Every moment I hate myself for how fat I am, I am fed up! Am I the only one?!

(64 Posts)
FedUpAndOverweight Wed 04-Dec-13 07:27:59

I need help.

Every waking minute I am thinking about how fat I am, how I am starting to burst out of my clothes and how everyone can notice. I constantly think about food and how I shouldn't eat bad food, then I find myself chomping down on the snack box at work and hating myself for it.

Every Monday is a "new start", I do a diet for a day then give up because I haven't got results overnight. I'm torn between hating myself for being fat and thinking "sod you all" it's only the media telling me I should be slim and so stuffing my face again.

Please tell me I am not the only one? Please tell me I can stop this, and how.

I am not exaggerating when I say it's all day long. I can only dream of all the things I could do and experience if I lost 30lbs of fat as my mind would be free!

sonu678 Wed 04-Dec-13 07:34:17

I think you have a very bad relationship with food and your image, and that needs addressing. Being fat or not is secondary. I hope that makes sense, though I fear it doesnt.
I hate how fat I am, but, I dont spend as much time thinking about it as you are saying you do, because I feel it is unconstructive, and if I am unable to do something about it, then its best not to let the negative feelings consume me. But I think that you are saying you cannot make yourself do that? If so, you need some help with these thoughts.
What I would suggest is that you learn to forgive yourself, and be kinder to yourself. Set yourself small, easily manageable goals, and when you acheive them, you let yourself feel good about yourself, and it will become a positive spiral. If weightwatcher/your gp/a counsellor/your best friend are what you feel will help you acheive this, then please use them.

Lastly. Hugs. I know what ts like to feel fat and hat the body I am in, and what an awful feeling that is. But if you can, concentrate on what is lovely about it, and I am sure there is plenty that is, and then try and accentuate it for yourself. Sod the media. You need to be slimmer for you: your mental and physical well being.

sonu678 Wed 04-Dec-13 07:35:37

a small tip for today? try drinking tap water everytime you are thirsty, instead of juice, or squash. It will reduce your calorific intake, and it is one small tiny, but sure step towards feeling better.

hellsbells99 Wed 04-Dec-13 07:45:10

I know how you feel. I have spent the last couple of years saying I will diet and lose weight - bought the Dukan book etc. Anyway my sister eventually talked me into going to slimming world about 10 weeks ago. I have now lost over 20lb and have gone down over a dress size. I have more to lose as weighed in at over 16 stone. But i can see the results and it hasn't been too difficult. This time last year I was avoiding going on social does but I feel much happier now.
So take a deep breath, think positive, stop hating yourself and join a local slimming group to support you.

carvedpumpkin Wed 04-Dec-13 07:56:53

I feel just like you! Scared to start another diet incase I fail. Reading the above I think I'm going to join slimming world again. Just need someone to hold my hand and come with me!!!

Timetoask Wed 04-Dec-13 08:05:04

The good news is that your problem has a solution. So please try not to feel too upset.

Can I ask, what sort of food would your supermarket trolley usually have?

I find that if I don't buy it, I don't eat it.

I have heard of people doing the 5:2 eating plan and working wonders.
Also, going to the gym everyday, even for 20 minutes will help. Once you see the pounds falling off you will have so much motivation you will keep going.

SolidGold Wed 04-Dec-13 08:08:15

Don't beat yourself up. A lot of the food we eat has addictive qualities in the effect it has on our bodies.

Have a look at Zoe Harcombe's book/website, she explains the chemical process in our bodies and what makes us crave more food. Very interesting reading.

FedUpAndOverweight Wed 04-Dec-13 08:13:34

Thanks so much for the replies, I didn't think anyone would answer or understand where I'm coming from.

I have to say, mostly I'd say we eat well, love our vegetables, lean meat, fish etc. My downfall is the sweet stuff, sugar basically. I've tried not buying it before then in desperation I find myself baking a cake from scratch at 11pm as I haven't had sugar all day (which is what I found myself doing last night, low point or what).

