invite wording: how do you say no presents without being rude

(26 Posts)
byanymeans Thu 03-Jan-13 16:28:39

I am getting married this August smile
So we have started to think about invite wording. We are eloping but then having a party a few days later. we have very very little budget, ever thing is going to be diy, the flowers home grown, decorations recycled and hand made. We are going to ask guests to each bring there own picnic. We will lay on lots of puddings and lay on drinks.
We are keeping every thing informal no need to dress up just a good party.

Today mil has asked about presents and wants us to put out a wedding list or poem asking for cash on the invite (our choice of course). We have lived together for 6+ years so we dont need presents and I hate the idea of asking for money. At the end of the day its not a big fancy wedding, so no need for big fancy gifts. She has it in her head that we should do a poem or voucher request, she even started talking about money trees.... We are asking our guest to bring a picnic we cant ask for any more.

Can we just say 'no presents please' on the invites and leave it at that or is that rude in its self?

ChristmasPickles Thu 03-Jan-13 16:32:21

Well I don't think you can ask for presents if you are asking guests to bring their own food so MIL is definitely wrong there.

I had an invite that said something like 'As we have lived together x years we really don't need anything so please no gifts, just come and share our day'. Something like that would work and I don't think it will seem rude however you word it.

CockBollocks Thu 03-Jan-13 16:34:03

'no presents please' doesnt sound great.

Maybe something along the lines of
'Being with friends & loved ones on the special day is all the gift we need.
So we have decided against a gift list'

Then if they really want to buy something (some people do) then they can.

Officedepot Thu 03-Jan-13 16:35:22

Please don't say something cringe like "your presence is present enough" - I hate that as you still feel obliged to buy a present.

If I was your friend I would actually still want to buy you are pressie even if your wedding is cheap and I have to bring own picnic - you give pressies to congratulate on the marriage NOT to get something in return. The cost of the wedding has nothing to do with whether you should get gifts or not.

If you really don't want pressies I would suggest a charity that people might like to make a donation to on your behalf and set up a just giving page or something

shelldockley Thu 03-Jan-13 16:38:44

We left no mention of presents on our invites when we got married last year, and it worked out fine for us. We didn't want to use a twee poem and we didn't need anything, in the end most people gave us vouchers, some cash, some nothing, all of which was fine with us. People tried to tell us we'd end up with 3 toasters and lots of things we didn't want if we didn't do a gift list, but that wasn't our experience.

Celticlassie Thu 03-Jan-13 16:47:21

Be careful though, because often 'no gifts please' is interpreted as 'we want money please' and then people may not like you! wink

Celticlassie Thu 03-Jan-13 16:47:21

Be careful though, because often 'no gifts please' is interpreted as 'we want money please' and then people may not like you! wink

ChristmasPickles Thu 03-Jan-13 17:07:04

Actually I think shelldonkey is right, don't mention it at all and you'll get vouchers if people really want to get something.

Congratulations btw!

ChristmasPickles Thu 03-Jan-13 17:07:42

shelldockley even!

byanymeans Thu 03-Jan-13 17:12:13

I was thinking the same Celticlassie, by saying no gifts or even writting about gift is that in some way asking for money? Its a mine-field but have been given towels ever time we have moved (5 times in 6 years) we have lots of towels I dont want risk getting yet more towels.
I think i like the ' being with friends and loved ones.....' line, we just want our friends to enjoy the party not worry about the cost of presents and outfits to wear.

TobyLerone Fri 04-Jan-13 09:29:19

I'm getting married next Saturday. We are in the same situation -- we live together and don't need anything and really don't want any gifts/money/vouchers.

We just sent the invitations with nothing about gifts, and have told anyone who has asked that we really don't want them to give us anything. I know there will be the odd old-fashioned relative who wants to give us something for their own benefit, but I don't think that can be avoided.

Yama Fri 04-Jan-13 09:35:08

We didn't mention anything on our invitations either. We got cash in cards, some vouchers, a couple of really thoughtful presents like wine from the place of a shared holiday and some people gave nothing. I like that people felt comfortable enough to give nothing.

Rosa Fri 04-Jan-13 09:36:01

We would hope you would like to join us on August XXX we are not asking for gifts of any kind we would just like your company.. Thank you x &x small slip in with the invitation along those lines?

Yama Fri 04-Jan-13 09:36:55

Oh, and one of my brothers insisted on giving a gift so I asked for a garlic crusher. smile

Yama Fri 04-Jan-13 09:38:12

And TobyLerone - have a lovely day next Saturday.

Rosa Fri 04-Jan-13 09:38:29

Forgot to add, I was invited to a wedding that I was unable to attend and the B&G wanted the same thing. I really wanted to give them a little something so arranged a treat on the honeymoon for them.

Kahlua4me Fri 04-Jan-13 09:42:46

My db and sol asked for champagne for their wedding which was then shared with ebpveryone one the day. Worked out really well

Kahlua4me Fri 04-Jan-13 09:43:12

SIL

Panzee Fri 04-Jan-13 09:45:40

If the couple don't want presents, people should respect that.

TobyLerone Fri 04-Jan-13 12:34:47

Aw, thanks Yama smile

TheWheelies Fri 04-Jan-13 21:14:31

We don't want to mention a gift list in our invitation, but there are things we could do with if people really insist. Do you think it works to have a gift list with some small items that we can point people at if they'd really like to get something? It feels like it should....

TobyLerone Sat 05-Jan-13 08:58:09

Yes, I think that would work. Because people will ask.

Pinner35 Sat 05-Jan-13 09:01:04

You could say something along the lines of "we prefer presence to presents".

TobyLerone Sat 05-Jan-13 09:48:22

Please don't say that! It's twee and overdone and rubbish.

TheWheelies Sat 05-Jan-13 20:31:44

Thanks TobyLerone. You're right - they will ask. In fact some already have, and it's months until the wedding.

byanymeans Sun 06-Jan-13 17:54:39

Thank you all for your help. I think we may go with say nothing, fi think its the best way not to upset anyone and just hope for no more towels.

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