Does anyone have any tips about dieting when your partner or oh is obsessed with food and cooking and is forever buying and serving up delicious food/meals?

[Slowcommotion]

I am preparing for my diet/healthy eating plan (starting properly in Lent) and have a real problem with this issue.

My dh loves food. He loves buying it, loves cooking it and loves preparing delicious things to eat. All wonderful you might say, but not when we are both overweight and not when I have the willpower of a recalcitrant slug.

I know that I am solely responsible for what I put in my own mouth. But dieting is so much harder when someone is continually buying and preparing (sometimes) calorific foods.

We actually eat fairly healthily, but about twice as much as we should. The added complication is that we have a dd who needs to put on weight.

How would you/do you handle it?

(a) tell no one you are dieting. Eat normally but cut down dramatically on portion size.

(b) buy and prepare food for yourself separately from that of your oh

We have tried in the past to work together on a joint dieting venture but we are very different and it hasn't worked. (He is in the right frame of mind to diet, I am not or vice versa. He likes high fat foods and I don't. I like sugary foods, he doesn't etc etc. He finds it difficult to give up alcohol, I don't etc) But when I start my own diet separately, and buy my own foods, he will still bring fattening cakes and biscuits home etc.

Any other ideas/tips/advice? Thank you!

[Anomaly]

I think you need to talk to him. If you're trying to lose weight and he knows you struggle to resist surely he could support you by cooking less of the yummy stuff. I mean he can still have a decent portion for himself and your DD but just leave a small portion for you and then it was gone.

Or he could cook enough for him and your DD and none for you and you do your own thing.

I really sympathise with the cakes and biscuits as I can't have 'bad' stuff in the house. Fortunately for me DH likes different 'bad' stuff to me so I can ignore his crisps. Could he bring home treats he likes that you don't? Or would he be willing to hide them? Or just buy enough for him and DD? I find its easier to resist stuff if its mentally earmarked for someone else.

I do think a 'diet' has to be something you can manage long term. So expecting to change your eating habits completely is unrealistic but portion control of the foods you currently eat is.

If he is a good cook would he consider recipes that are healthy so something like the hairy dieters cook book or similar?

[shakemysilliesout]

Ok- this is tough.

How often do u eat together?

Here is some advice:

If u find giving up alcohol easy then give it up or reduce it. U can drag out a small glass of wine to be social.

Reduce portion size.

Have 1 meal a day when U eat together and prepare your own food for the other 2 meals. I always sort
Out my own Greek yog and banana
For breakfast. I don't care what Dh has.

Could 5:2 work for u so u have 2 days when u can enjoy
Dhs cooking and snacks?

I think most of these ideas are sustainable.

Your daughter may need to gain weight but it's still important she has
Healthy parents with a healthy attitude to food. All things in moderation.

[ppeatfruit]

You could ALL do the Paul Mackenna Way of Eating (it's called I can Make you thin) but I have lost the weight I needed to and I'm not thin just a size 10 (loose vanity sized).

He says to eat why you like but to eat ONLY WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY, and TO EAT SLOWLY AND CONSCIOUSLY, also STOP WHEN YOU'RE FULL.

It's a different approach altogether and it works for putting on and taking off weight.

I combine it with the Hay diet which is not mixing carbs and protein at the same meal and that is fabulous for your health too. But you don't have to. There's a good support thread on here too.

[ppeatfruit]

Sorry 'to eat 'what' you like'. I find that you can use gorgeous sweeteners like maple syrup etc. and plenty of lemon juice . olive oil dressings to make your 'healthy food taste good.

[Slowcommotion]

Thanks for replies; apologies - only seen just now - have been out on a bit of day trip!

Anomaly yy to your first para. I will talk to him about portion sizes. Unfortunately, he has a huge appetite himself and so doesn't really have a very realistic idea of what a normal portion is. For example, he often serves a smallish first helping and then returns with huge second helpings about three times the size of the first!! I have already started serving meals straight on to plates instead of putting serving dishes on table though.

And that's a good idea of him only bringing home snacks of things I don't like!! Thanks!!

Oh yes, he is a good cook, and we already have quite a few diet books (including Hairy Dieters). We actually eat quite healthy food, but it's the portion sizes that are out of control.

shakemy well we tend to eat together quite a bit when he is here (as his office is nearby) but he also travels a fair amount so I am left to my own devices too. It's just that he buys so much food (even when I have already done the shopping) that it takes quite a while to work through that when he is away ifsywim, because I don't like to throw it out for no reason. I already always get my own breakfast. And I am a bit suspicious of 5:2 because dh tried it 2yrs ago and it resulted in a terrible gallbladder problem for him (I know it has worked well for others though). You are right though, I do need to separate out are eating a lot more, and reduce portion sizes of course. Point taken about modelling healthy eating for dd!

Ppeatfruit I have the Paul Mckenna book and tape somewhere. I just need to find it and start listening to it! Despite being hugely cynical about it, it did help me quite a bit last time as I recall. Although I found the 'when' bit a little problematic as dd and dh have busy schedules and both need to eat at quite specific times; and we like to eat as a family.

Ok so will start

• by eating separately at least two or three nights a week (starting slowly!!) when he is here and/or eating something different
  

-reducing my portion sizes

• finding/listening to Paul Mckenna DVD
  

And am already making home made soups and salads for lunches

Thank you everyone! Much appreciated! Determined to lose at least a stone by May and another stone by September!!