I just hate myself for having zero self control, basically. Just so disgusted with myself that I can't say no to the snack box or making a cake. It's pretty poor really.

FedUpAndOverweight Wed 04-Dec-13 08:16:17

Solid, I am addicted, that's exactly it. I feel weak and out of control and addicted to sugar.

I have literally tried all the diets (or so it feels like!), I've spent hundreds on books, gyms, running kit, videos, special food, WW, SW, low carb foods, slim fast.

I mean how embarrassing is that?? All that money wasted and I cannot commit to a single thing for more than a few days. Why can't i?? It's ridiculous.

Timetoask Wed 04-Dec-13 08:16:24

The good thing about the 5:2 "diet" is that you don't have to deny yourself the sweet stuff on other days (provided you don't over indulge).

Do you do exercise? It's good eating heathly, but you need to combine that with some calorie burning. Do you have fund for a personal trainer for example? Having someone waiting for you at the gym forces you to go.

hellsbells99 Wed 04-Dec-13 10:33:00

carvedpumpkin - I will do a virtual hand hold!!!

Honestly I am finding the slimming world easier than expected. Using spray 1 cal oil; not eating hardly any bread - jacket potato most lunches; having a chocolate cereal bar daily (70 cals / 3 syns) which satisfies chocolate/sweet craving - or having a curly wurly! Lots of protein, fruit and veg; and mullerlite yogurts.
I generally have 1 day 'off plan' a week but am still trying to make sensible choices!

Don't commit to a diet, or a book.

try to find an activity you really like (anything active, walking, cycling, tennis, swimming, dancing, golf….what sport did you like as a kid?) the start incorporating that sport into your life. Start with once a week, then build up to 2 or 3 times.

Doing an activity you love, will make you feel grateful for, and positive about, your body.

If you feel hungry: Eat something. The ideal diet is not eating :"nothing", you should eat nice food that makes you feel satisfied. If you want something sweet, have a nice hot choc before bed, or a slice of toast with jam.

It is not all or nothing.

Self hatred must go!

Beechview Wed 04-Dec-13 12:25:11

I know exactly how you feel. I really hate how fat I've become. I refuse lots of invitations because I can't bear for anyone to see how fat I am.

I've recently got into the habit of eating 3 meals a day. I just ate whatever I felt like. If I felt like a desert, I had one. If I wanted cake at 11, I told myself that I could have that cake but only as part of my lunch.
I'm now in the habit of eating only at meal times. I've also managed to cut down on my sugar intake as a result of this. Dh gave me a mince pie last week and I genuinely could not eat it as it tasted too sweet.

Now that I've got used to eating at only meal times, Im now tackling the food I eat so I'm doing a low carb way of eating. Not strictly but in a Zoe Harcombe diet kind of way. Basically, I'm eating porridge for breakfast than having no carbs for the rest of the day but any veg(inc veg like butternut squash, sweetcorn, peas) except for potatoes.

I am desperate to lose weight. I genuinely believe that I can't have a nice life being overweight. I can't bear the thought of getting together at Christmas with family and being this fat so I'm trying really hard now.
I've got 3 weeks. Its enough time to lose at least 1/2 a stone which will make a big difference to me as I'm not very tall.

SolidGold Wed 04-Dec-13 12:26:53

Fedup, sugar is addictive. I really recommend Zoe Harcombe's books, Why do you overeat, when all you want is to be slim? And Stop counting calories and start losing weight. She explains the chemical process that happens in your body and why you crave sugary things.

smile

FedUpAndOverweight Wed 04-Dec-13 15:01:02

I have just downloaded those two books, thank you.

Beech view I think that is what I should do, stick to the three squal meals. Snacking is my downfall. I am trying to keep my mind busy on other things but it's difficult!

I actually could have written your final paragraph. Words for word that's me. Do you really think we could lose half a stone by Christmas?

Afraid to say I never got into sports as a kid. I was one of those who was always picked last for the team and I definitely was not one of the darlings of the PE teacher! To be honest I do enjoy the gym I just never seem to stick to it for long blush.

