debt and thoughts of suicide

(271 Posts)
joee123 Thu 25-Oct-12 21:33:23

I am a single mum with a ten year old.i am drowning in debt and santander are taking me to court on the 5th november for repossession.the council and debts agencies are pushingme from pillar to post.my daughter goes away on sunday for 1 week.i feel quite calm now as im planning to take my life.i know she will be looked after.i dont even know why im here.im jyst desperate i suppose

kilmuir Thu 25-Oct-12 22:04:17

it is only money.
look at your daughter, do you really want to leave her on her own?
some great advice on here.
i wish you well, hang in there and go bankrupt if you must

ChristmasKate Thu 25-Oct-12 22:05:17

My aunt killed herself when my cousin was 11 and I was 15.

It ruined her fucking life forever, she never ever got over the fact that her mum didn't love her enough to stay with her (even though the suicide note said differently)

My cousin became destructive, she changed from a fun loving preteen to self hater, she skipped from one desperate relationship to another and allowed anyone to abuse her just so she could feel love again.

And that is still going on today, 20 years after her other took her love away by killing herself.

Don't do it.

lucyellenmum Thu 25-Oct-12 22:06:53

Oh honey, you poor poor thing - i know how horrible debt can be, it can feel so overwhelming. Have you spoken to anyone about the repossesion? can it be avoided? If it can't then fuck it, its only a house - it could actually work in your favour, you will be entitled to housing benefits if you are not working etc, if you are working you'll get help. It will be shit, but afterwards i think you'll think it was the best thing that can happen. You HAVE to take this attitude to it you have to.

Have the cscs offered a definate plan of action? IVA? debt management plan? We were in a terrible state, we owed so much money, behind with mortgage but the worst thing was the multiple creditors harrassing us for money all the time. The solution for us was a debt management plan and now we pay £100 a month on 15k worth of debts and will be clear in 11 years. It seems a long time but £100 is managable.

You seem very calm and practical about taking your life - so redirect that calmness and objectivity into sorting your debts out. If the house goes, its a new start, a clean slate for you and your daughter.

The other posters are right, your DD needs YOU, you wont be on the streets, that wont happen it just wont.

I have been suicidal with the pressure of debts and struggled for a long time, with the help of mumsnet, my DR and anti-depressants i got through it. We still have debts, im not convinced we will keep our house, but i know i will get throuh it. I woudl imagine how i would do it, but then i would imagine my DD visiting my grave and that snapped me out of it.

There is no-one like your mum, please try to imagine your DDs first period, she will want her mum, when she is falling out with her best friend at school, she will want her mum, first boyfriend, she will want her mum. Picture her wedding day, the happiest day of her life, but there will be a big pit of sadness in her tummy because her mum isn't there. Everything good that happens to your DD will be tainted if you do this because you wont be there to share it with her. Everything bad that happens to your DD will be worse becaues you wont be there to get her through it.

Try and see past this horrible stage of your life, its at rock bottom just now, but two years down the line it will be sorted one way or another, you'll be on top of your debts, you might have a new job, a new man even, you'll be in your kitchen making a cup of tea and just feel overwhelmed with a sense of calm and happy, your DD will be 12 and entering into a really big stage of her life, she will be making decisions at school about what she wants to do, you'll be helping her with it, you will have girlie nights in together watching your favourite tv programs, i think you'll have a cat too, a ginger one.

Be strong now, you have hard things to face, but the good stuff is waiting for you - i promise.

joee123 Thu 25-Oct-12 22:07:35

I dont even know why im posting here.but u re not in my shoes.when you re about to lose the roof over your head

MrsBungleBear Thu 25-Oct-12 22:08:17

I have to go now Joee, please phone the Samaritans. Don't leave your little girl, she really needs her mum. xx

TramadolJacket Thu 25-Oct-12 22:08:29

Please listen to what other posters have said and contact the Samaritans or someone in rl if possible.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. We were 60k in debt and drowning in repayments a couple of years back, I couldn't face opening the post or see any way out. CCCS really helped us, we got an IVA and are three years into it, we also had the option of bankruptcy. I have a lot of friends who have been in similar situations and it can be resolved, I know it doesn't feel like it, but things will get better xx

Defragged Thu 25-Oct-12 22:11:39

You are right, no-one here is in your shoes. How are you feeling about speaking to the samaritans? - they won't judge you, or tell you you are wrong for feeling the way you are. They will listen to you and understand.

