Walked out of first meeting :.(

(45 Posts)
BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 19:39:27

I have mobility problems which mean that I've put on a fair bit of weight since they started. I've been referred to WW by my GP, so I went along to my first meeting this evening. After half an hour sitting around, the leader started reading a lecture out of all the fitness things we should be doing, which is basically a long list of all the activities I have had to give up since I became disabled. This was mainly directed at a couple of women in the front row. I was really quite upset by the whole thing. The leader just went on and on listing everything. I felt like standing up and yelling "You lot choose to sit on the sofa and take your mobility for granted, some of us don't get that choice". Obviously I didn't do this, but instead I just walked out. I'm not sure what to do next. The leader said we were supposed to stay to the end to receive some sort of instruction. All in all really horrid. sad

killpeppa Sun 03-Nov-13 19:41:59

I'm sorry but what were you expecting- your going to weight watchers, it's not just about food it's about getting active as well.

why not just brush off the ones you can't do & concentrate on those you can do.

sorry but a bit of an over reaction.

HootShoot Sun 03-Nov-13 19:45:49

They tend to cover a different topic each week, so this week it might be exercise and the following it could be snacking, or following ww with a family. Maybe you should call the leader and have a chat with her about it?

Boffin for most overweight people, they need a kick up the bum like this to get them changing their lifestyle choices and becoming more active.

Obviously your mobility issues are a very sensitive issue to you, but try not to take these sorts of things personally, they were not directed at you, and there must be some physical activity you can do more to help you loose weight.

It must be very tough for you coming to terms with your disability sad. Is it a permenant thing or soemthing that will improve for you over time?

Cremolafoam Sun 03-Nov-13 19:49:39

Boffin ,
Sorry you felt you had a rough time at ww. Perhaps the gp was really a bit naive sending you there.
I'd decide to draw a line under it and think again .
I am hoping you are near one of the following YMCA centres where there are classes offered to people with restricted mobility. Ymcafit
HTH

MrsNPattz Sun 03-Nov-13 19:52:01

Hi, I'm a Weight Watchers leader and am sorry you have had this experience. This weeks topic is about boosting our mood by being active, so your leader had probably planned it like that. It was insensitive to not involve you, when I was training one of the other leaders advised me to always think about the people not directly related to the topic as well. I would agree with the above and say call or even text the leader, it really is a great plan and it would be a shame to waste the opportunity. Good luck xx

Snargaluff Sun 03-Nov-13 19:52:59

I can imagine that must have been really difficult for you. They get a different topic each week to talk about which may well have been why she went on about exercise this time. Or it might be that through the weeks she has got to know those women and knows they need a kick up the bum!

However, I did ww once and lost 3 stone by following the system but not doing any extra exercise. I now exercise lots, I'm not saying that other people shouldnt, I'm just letting you know that it's possible to lose weight without.

At the end the leader will have explained the system in detail for you, that's why they ask you to stay. If you feel up to it, you should call her up and ask if she doesn't mind explaining it.

Good luck

At the end of the meeting, the leader would have given each of the new starters their information packs and explained how WW works. They would have talk to you about activity points which are earned when you are active (but are an optional albeit very useful tool). You would have had a chance to have a quiet word with her about your mobility problems if you wanted to let her know.

Please try and find the courage to go back again next week and start afresh. Once you have your pack and know what you are doing, there is no requirement to stay to the talking bit, you can just turn up, get weighed and leave.

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 20:48:56

Thanks for all your posts. I am very sad indeed about not being able to do all the things I loved doing, as I used to be really active.

Killpeppa, your post was thoughtless. Try having something like your mobility massively reduced permanently and then see how flippantly you can shrug off a life changing disaster like that. When something like this happens to you, every day is a battle with pain. I have to take a lot of prescription drugs to even be able to get out of bed, and then cope with the side effects from the prescription drugs as well, such as stomach problems. I have to attend lots of clinics and have lots of painful and/or uncomfortable tests and treatments. I can't do the things with my kids that I used to be able to do, I can't do most of the sports and pastimes I used to enjoy. I have to plan every step, drive everywhere, and park right near where I am going just so I can guarantee being able to get back again. I am four stone overweight. Periodically I have to justify every single disability adjustment or special payment paid on my behalf, in a grovelling, grateful manner, as though all of this was some sort of special favour. On top of that I hold down a full time job and keep a smile on my face for public purposes. It's a horrid way to live, and I didn't need an ignorant leader ignoring my needs as well as the other 2 obviously mobility challenged members also referred by the NHS in the room as well (out of something like 15 attendees). It's not bloody rocket science, being inclusive. It's just good manners.

MrsNPattz, I wish you had been the leader as I think you would have been considerably more sensitive.

I am not sure how I feel about speaking to someone who has demonstrated such ignorance and insensitivity, TBH.

killpeppa Sun 03-Nov-13 20:53:59

I wasn't dismissing it & didn't think I was thoughtless at all.

my mum (49) has a mobility limiting disease with all the same issues you listed with 2 teenagers (my siblings) and is a nhs nurse,so I'm not bring flippant.
in just saying maybe you should be concentrating on the things you CAN do instead of what you CAN'T anymore.

I'm sure the ww leader didn't have a clue about your issues. I think you should take things to heart just so quickly that's all.

mrscog Sun 03-Nov-13 20:56:58

I think that is very insensitive of the leader, but WW is a scam anyway (barely anyone keeps the weight off long term - the CEO admits that their business plan is based on repeat custom) and the points system doesn't really promote the healthiest form of eating. Try reading some of the paleo/low carb threads here to get a different perspective on nutrition.

Good luck though, and I hope if you do return to WW that you succeed smile .

