Child neglect

(15 Posts)
9570Jane Thu 11-Oct-12 13:34:42

My son goes to his dads every other weekend. For the past 2 years my ex has been living with his girlfriend and her 5 children. When my son visits, he share a room with one of the children, who is a girl of 8. He has the bottom bunk. Yet it is becoming more apparent that the weekend he stays, he also shares A BED with another girl of 10, is this right?! They top and tail apparently. I do not think this is acceptable.

My ex also takes my son and the other children to the pub where he lets them play outside in the dark with no supervision.

And the final matter is that our son is asthmatic. He has to have a preventer inhaler morning and night, which my ex doesnt always give him.

I am being unresonable or do other people think that this is not right or acceptable? I have a soliciors appointment next week to discuss this and other matters relating to his dad so would like some friendly advice. Im not too sure if I am just being over protective.

All advice will be welcomed, thank you.

Goldmandra Thu 11-Oct-12 16:16:45

How old is your son?

9570Jane Thu 11-Oct-12 19:31:20

Thanks for the reply. He is 7

Kinora Thu 11-Oct-12 19:34:51

Do you discuss this with your ex or have you found this out from your 7 year old son?

I wouldn't be happy with the top and tailing. Why can't the girls share and your ds have the top bunk?

Inneedofbrandy Thu 11-Oct-12 19:36:20

I don't see the problem with top and tailing. With the playing outside the pub, is it a childrens area or just out in the street?

9570Jane Thu 11-Oct-12 19:42:37

Thanks for coming back to me, all advice is helpful!

I have discussed this with my ex and he has said that he doesnt see an issue with Jake sharing a bed with his 'sister'. Also the pub has a garden and the kids play out in there. My concern is that his dad isn't sat out with him, it's dark early and with the event events in Wales, that you would be watching your children like a hawk. My ex and I have never got on since we split 5 years ago and had to go to court in the early stages. I have the residency order and he has an every other weekend contact order in place

Inneedofbrandy Thu 11-Oct-12 19:50:48

I would ask that the girls share for that one night if it bothers you, it wouldn't bother me but hey we are all different. He shouldn't make it into a big deal either. Ask in a bright and breezy way saying ds complaining. If that doesn't work send him round with a air bed.

I also wouldn't get so het up about the playing outside, but you know your own son and if he's sensible or not. I do think you are being slightly over protective, and I know how your feeling, iv'e stopped my dd playing out since that. I think you need to trust he's with the older girls in a garden with lots of adults around.

Kinora Thu 11-Oct-12 19:54:36

How old are the other children that ds is playing with? If some are older and they all stick together then I don't see the problem (as long as it's not late).

What does he say about the inhaler?

9570Jane Thu 11-Oct-12 20:03:45

Apparently it's a treat for Jake to share a bed with her!!! I've said why can't the two girls share and they apparently won't! Jake doesn't sleep well when he's there because of this which effects school work. My ex says that he brings him up differently to me so to deal with it! The other girls are 10 and 8. Jake isn't an overly sensible kid but hopefully he knows right from wrong.

With regards to the inhaler he just says he forgets! Jake also has eczema and with his regular mosturiser doesn't need steriods very offen. Yet again at his dads he really has a bath all weekend and doesn't use the cream. We spend the next two weeks getting back on top of it to be messed up in one weekend!

As you can tell I'm not my ex's biggest fan, but I want my son to be happy and safe when he's with him.

Inneedofbrandy Thu 11-Oct-12 20:05:31

Why does it bother you they share a bed?

9570Jane Thu 11-Oct-12 20:33:16

I just dont think it's right. She's coming up to a vulnerable age and think my son should have his own space there be it a to himself but at the very least a bed

Kalisi Tue 16-Oct-12 18:54:52

Different genders aside, your son should have his own bed. It's pretty neglectful to not provide one seeing as he stays there regularly so the house should essentially be seen as his second home to him.I would bring it up with your solicitor especially if he is not getting a decent nights sleep because of it.

Mosman Thu 25-Oct-12 13:42:19

I don't think social services would allow the bed situation if they were involved in the family so I always think if they wouldn't allow it then it's probably not right.

meddie Sat 03-Nov-12 07:37:17

Sharing the bed wih a 10 year old is a bit eww, but maybe as the girl approaches puberty she will be less likely to want this to happen.
I would be more concerned about not giving him his inhalers. A severe asthma attack is a potentially life threatening event. I don't know how brittle your son's asthma is, but its important that he has his inhalers regularly and also his creams for his eczema, which can be so uncomfortable when it flares.

FreddieMercurysFrightfulBolero Sat 03-Nov-12 07:45:41

He is not attending to your son's medical needs. This can be seen as neglect. I would worry about the bed, at the very least get him to buy an airbed. Lack of supervision ( playing outside the pub, wtf??) can also be viewed as neglect, so please bring the issues up with your solicitor.

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