Fedup the best advice given so far is from Sonu and fiscal. A diet is not the answer, shifting your mindset is. You could force yourself to diet and do exercise you hate, all the time hating your body and feeling deprived and miserable until you lose some weight but you will then join most other ex-dieters and regain the weight, there is no point in that. Your body is only 50% about what you eat (and sugar is horrible for you but that's not the most important thing).

How do you imagine your life will be different once you lose all the weight you want to? Apart from having smaller clothes, how will you feel about your body, what will you do with it that you don't do now? What other things would be different? How would you eat?

CrispyHedgehogFucker Wed 04-Dec-13 15:26:05

I'm not going to give you weight loss tips but I will say that its' not the weight that's the issue, it's your head. I speak as someone who's lost close to 200lbs and all the while thinking once I'm thin life will be perfect but guess what? it's not. I'm still the same person with the same life and the same issues, I just take up less space than I used to.

I think if you can work on your mind then the rest will follow.. good luck x

moldingsunbeams Wed 04-Dec-13 15:34:55

op I have a awful relationship with food,
I used to be very slim and fit, I then was in an abusive relationship where I did not get enough food (I weighed 7 stone while 9 months pregnant)

Now I am obsessed with food and will eat everything in the house and am now 14 stone and a size 16. I HATE it but my eating is obsessive now. sad

Beechview Wed 04-Dec-13 19:45:34

Fedup yes I really believe we can lose at least half a stone by Christmas. I've done Zoe harcombe diet before and lost 7lbs in one week. There's no reason that I can't do this again.

It will be hard but I'm looking at it as a 21 day project with day 1 over.
I'm also doing sit ups and push ups every night. I know it sounds pitiful but I can't face doing any other exercise at the moment. I have 3 dcs - dd is 13 months and a very bad sleeper. I work part time and I'm knackered most days.

Today was difficult. I won't deny it but I stuck to my plan - and I feel really good about it.

Do this with me. I could do with a buddy smile

SolidGold Wed 04-Dec-13 20:40:24

I've never enjoyed sport or exercise, but I do walk the dog once a day.

I hope Zoe Harcombe's book helps. It explains why our bodies react to food the way they do. It's not so much a diet as a way of eating.

FourArms Wed 04-Dec-13 22:32:53

A few of us have just started the Harcombe plan I'd anyone wants to join us?

link to thread

FloozeyLoozey Wed 04-Dec-13 22:36:19

I completely understand. In my adult life I've yoyoed between a size 10 and 20, and every size in between. Currently at a size 14/16 and struggling!

SolidGold Wed 04-Dec-13 23:32:46

FourArms, I'll join in if that's ok. I've slipped recently and need to get back on track.

FourArms Thu 05-Dec-13 08:35:35

smile

specialsubject Thu 05-Dec-13 11:19:00

I'd agree with the poster talking activity, sounds like you need more in your life. That way you'll be too tired to be making cakes.

stop hating your healthy body, stop buying and making solid sugar, and enjoy your veg, complex carbs and protein.

stop downloading diet books, forget diets. You know how much and roughly what you should be eating.

good luck.

ARealPickle Thu 05-Dec-13 11:30:50

What sort of meals are complex carbs veg abd protein?

Chicken potatoes peas and carrots?
Spagetti bolognaise?
Fish potatoes and veg.

Just thinking about what I eat. Lunch is usual ly a sand which. Breakfast porridge. Apple at some point. ..... and then all the rest.

If I stuck to the above would that work?

Rather than trying to figure out which carbs are simple/complex pickle it may be easier to just avoid anything processed or white carbs most of the time - so as a rule don't eat any white potatoes, pasta, white rice, bread, anything made with white flour. Choose whole foods as your source of carbs - lentils, beans, chickpeas, quinoa, sweet potatoes for example. Try and have at least one meal a day without any carbs (except the ones in veg) and see how you feel, adjust accordingly, take them out of another meal if you feel its working well. Some people feel fantastic lower carb, others not so much.

