Stuck on self destruct

[Soon2bC]

I have put on 2 stone. I was already overweight and I cant stop getting bigger. I am getting married next year and my wedding dress has been bought, it was too big and now it doesn't do up!
I have been an emotional eater for ever and have had eating disorders.
I know the rules...eat less and move more but I can't/wont.
I normally have a light bulb moment where it clicks and i can focus and be sensible but even that has deserted me.
I am sad all the time about it and I am ashamed so am pushing away my DP, who never criticizes and is completely supportive/in love with me and still finds me sexy.
I feel like I am stuck in self destruct mode and can't get out of it