Teahouse Thu 25-Oct-12 22:11:51

Well done for asking for help.
B&B would not be ideal but your daughter would rather be there with you, than anywhere without you.
Have you no family support? What about your DDs father?
Is there no support you can get through work?
Check out all options

stickyj Thu 25-Oct-12 22:12:52

Joee, I have no idea where you are in the country. I can say that my friend's husband died 18 months ago and her daughter was around 12/13. She is still around, breaking her heart sometimes but planning her 50th.

I cannot sort your debts out for you but I can give you and your little girl a space to stay. She is a little girl/woman to be and there is no way you can leave her because me, and all the other of Mumsnetters won't let you go, you or her.

We are always there for parents/kids that have diseases that we can only hope to help/cure. Sometimes we can help/sometimes we lose children that life takes away from us all, parents, people on here.

We can help you because you know what, it's just money, we can and will help you.

I can only speak for myself but I can give you my email, my phone number and a place for you all at Xmas at my table.

That is the power of Mumsnet, let us let help x

cynister Thu 25-Oct-12 22:13:00

Joee..I promise you, you are not alone. A mate of mine is about to give birth to her second child, and is facing eviction from her flat. I absolutely can not walk in your shoes, but I can say I have experienced the feelings of desperation and hopelessness you are dealing with. Please contact your gp and the Sammaritans..their is hope..

giftorloan Thu 25-Oct-12 22:15:45

no, Joee, you're right. we're not in your shoes right now.
but it looks as if many, many posters have had problems with debt. many, many have lost their houses / possessions. many, many have struggled with the feeling that they can't go on with life.
now is the time that you get help. get plans put in place with creditors, as suggested. get in touch with the Samaritans. go and see your GP.
you're not alone in this, Joee. but you MUST put your daughter first before ANYTHING else. she loves and needs you. THAT is far far more important than your house.

joee123 Thu 25-Oct-12 22:16:08

I think as mych as we love each other her dad or others in my family would give her a better life. I work full time and am still working at the moment

amillionyears Thu 25-Oct-12 22:16:20

You are right.Most of us are not in your shoes.
But there are other rooves.
You and your DD will shelter under a different one,after she comes back from her week away.
She will need you to look after her. And you are the best person in the whole wide world to look after her.

lucyellenmum Thu 25-Oct-12 22:17:01

joeee maybe none of us here are exactly where you are now, i for one have struggled with debts and i do understand just how shit it is i really do. The one thing you can be sure of though is that we all care. Human nature and all that.

It must feel so scary not knowing what will happen, but i garuntee you it wont be as bad as you think it never is. Never is, unless you lose a loved one, that is the worst thing that can happen.

You say your DD will be looked after, who will do this?

cantreachmytoes Thu 25-Oct-12 22:17:36

Joee, it sounds absolutely horrendous. You sound like you have had a tough time for a long time. It is ok to feel like utter crap, BUT, do you want your daughter to feel like this too? If her mother kills herself because of money, then it will show her that she was not the most important thing/person in her mother's life. That will cause her more damage than you can imagine.
The alternative is very hard for you, I understand and you have no more energy to deal with it, that is understandable. You obviously love your daughter, but perhaps you forget just how important you are to her. Maybe you will have to live in a B&B and maybe it won't be nice, but that experience will be 1000 times better for your daughter than living the rest of her childhood and life without you, without her mother. She needs her mum far more than she needs money. The memories you will have together, even the teenage arguments, are more important to her than winning the lottery.
You really do have every right to feel hopeless, but there are ways out as people are trying to show you.
Money is really important, but not more important than your value to your daughter. Tell somebody, tell more than one person tomorrow, even if you don't feel like it (what do you have to lose anyway at this point?), exactly what you are telling us. Make sure they take you seriously. There IS help and you are not alone. Please keep posting.