So in your examples if you have had a sandwich at lunch I would have chicken with the veg plus another portion of veg, no potatoes. Bolognese I wouldn't do at all, have lamb chops or a steak with roasted veg. Fish - have roasted salmon fillet and tomatoes with veg and maybe a portion of lentils (ready made sachets are great and take 1 min to warm up). Or make a carb-light version of fish pie - steam a bag of spinach and pop in a baking dish with some cherry tomatoes, add some smoked haddock/white fish, mix up some creme fraiche with grated cheese, lots of pepper and chopped spring onions with a squeeze of lemon juice. Blob this all over fish and tomatoes. Sprinkle with some granary breadcrumbs and a bit more grated cheese - bake for 20 mins and serve with broccolli or similar.

At lunchtime switch to soup or a big salad with lots of veg and good protein.

Breakfast is best if it has protein too - porridge is much better than cereal but eggs/fish/yoghurt with nits and berries also good.

nits...nuts!

ARealPickle Thu 05-Dec-13 12:04:45

Sleep - that sounds like a low carb diet?

The food leaflet I got from the Dr said to try and include pasta/bread/potatoes at each meal!

siiiiiiiiigh Thu 05-Dec-13 12:06:19

lurking.

not licking.

The NHS food pyramid is still saying the majority of our meals should come from carbs - but there's huge amounts of evidence to show that this isn't the best way. Not least the number of obese people around. Many doctors also agree. Also, too many people then eat huge portions of carbs. What I'm suggesting isnt low carb, but it is lower carb and by choosing whole food carbs that I suggest your body will get more nutrition from them. A 'true' low carb person wouldn't have any bread, pasta, lentils, rice, very little fruit, no porridge...what I'm suggesting is to reduce carbs and when you do eat them, choose low GI ones. Pasta, white potatoes, white rice and white bread really have very little to offer nutritionally, your body will do much better on unprocessed stuff.

You don't have to take my word for it but you could just try for a couple of weeks and see what happens and how you feel...it won't hurt you and it won't be forever, but its a healthier way of eating, not a diet. You can still occasionally eat a bowl of pasta if you fancy it, I'm not saying you should ban anything at all!

roguepixie Thu 05-Dec-13 12:19:38

You are not the only one. You sound as if you are in a cycle of eating/feeling bad/eating and have a poor self image.

I do not want to tell you what you 'have' to do but there are some steps that need to be taken or you will continue in this cycle. Do some research on current diets/eating plans - what seems to 'make sense' to you? Is there a plan that stands out as something you feel you can commit to? There is no point doing the Dukan Diet if you want to eat lots of fruit. There is no point in cutting carbs if you like baked potatoes or rice. You need to find the plan that works with you and doesn't create a struggle. Steer clear of the word diet - you want a plan that helps you make permanent changes.

Some truths are that not all fats make you fat - there are healthy fats out there - focus on them. Protein makes you feel fuller and satiated so protein should be a part of every meal (wherever possible). If you don't buy the crap you won't eat the crap - there are few of us who want to go out at 9pm in the dark and cold to buy a chocolate bar but if it's in the fridge we will eat it. Start moving more...don't want to go outside yet - get a DVD or Wii/XBox exercise game, can't afford a gym - go for a walk around the park (unless you don't want to go out yet). Enlist the help of a friend - you are more likely to exercise if someone else is relying on you being there too. Make use of support networks - the weight loss threads here are excellent - create your own and others will join in with you. Make small changes at first if you don't want to make radical changes straight away. Start to talk to yourself about positive self image - many weight loss groups have a portion of their meeting dedicated to helping its members in this area.

In my experience it is important that you find something that works for you and you can live with and to start moving around more. Little steps.

I do Slimming World because it allows me to eat fruit and baked potatoes. It provides me with an upbeat, motivating class where I can start to feel better about myself. And it doesn't make me feel bad about where I am at the moment, only excited to get to where I want to be.

