely talking to me - I asked him if I'd done something wrong and he said no. I only thought I would be there for a couple of weeks but am having loads of trouble finding a new place to live - my alternative was to go home to a bad situation, which is not what I wanted, or go to a refuge miles away and I wouldn't be able to see my kids or go to work as I have no transport. He wrote me a note and left it for me on Thursday morning saying they wanted me out by Friday (last night) and they want £200 for services used/lodging money - they did not put a date they wanted it by. I asked why he couldn't talk to me about it and he said it was easier to write a note. I left Thursday morning after saying I would probably ring him today to sort out dropping money off (I didn't say how much though) and have now had a text from him today asking what time to expect the money as it is "due today". I don't have £200 spare as it would mean taking money from what I need to get a new house (advance rent) and I have no other savings, only enough in the bank left over for food etc till payday at the end of the month. He thinks I am abusing his trust now by not intending to pay - I have just text back saying no I'm not - I can pay in bits but not all at once. She has not text or spoken to me whatsoever - neither of them have asked if I am all right and if I have a roof over my head now / in the refuge etc. I would not have got through the last month if they hadn't taken me in and supported me through the split, but what do I do now????

lisad123 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:03:57

Nope unlikely council would house you as you have a house and you moved out.
So if private rents are too costly where will you go?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:04:17

walter

hang on a sec. if one of my friends was fleeing violence and i put them up for 4 weeks i wouldnt ask for money 4 weeks down the line and i would be helping them find somewhere safe to go.

you dont do that to friends you are trying to protect.

nancy75 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:05:11

Ok, none of this is making much sense, but re the situation with the friends, I can understand why they are annoyed, they probably thought you would o ly be there a few days or would be contributing more than you have. You should pay them sone money to cover the time you spent living there, but if you don't have it then you can't pay them. I don't really understand what you are asking

BlameItOnTheCuerveForTreason Sun 04-Nov-12 00:05:30

sock, and you wouldnt raise an eyebrow at them leaving the kids? and as boo has said, the op hasnt said that he was violent.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:07:22

i would actually insist they brought the kids along.

but your right the op hasnt said...............

come on then op who was the violent one?

Viviennemary Sun 04-Nov-12 00:10:04

They have done you a favour though letting you stay. So you can't be too mad with them!!

BlameItOnTheCuerveForTreason Sun 04-Nov-12 00:10:53

me too. to not shows selfishness of a pretty disgusting level.

and if the op was violent, well, I can see why the friends would suddenly go cold.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sun 04-Nov-12 00:12:30

SO your kids are in the family home and you are popping round there every day to see them while staying rent-free at your friends? I think you have been given terrible advice somewhere along the line: a violent man can be forcibly removed from the home and forbidden to return, and if he is violent towards you then surely it's not safe for you to keep going back to the house?

BlameItOnTheCuerveForTreason Sun 04-Nov-12 00:13:46

SGB, the op hasnt said that the dp was violent. just that there was violence, which is why she's not going back.

BlameItOnTheCuerveForTreason Sun 04-Nov-12 00:14:03

but, you know, its ok to leave your kids there...

Charlene1 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:20:33

BlameItOnTheCuerveForTreason - you are twisting things and getting it wrong - that is NOT the case at all.
Partner doesn't work, so has no money, therefore easier for me to move out with kids and he stays until house is sold then sort himself out etc. I just couldn't take them at the time. For me to pay rent on a new place does mean missing a months mortgage, but I can sort that at a later date, not an issue. What I can't do is find £200 for last month immediately to give my friend as I don't have it without taking it from food money for the next 2 weeks.
waltermittymissus - i did not take the piss and i have nothing to be ashamed of - i did the best thing by leaving and trying to get rehoused elsewhere so don't speak to me like that please.
Sockreturningpixie - thank you, yes this is what i have realised now - she has manipulated me over the whole situation and completely stabbed me in the back all round - I think she wants me left with no house, relationship, job, kids, money etc to get me back for being her husbands ex!!! Mad, but plenty of my real mates have suggested that's what she's doing!! She told me not to go back, stay as long as i like, as i was seeing the kids every day anyway so it didn't make a lot of difference in that respect that i just slept elsewhere.

Charlene1 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:21:57

No i wasn't violent - he was - it was a row that turned bad and i got scared and panicked

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:23:15

so who was the violent one?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:23:38

sorry xposted

Charlene1 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:25:08

I thought he was going to hit me - It was NOT me doing the violence!

nancy75 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:25:11

Missing your mortgage payments is an issue, surely it is easier for your ex to move out on his own than for you and your children to have to go, especially as you are paying for the house?

BooyhooRemembering Sun 04-Nov-12 00:26:53

so was there violence or not? confused

Charlene1 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:26:59

council just can't house me as there is none available - doesn't matter if kids are with me or not, there are just too many people needing houses and a lot worse off than me!!

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:27:38

you do realise that as things stand now, you have effectivly handed him pwc status dont you, and your going to struggle in the future if you ever need to get legal with regard to the kids and getting help about his violence.

seriously you need to get your arse to a decent solisiters asap but get your kids first.

he could make things very very differcult for you if you leave things as they are.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 04-Nov-12 00:27:47

So that's what your 'real mates' are saying? Where were those mates when you needed somewhere to live? If your friend wanted to see you with nothing then she wouldn't have taken you in in the first place. You sound shockingly ungrateful.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:28:51

christ. have you lost your mind?

you own a house,you pay the bills,you have kids.

go back and make him leave

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 04-Nov-12 00:29:58

he can go and stay with his mother

nancy75 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:30:31

But if you have a house why would they need to rehouse you, why not just get him to leave, then the children are not uprooted, at least until the house sells. Sorry to be mean,but where he lives is not your problem, if you are the one paying for the house you should be living in it

Charlene1 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:45:16

dickie - i have learned a lot about my friend over the last few weeks and she isn't what i thought she was at all - far from it!! I have done nothing to her, and always supported her through bad times she's had. Not ungrateful - just feel very shocked and betrayed!!
Solicitors advised me sell house and start afresh as rent would be cheaper than my mortgage so i'd be better off all round - someone is coming to look at house tomorrow so fingers crossed they want it! Just thought it was easier to get a new place now rather than go back and have the hassle of making him leave as they said i'd have to go to court (can't afford it!!), and then i have to leave again when house sells??

nancy75 Sun 04-Nov-12 00:49:45

Is the house in both your names? I would think very carefully about missing mortgage repayments, even if the people that come tomorrow want to buy it all takes a while to go through, you could be stuck with mortgage and rent for some months, also if you are looking at renting they will credit check you, if you are still liable for a mortgage I doubt anyone would let you rent too.

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