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 21:01:49

Well she should have worked out what was going on given that I had ticked the 'disabled' box on the form. She could have asked me more about it but didn't bother (no queue at the time at the weighing, btw).

Privatebanker Sun 03-Nov-13 21:03:23

Just go to a different meeting with a different leader. WW works and it's well worth giving it a go.

Mintyy Sun 03-Nov-13 21:06:02

Sorry to hear you have become disabled BoffinMum flowers. Are there any specialist groups with your particular disability around online?

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 21:09:19

I would love to be able to lose a couple of stone. I am sure that would improve my overall health. I don't know about specialist groups - I am supposed to be going to a chronic pain clinic soon and perhaps they offer things like that.

killpeppa Sun 03-Nov-13 21:10:12

I'm sorry you thought I was dismissing you as dramatic OP.
It was probably just a general talk she gives every first meeting.

maybe just go back next time and discuss your issues with her. hopefully she'll be more considerate

LEMisafucker Sun 03-Nov-13 21:12:09

You can do WW online boffinmum - i did ww and i lost a fair bit of weight a good few years back but i coudlnt abide the meetings, the leader spoke bollocks and was recommending the atkins diety ffs! hmm I just wanted the scheme and the recipes, i didn't need the pep talks and im perfectly capable of weighing myself so if i did it again (and i probably should) i wouldn't go anywhere NEAR a meeting. Also, have found that the leaders of these things always look a bit ill, sort of pinched in the face and a bit orange, its never a good advert.

LEMisafucker Sun 03-Nov-13 21:12:47

diety?? lol there may have been quite a bit of wine with my dinner tonight

I'm sorry you had a crap time Boffin. I agree that killpeppa's post was insensitive (as is the follow up). Having a relative with similar issues doesn't actually mean you understand anything about what it's like to learn to live with limited mobility and daily pain.

The thing about actually having a disability is that life constantly confronts you with the stuff you can't do, and you have to keep explaining and making excuses and justifying adjustments all the time. Part of the process of adjustment to becoming disabled is learning to accept your new limitations, and that really isn't helped by unthinking talks about how awful it is for you not to be doing all the stuff you can't do any longer. It doesn't help at all.

I once left a physio session really angry and cried because it was all about how I ended to do x, y and z with absolutely no thought given to where I'd manage to fit that in to life with a demanding FT job and a family. The physio just would not accept that I needed pragmatic advice I can actually act on, not what would be the optimum scenario with no other considerations. When I spoke to my consultant about how utterly useless, she just said 'we'll they have to tell you what the evidence says is best'. But this is the same consultant team who seem to think that constant, often excruciating pain is nothing much of an issue because I can just about hold down a job.

So I can absolutely understand why you'd walk out of a meeting which told you how you can only lose weight if you do all the things you want to do but can't any more. Maybe WW isn't going to be right for you (especially if it's just centrally allocated topics by numbers), but some other diet changing regime might work better. Loads of folk on here seem to swear by low carbing (although that might not be appropriate depending upon your condition).

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 21:19:40

Well she didn't look orange but she didn't look like the brightest carrot in the bunch IYSWIM. wink

PurplePidjin Sun 03-Nov-13 21:21:12

The leader is just another mum trying to make a bit extra for a holiday, most likely. They'll be given a theme and have to stick to it, but have no specialist medical knowledge. Did they even know you'd be there or what your issues are in time to plan the lesson?

WW, SW etc are about lifestyle changes. I need to shift a stone so I'm cutting out coffee (i have sugar in it) treats and I'm buying red milk (ds and dp need blue). What little changes could you make that are sustainable long term?

There are eat-yourself-healthy plans for all sorts of things like fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis etc perhaps that would be something you could adapt?

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 21:28:35

Arbitrary, I feel a lot more understood by you, I have to say. Yes, it is the constant excuse making and negotiation that has to happen that makes it so exhausting. The gritting of teeth and the getting on with it. The utter insensitivity of some people - for example at my DLA appeal there was some woman who had been a carer telling me sternly I should set alarms on my phone to remember to take my medication more regularly. She had absolutely no notion of what it's like to use up all your energy and head space just being awake, that an alarm on your phone just gets ignored when you are in that state. That sometimes you just don't want to take the bloody stuff because of the side effects. And that sometimes all you eat is toast because of stomach pain and general debilitation. I really don't know what to do now.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 03-Nov-13 21:29:42

Op, I dont know the details of your disability so please forgive me if I say something insensitive.

Weight loss is generally 80/90% about diet, so the fact you are limited in exercise should not hold you back. If you think a group class like WW is optimum for you then give it another bash, and try not to take it personally. Remember, the leader is not an expert, they are a self-employed person who regurgitates WW info.

You can also do WW online, if you like the concept of WW but not the classes.

Then of course there is also Slimming World.

If you want to just work on your own without any bells and whistles then the MyFitnessPal app/website is extremely good for food tracking, and there are folks in the forums who know what they are doing.

Exercise wise , and bearing in mind I dont know the extent of your disability, strength work is the most efficient way to exercise so using weights/bodyweight.

Exercise is also great for making you feel better as it releases endorphins. You know your limitations - figure something out if you can.

BoffinMum Sun 03-Nov-13 21:34:16

I had a bit of a go with MyFitnessPal a little while ago and I think I made some headway at the time, as I recall. Not much, but it was coming off rather than going on. I suppose what's not helping is feeling so worried about failure, and wondering if I will spend the rest of my life oozing over the top of size 18 jeans.

yy to WW on-line. There are lots of bloggers and groups. I was a member of a couple of Lupus groups and followed a couple of bloggers who were WWing despite medical issues.

I know this is an awful setback when you've screwed up your courage to go along. But don't let her stop you doing what you need to do for yourself (think of it as sticking two fingers up at her).

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