Don't forget the diet industry is worth millions. It is worth that much because it is full of short term fixes that don't last and full of images of what is considered perfection that makes the rest of us feel inadequate. You want to be fit and healthy - use that as a guide. Really start to tell yourself how worthwhile you are, how beautiful, how successful. It doesn't matter if you don't really think you are at the moment - repeat, repeat and repeat all those positive messages and they will start to take root.

You are an amazing person. Good luck.

SolidGold Thu 05-Dec-13 12:31:54

By the way, I eat bolognese sauce (made with tomatoes, mince, onions, peppers, etc but no sugar) with mashed swede or mashed cauliflower or roasted celeriac chips. It's yummy. The same goes for chilli con carne. I also make cottage pie with mashed swede on top instead of potato.

What Sleep says is good advice. Cutting out sugar and white pprocessed carbs and drinking lots of water will make a huge difference and if you can fit in a walk each day too, all the better.

If I remember correctly, (processed) carbs fill you up temporarily, but afterwards cause your blood sugar levels to drop dramatically, leading you to crave more. Protein and healthy fat fill you up and you won't feel the need to top up your sugar levels until the next meal.

(That's just from memory, lots more info in the Harcombe books.)

That's right solid - the processed carbs cause a blood sugar spike, a burst of energy, but its followed by a crash that leaves you sleepy and feeling like you need to eat again.

Roguepixie is talking sense about finding a way of eating that suits you. Changes need to be sustainable.

I was serious about the questions to OP about how she imagines life will be when she loses weight. I think we have this all the wrong way round, believing that life will be a certain way once we are slim...it needs to be turned around. As much as you can, live that life you imagine now - tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us! Take baby steps towards it. Stop waiting to fix the body in order to have that life...fix the life and the way we think of and treat our bodies and the body will follow and become maybe not exactly how we imagine it should look (lets face it, we're not all meant to be Gisele), but healthy and how it is meant to be...and also not such a focus for our life and scapegoat for all our other issues.

SolidGold Thu 05-Dec-13 15:57:20

That's very true, Sleep. I've weighed as much as 13.5 stone and also as little as 9 stone, I still didn't wear different clothes or feel any better about myself. I just have confidence issues and I'm not sure how to retrain my thinking. However, when I eat sensibly - lots of veg, no processed carbs and lots of water - I feel much better and have more energy.

I do wonder about the carbs thing...

I eat carbs with most meals. Bread or rice, pasta or potato.

I don't get sugar cravings, weird lows or spikes. If I eat carbs with my meal I simply feel satisfied and no need to snack or eat for the next 4-5 hrs.

Only rich or heavy food makes me sleepy.

Think I burn the carbs off through exercise.

Low carbing would not work for me, it does not work for everyone.

True Fiscal, and if you are feeling healthy, with no mood swings or energy slumps and are happy with your weight then absolutely, why would you fiddle with it? But if you aren't, then reducing processed white carbs and sugar is a great place to start experimenting to see what it does for you.

Personally I eat moderate carbs most of the time, a couple of slices of granary bread with breakfast or lunch, maybe some lentils, grains, beans with lunch or dinner, but sometimes just veg and protein. I only occasionally have potatoes, pasta, rice or white bread. I'm not trying to lose weight, exercise hard most days either kickboxing or heavy weight training and HIIT and feel great eating this way.

bigkidsdidit Thu 05-Dec-13 19:50:54

OP I used to eat LOADS of the chocolate at work, if someone brought in cakes I'd think about them all day and eat three! It was miserable.

I've gone low carb too, on the bootcamp thread on here.
I've lost weight (1.5 stone in 11 weeks) but the best benefit has been the sugar cravings have absolutely gone, totally disappeared. I cannot tell you what a relief it is.

SolidGold Thu 05-Dec-13 19:59:26

Fiscal, I used to be the same, but for some reason now my metabolism has changed (maybe my age?) and I can no longer eat what I want.

I agree everyone is different, but craving sugary food could be helped by a low carb diet.

