Demoralised and need to believe I can do this!

(9 Posts)
TheCuriousOwl Sun 14-Aug-16 14:11:24

OK so I'll start by saying I don't have huge amounts of weight to lose but enough that it feels insurmountable. I'm 5ft6, 72kg at last weigh (although was 70 kg at start of the week and am premenstrual right now). BMI 25.something I think.

I feel FAT. I look fat. I have rolls round my tummy and also fat sort of on my back below my armpits that I HATE. My thighs, meh, but mostly it's my tummy that I loathe. I've always had a fat tummy ever since I was a child.

I also have Hypermobility Syndrome (probably Ehlers Danlos but need to have the collagen tests to confirm). I'm tired all the time, I injure myself at the drop of a hat, sometimes while I'm asleep. Joint pain, muscle pain, fatigue, digestion issues, depression, partial dislocations. For this reason I can't do circuits (I see a personal trainer and she's trained in biomechanics and is brilliant).

I hate MFP because whenever I do it I feel starving, no matter what I eat, and eventually feel guilty about everything I put in my mouth. All I can think is 'people can live on 500 calories a day and you are a disgusting pig who can't control herself'.

Right now my diet consists of mainly salad, a lot of fruit, ryvita, shredded wheat. I've cut down on refined sugar and don't drink smoothies, I have given up bread and tend to try and eat veg+protein rather than refined carbs for mealtimes now. I've started going to the gym at least 3 times a week.

I'm exhausted, depressed, anxious (this has also been work related). I refuse to cut out cake and chocolate entirely and maybe have them twice a week. I love food but hate cooking with a passion. My mental health is such that saying 'just cook this nice easy 15 minute recipe' that involves a lot of pans and ingredients is akin to saying 'oh just live on kale for a month'. I will just say fuck that and eat salad out of the bag instead.

Nothing seems to be changing. My weight yoyos from morning to night, I don't know how people can say they've definitely 'lost' X amount when I can put on or lose 3lb in a day when I've hardly eaten anything so I know it's just water etc. I don't feel better. I am not convinced I look better. It seems like the only way I can lose any of this weight is by doing extreme crash juice diets (which I KNOW don't work long term) or by starving myself and having a joyless existence, doing 8 workouts a week on a HIIT programme and damaging my physical health in the process with dislocations and joint problems.

Right now I HATE myself. I look at the before/after photos on Kayla Itsines' instagram (my mate's lost 4st doing BBG workout) and just have to keep reminding myself my body won't do that because of my conditions. Please someone tell me it gets better.

tigerdick Sun 14-Aug-16 15:14:03

Most people weigh themselves in the AM, after a wee, starkers naked. That is the weight they go by. It's totally normal to fluctuate throughout the day. On my cheat day I am often 6lbs heaver than I was that morning.

Do you count your calories? Weight loss is calories in, calories out. Nothing else. If you haven't yet, I would download MyFitnessPal app and start tracking for a week.

The good news is you can still have cake, you just have to fit it in to your calorie entitlement for the day. I eat lower in the week and save my calories up for a big blow out on the weekend. That way if I have cravings in the week I just tell myself to wait a few days and have it then. It has to fit into your weekly calories though or you will sabotage your efforts and not lose.

Oh, and you don't need to exercise. It obviously helps but if you're finding it overwhelming there's no reason you couldn't safely lose a lb a week just tracking calories. You can add gentle exercise back when you hit goal.

busyboysmum Sun 14-Aug-16 21:51:34

Just wanted to say Hi ☺ I'm 46. 5 foot 7 and 73kg at the moment so similar to you. I was having the problem that nothing I did could I stick to and the exercise did nothing. I'm also hypermobile and prone to injury. Last week in a last ditch effort to get on top of things before my holiday this Friday I decided to try an atkins style diet. I've lost 3kg this week without doing any exercise at all. I've cut out most fruit apart from berries and am eating very simple high fat high protein meals which seem to be very satisfying. Having ditched the carbs and sugar amazingly I seem to have no cravings which has never ever happened to me before. I've never lost so much weight in a week before either. Might be worth trying it for a week and see if it helps you? I was previously eating loads of fruit thinking I was being healthy but I've learnt from this that I was eating far too much.

Lucked Sun 14-Aug-16 22:11:04

Firstly give yourself a bit of a break your unwell and tired, both associated with higher cortisol and belly fat! It sounds like you aren't eating enough to me.

Have you tried 5:2 or similar? It is tough to start but it makes such a big difference to how hunger affects you. I now have no desire to snack on my non fast days and usually manage a bit of calorie restriction on normal days without too much thought.

I am apple shaped and although you have to stay away from sugar snd refined carbs from what I have read complex carbs like oats and brown rice and whole meal pasta can be beneficial. On non fast days I usually have porridge and apple for breakfast, protein and veg for lunch and then a healthy balanced meal at night most often a slightly smaller portion of the normal family meals I always eat.

As you carry weight around your middle make sure you are taking omega 3 which might help balance cortisol. Also regarding the fluctuating scales -are you regular? That's what causes my big fluctuations.

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 14-Aug-16 22:13:29

Weigh yourself once a week MAXIMUM, first thing in the morning, after a wee. Try to eat nothing after 7pm the night before as this helps!

It will come off, and you are winning.

Lucked Sun 14-Aug-16 22:14:45

And remember weightloss is 80% diet so don't kill yourself at the gym and make yourself ill, find something you enjoy and do enough so that you don't have a sedentary lifestyle and you improve your wellbeing.

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 14-Aug-16 22:15:00

Oh and allow yourself some slack according to time of the month!

Screenburn Sun 14-Aug-16 22:17:07

Curious you're not alone, I am taller and much heavier than you (5'11, 80kg) but even after having lost 20kg I feel fatter than ever and completely disgusting. I'm also hypermobile but take stupid risks and do lots of exercise because I can't bear to live without my sports.

Having said all this...MFP tells me I'm doing well and I feel so full on 1350cals that I feel a bit sick. So I must be doing ok. And I bet you are too, even if our mean old brains won't let us see it smile

TheCuriousOwl Tue 16-Aug-16 18:31:46

Some useful things here, thank you. It is nice to know I'm not alone with the hypermobility stuff as well.

I'm wondering if I'm anaemic again which might also not be helping.

I've decided to stay away from MFP for the main reason that it makes me utterly mental (and I say that as someone with over half my life of mental health problems). If I eat according to MFP, 'good' foods only and reasonable portion sizes, I am starving constantly and start beating myself up about everything I eat to the point where if I eat fruit I feel guilty. I don't have the willpower for an eating disorder (because I feel too awful and I am more scared of losing my job than I am of being fat) so I eat and then hate myself more, just so I can feel ok enough to go to work.

I'm actually thinking what I need to do is go back to the doctors and get a formal EDS diagnosis, have full bloods done and insist on the results (esp of thyroid and FBC/Ferritin/Folate) and not just accept 'normal'. Because I'm so tired getting off the sofa feels like a struggle and this can't be right when people can live on 500cal a day and not feel like this.

flowers

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