PatriciaHolm Thu 25-Oct-12 22:18:17

No, we are not in your shoes. But we know enough about life, about children, to know your DD needs YOU, not whoever else you think will look after her. She wants YOU, whereever you end up, not to be alone. Please, call the Samaritans.

lucyellenmum Thu 25-Oct-12 22:18:39

wow - you are amazing, all this pressure and you are still working! fuck, you're a stronger woman than i am! You are going to be a brilliant role model for your DD. Tell me about your job, what do you do?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Thu 25-Oct-12 22:19:40

But she won't want a better life op

She would want YOU

fuckadoodlepoopoo Thu 25-Oct-12 22:20:22

I dont even know why im posting here.but u re not in my shoes.when you re about to lose the roof over your head

Well your daughter is about to lose her mother! Doesn't really compare does it.

I thought you said you left an abusive relationship when you daughter what a newborn? And now you're saying this man can give her a better life?

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 25-Oct-12 22:21:25

Money can be sorted - it's not really real in the same way as your beautiful daughter is. She wouldn't be alright without you, she'd be devastated.

Trust that you will always have a roof over your head, you just don't know which one ATM. You maybe can't see the path ahead, but neither can any of us all the time.

Things can work out especially when you seek help and support like you are doing now. GP and Samaritans will both be there to listen as well as us here.

Be strong for your daughter, she needs you.

FoxtrotFoxtrotScarier Thu 25-Oct-12 22:21:30

I know it feels hopeless right now but it is only money, and a house. The onlu important things are you and your daughter - the rest are just froth.

Please look into going bankrupt. If you're so overcome by debt that you can't see any way out other than suicide you need to use one of the legal processes to help you with the situation. It is desperate, as you say, but not insurmountable.

Bankruptcy is a much nicer process than people think it is - the point is to help you and stop you drowning in debt. You'll be given a fresh start, and you can rebuild you and your daughter's lives without the hangover of debt. With the housing thing - if you're being taken to court for repossession the mortgage is obviously a problem for you, so wouldn't it be better not to have to worry about it? You may end up living somewhere less than ideal for a while, but the local authority have a duty to house you and you will end up with somewhere you can call home again.

Where are you in the country? Do you have someone to go to court with you on 5 November? Taking some support will make it much less difficult for you.

I used to work in bankruptcy so if you want to chat about it please PM me and I'll guide you through it.

Your dd will only get one mum. Trust me no one comes close. I lost my mum at 13. I'm 38 now and not a day goes by when I don't think about her.
I have my own dc's now and I would give anything for them to meet her for one minute.
One mum that is all your dd will get and that is all.
Life is hard I'm a single mum working full time some days are bloody soul destroying.
Please I begging you don't give up.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Thu 25-Oct-12 22:22:55

Where are you op?

What area do you live in?

Defragged Thu 25-Oct-12 22:25:56

It's great to hear how much you love each other. You want to do the best thing for your daughter, and taking your life is seeming to be the best solution right now.

I can understand you thinking others will do it better. But it might be that that is just how you are feeling at the moment. HAve you been feeling this way for long?

I may be wrong Joee, but I can't help but feel you do want to find another way, and that is why you are posting. Part of you is not sure about wanting to die?

If I am wrong I am sorry. I don't mean to tell you how you are feeling - you are the only one who knows that. Please tell us more about why it is now that everything seems like its heading towards taking your life.

amillionyears Thu 25-Oct-12 22:26:42

Have you been able to eat anything today?

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