Eating no processed carbs makes me feel much better for lots of reasons. I do however plan to eat a varied diet once I have lost the extra inches round my waist. But I just don't miss most carbs, except really good bread!

siiiiiiiiigh Thu 05-Dec-13 20:13:44

low carbing means you don't get sugar cravings? Really?

Where do I go to read up on such delights?

and, find out how to construct a meal that's not carb based

bigkidsdidit Thu 05-Dec-13 20:33:08

BIWI runs low carb bootcamps in the 'low carb diets ' bit on here. I think there's one starting in the new year? I hope so anyway, I've still got a stone to lose!

Steffanoid Thu 05-Dec-13 20:39:11

this was me 8 weeks ago, apart from the trying different diests. I considered them then thought fuck it I'll have a cake!
I too have joined slimming world I have had 7 weigh ins and lost 1st 9lb so far,im never hungry eating such lovely food its great. I have abput 7 or 8 more stone to loose but for once I think I can do it!

Ok, when i say i don't low carb, i mean bread and stuff.

I am very careful about sugar (avoid it mostly, maybe have one sugary thing a day, like a hot choc, a biscuit or a small pud).

But plain rice/pasta/potato does not seem to make me fat (yet!)

I think it is all about exercise though, after a 1,5 hr session outside or a good swim i am starving and could eat a cow!

Still firmly believe the key to weight loss is more about exercise than about food (eating cake on a regular basis os obviously a NO, but cannot see bread as teh enemy)

SolidGold Thu 05-Dec-13 22:41:03

Fiscal, that sounds sensible.

Not sure about the exercise thing. Zoe Harcombe has studied diet in a lot of detail and says that if you burn more calories, you need to consume more calories. Sorry, I haven't got the book in front of me, so can't quote, but it made a lot of sense to me. Maybe someone will come along who can quote Zoe?

There are some very interesting books out there about wheat and the effect it had on a lot if people, if has apparently been tampered with a lot, as do much is required these days to meet our demands. I think one is called Wheat Belly.

Fiscal - can I just ask - have you ever been overweight (by which I mean more than a 7-10lbs and not immediately following pregnancy wink) and lost weight?

Only following pregnancy, i put in 4 stone then!

Not overweight now but still a bit heavier than I used to be pre kids.

I am more into weight maintenance than weight loss at the moment .

Any weightloss I achieved after pregnancies was mainly through getting fit and active.

Maybe My opinions/experiences are not relevant to this board?

Zoe is not a scientist by the way , is she? And neither has she ever been big?

I do agree with fiscal actually, exercise is key. I think if you do a lot of exercise you can eat things like bread, potatoes and rice without them making you fat.

For those of you who low carb, can I ask a question? Do you feed your whole family the same low carb meals or do you dish up carbs to your kids and PH and just eat the protein and veg yourself? I would never want to eat differently to DS or DP, and think it might send out a strange message to DS that I can't eat some foods but he can? About two years ago we switched to having no white rice or white bread, and we mostly eat sweet potato instead of potato, or other mashed veg instead of mashed potato, but that is all of us, not just me, and I was just wondering if the people who really drastically reduce thier carbs make the change for the whole family?

I think maybe the thread has derailed into a discussion about low carb diets and I'm not sure that's what OP wanted...I think we all agree that different ways of eating suit different people though. We each need to try different things to see how our body responds and how we feel in terms of deprivation/nourishment.

With regard to exercise, i am a huge fan and think everyone should do something, but it is extremely difficult to lose weight exclusively through exercise and impossible to out-exercise a bad diet. Fiscal you sound like a naturally active person who enjoys exercise and probably has a healthy relationship with food, which made it easy for you to get back to your natural weight after pregnancy. It's unfortunately not that easy for everyone though smile.

SolidGold Fri 06-Dec-13 14:26:05

Yes Zoe has a degree I believe and struggled with her weight and food issues for years, including eating disorders if I remember correctly.