[Slowcommotion]

Btw Ppeatfruit do you use maple syrup to sweeten tea? (Or would that be wierd?) I am trying to cut down on sugar. I don't take milk in my tea but find it very acid without something sweet in it. Don't like the idea of artificial sweeteners either.

[Starlightbright1]

I would do a few things if DP has enormous appetitie. I sugget you increase your veg portions...

Also if he cooks massive portions can you not box them up for the freezer will save cooking another day, money and once boxed up less tempting

[Slowcommotion]

Thanks Starlight I try to but dh always insists he will eat them for lunch the next day! He does and then cooks something else as well!

[NimpyWWindowmash]

I would just eat a bit less than usual, and maybe skip puddings/cakes/treats.

I would not go for dramatically less, just tweak it a bit. Keep eating normal meals.

Tell DH you are trying to eat a bit less, to lose weight. Not a big deal, just that you may not have seconds or pudding any more.

That way you can still enjoy meals together. Just push your "off switch" a bit sooner

[snozzlemaid]

Could you get him a cook book with healthier recipes in that he could have a go at. Something like The Hairy Bikers one.
Also, get some smaller plates that you can use. Tell him you're going to have a smaller portion on one of the smaller plates. That really helped me with portion size.

[Twinklestar2]

Use a smaller plate and fill half of it with veg or salad?

[Slowcommotion]

Thank you Nimpy and Snozzle

Think the smaller plate idea is a very good one!! And a constant concrete reminder ifyswim!

Agree Nimpy that steady is the way to go - not anything too dramatic - that way dh is more likely to jump on board too!!

Snozzle yes, have Hairy Bikers but may add a few more calorie conscious cookbooks to pile!

[Slowcommotion]

Thanks Twinkle [adds half plate = salad] to list!!!

Getting quite excited about this now!!

[rookiemere]

I've been logging my calorie intake on my fitness pal since start of Jan, I love my food but am still managing to lose weight slowly and steadily. Like you my diet was/is not enormously healthy but portion sizes tend to be too big and we were eating out a lot and treating myself because it was Christmas.

Things that I have done that are easy:

• cutting out all alcohol bar the occasional glass of wine when I'm out ( which I then enjoy 10X as much (grin)
  

• doing a modified version of 5:2 - so 6 days a week I eat around 1700 cals which is what MFP recommends for slow weight loss, and on the 7th day I eat around 1000 cals - I did 5:2 last year and found it too hard core for me, but this is manageable, I aim for 800 cals that day but it usually ends up as more
  

• DH and I were going out for a meal a week when DS was at cubs, but now we have signed up for ballroom dancing instead. I can't say it's going brilliantly but in principal we have swapped pounds and ££s for healthy exercise
  

• Try to keep snacks high protein - do I eat a danio or liberte yoghurt most days because of their protein content
  

• Cut down on carbs , but not out. So I love poached egg, smoked salmon on toast, it's my daily treat. Two or three days a week I have started cutting out the toast element - it's not quite as nice but feels virtuous
  

• I still have treats, but restrict that to one or two Hotel Chocolats per day. Luckily I don't like cakes or biscuits much
  

• I'm not sure if you work or not but bringing my lunch to work has been enormously helpful. I make a salad with a full chicken breast, loads of salad items and a squirt of mayo, plus some avocado, still got less calories than a sandwich

[Slowcommotion]

rookiemere thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that out - it is really helpful (and interesting!!)

I'm already on MFP and agree it is a very useful tool.

And cutting down on carbs and having one day a week where calorie intake is much less, are really good ideas that I will take on board, thank you!

Not sure I will be able to persuade dh to go out dancing ... but you never know!!!!!

[Slowcommotion]

Thinking about it though, we ruddy tennsi courts for hire across the road... we really have no excuse do we???

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

I was in this situation. I sorted my own breakfast and lunch and ate a much reduced portion of what DH cooked. Over eight months I lost 3 stone.

[rookiemere]

I'm not sure how long the dancing will last !

We missed last weeks class as I had a bad cold and I know DH isn't keen to go back, but I'm quite tight, and we've paid, and my waistline simply can't take a lovely pub supper once a week on top of other eating out.

[Slowcommotion]

keep going rookiemere!!!

thank you amothersplace that really gives me hope! And you make it sound eminently do-able!! Will follow suit!!

[WhenMarnieWasThere]

I got myself this from amazon. It's a bit pricey for a plate, but it is a good reminder for me.

[Slowcommotion]

Ooohhhh, thanks very much WhenMarnie will go and have a look ....!

Was going to buy the British Heart Foundation ones but they don't send them to where we live (abroad)

[mameulah]

Slimming World is all about cooking delicious food from scratch and there are HEAPS of foods that you can eat unlimited quantities of.

I reckon you should look up the website. At my slimming group there are heaps of foodies there raving about it!

[Twinklestar2]

Can you post a typical days menu for us to look at?

[Timeforabiscuit]

Regarding tea, I cut all caffeine and switched to tea pigs (did this gradually otherwise you get horrible cafdine withdrawal headaches).

Its really made a difference to my appetite, I'm not fighting a roller coaster of caffeine comedown and then boasting again with biscuits.

The peppermint and liquorice is especially yummy

[ppeatfruit]

Ccommotion You can add maple syrup to tea and coffee but like Timefor I cut out daily cups of 'normal' tea and coffee and I lost a stone without trying!!

I DID have a headache for a day,so it's an idea to do it at the weekend when you can rest. Green and mint tea bags are a lovely substitute that doesn't need sweetening! (also the green tea bag helps with caffeine withdrawal pangs.)