FedUpAndOverweight Sat 07-Dec-13 10:04:56

Hello all, and thanks for the continued tips. I am feeling a little better about myself this morning, I weighed 2.5lbs less than I did last weekend, I made a concerted effort to excercise and avoid white carbs in the last few days and clearly it's worked!

I did follow BIWI's bootcamp last year and it worked well so I am going to try again now I've had this little boost. I do agree with Zoe and John briffa that sugar is the enemy here and I need to wean myself off it. smile

SolidGold Sat 07-Dec-13 14:56:00

Well done FedUp smile Glad you're feeling a bit happier.

That's great fedup. Small changes can make a huge difference smile. Focus on long term health rather than quick fix weight loss.

Solid in terms of improving your confidence, if a fairy could wave a magic wand, what would you have her change? How would your life be different once it had?

Flicktheswitch Sat 07-Dec-13 16:15:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGold Sat 07-Dec-13 17:14:33

Sleep, not sure. I have terrible skin, although not always visible, I hate my dark facial hair that I am constantly removing, and I'm just quite plain really. Also hate the colour of my teeth.

But I do think, no matter what, if I could change all those things, it would make no difference hmm

SolidGold Sat 07-Dec-13 17:15:04

(Sorry for hogging your thread FedUp.)

What does it stop you doing solid?

lljkk Sat 07-Dec-13 17:52:58

All that time you spend worrying about being too fat is time you don't spend figuring out solutions to real problems, or coming to accept the things you cannot change. It's a comfort habit, displacement activity.

SolidGold Sat 07-Dec-13 19:26:28

Sleep, I just feel self conscious all the time and think people are talking about me behind my back.

I can't even claim to be plain but clever. I have no career, just a (very part time) job, there are huge holes in my knowledge and I'm too tired to be able to do anything about it hmm

hollyisalovelyname Sun 08-Dec-13 08:52:12

SolidGold have you been checked for polycystic ovaries. Go to GP re facial hair, may be ( sounds like) hormonal imbalance. May be a factor re weight

That's a good suggestion from holly. I know it's hard, but I think you should also remind yourself that people are a lot more wrapped up in themselves than you give them credit for, if they notice anything about your appearance then they are very unlikely to be talking about it or giving it a second thought. What do you do for pleasure/enjoyment? What are you good at/drawn towards naturally?

fedup and solid and anyone else feeling the same way about themselves...I really think that when we have a problem such as weight, binge eating, over-control of food, sometimes even health (especially digestive) problems, they are indicative of issues that need to be resolved elsewhere in our lives. They aren't about our willpower/control/greed at all. It could be almost anything causing stress somewhere else, relationships, work, money, lack of nourishment in a spiritual/creative/intellectual or physical sense. By which I mean, do you use and treat your body in a way that makes you feel good - dance, walking, yoga, long baths, massage, sex, whatever you enjoy. Reading, music, art, being out in nature for the soul. Time to be you....Also resolving old issues such as bad relationships/resentments towards people, often our parents...we often need to forgive those people and ourselves. Does this make any sense as an idea to anyone else?

Yes, Sleep .

A "holistic" approach is needed.

Having said all I have about the non-food aspect of things...Wrt to hormonal imbalances, food can have a huge impact. Anyone who thinks they may have such issues (whether pcos or not), take a listen to Alissa Vitti, she has a book called 'Woman Code' that gives dietary advice to address such problems. I don't have experience of it but hear good things from people who have.

I also have a client who tried Dr Hyman's 'ultra metabolism' diet for unrelated reasons but was completely shocked and amazed to find her previously horrendous, 9 day long pms symptoms completely disappeared and her skin cleared up beautifully. It's probably not something you want to be starting two weeks before Christmas wink but may be worth a try in the new year...it basically involves cutting out gluten, sugar, dairy, red meat, caffeine,alcohol and processed food for 3-4 weeks. You then reintroduce foods one at a time to test for your body's reaction. You can eat lots of veg, pulses, legumes, chicken breast, fish, fruit, brown rice, nuts and soya/almond milk. You will almost certainly lose weight doing it, even if you don't get rid of other symptoms.

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