AIBU to sack her as bridesmaid?

(20 Posts)
holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 20:44:33

Friend of 7 years. We were best friends for a few years but eventually drifted. Always stayed in contact but not as close as we once were. We tend to go through phases of seeing more of each other, which is fine it's how things just are with us.

Realistically though, she's always been a shit friend. A SHIT friend. She use to cancel on me - albeit from when we were 16 - with some illness but be out with other friends. She still cancels to this day. She has absolutely no other friends except me, as she is an explosive, and in some senses completely deluded. She has this vicious, nasty side to her and can explode on you at any point for bizarre, unfair reasons.

I have however always been her friend. I've had more arguments with my parents, DP, sisters and the other bridesmaids over the years about how she is a toxic person and a terrible friend. But I've always remained her friend.

Me and DP got engaged in August. I got the expected 'my best friend is getting married!' post, a few occasional photos of bridesmaid dress ideas send to me and that's it. We had a late engagement party on the 18th Nov and she left after 10 mins, and as far as I am aware went out with a work friend. She didn't speak to me again until tonight, when I text her asking if she was receiving the bridesmaid group chat messages. (I knew she was. She had been active on Facebook) she's told me she's 'been busy and will catch up now xxxx'

I know that's bull crap, as above she had been active on Facebook!
I would really like to sack her as bridesmaids but she is such a manipulative, explosive person I know all it will do is end up me coming out the terrible person and as usual, she doing no wrong. I have absolutely no idea how to handle this situation and I'm completely out my depth. What is the best way to deal with this to avoid any drama/arguments/explosions or is it inevitable?! sad

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 24-Nov-16 20:51:47

Just whatsapp her and say that you don't think the bridesmaid thing will work out. Don't go into detail. Then block her on every single social media site and never talk to her again. People like this feed on drama - don't give it to her. If anyone else from her family tries to contact you, do not engage And block them. If you have mutual friends, do not discuss it with them, just say the bridesmaid thing wasn't working out.

Once you've done that, try and work out why you would stay friends with someone like that AND ask them to be a bridesmaid, so you don't make the same mistake again

tictactoad Thu 24-Nov-16 20:55:06

Why did you ask her in the first place? confused

If she has no friends but you how is there going to be an explosion that puts you in the wrong and why would it matter?

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:10:08

witch I guess that was the only solution to deal with this situation... I think I just needed to hear that what I was doing was okay and that I'm not being unreasonable. I think I feel sorry for her.

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:11:41

tic We've been friends for a long time. I know I have a too forgiving nature and I think I feel sorry for her. To be quite honest I don't know why she has this hold over me. I need to grow some balls I think.

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:15:16

It also made my life 10x easier to just to let her be bridesmaid because the backlash would have been hell if I didn't. She doesn't get on with any of the other bridesmaids either because she gets mad that I may 'like them more'. It's like being at school.

thisismyfirsttime Thu 24-Nov-16 21:16:47

If she has no other friends how did she go out with a work friend after your party? Why have you remained her friend, you've said nothing about any good qualities so why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid?
I think you know she will just mess you about until the wedding and cause you unnecessary drama so let her go, and let the friendship go while you're at it if she's not a good friend!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 24-Nov-16 21:20:21

Honestly - life is too short for this. Cut her out. Do not engage with anyone who wants to discuss it. Move on.

Alternatively, if you can't do that, put up with her and spend your wedding day on a knife edge waiting for an explosion.

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:22:49

firsttime the work colleague is someone who started in her office a few weeks ago. She tends to try and organise nights out with new starters etc but it never lasts long. She has 'friends' as in, people she will chat with and have lunch with at work but no one outside of work. And these 'friends' at work, she argues and falls out with frequently. Never her fault though. confused

I know I'm going to have to cut all ties. I think it's difficult as I know deep down there is a nice side in there, but it's buried deep under a completely selfish front. We've been friends for such a long time as well. I'm holding on for all the wrong reasons I know.

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:24:44

Gibbo that or she gets so drunk she's sick and pisses her self and cries because I may have left her for 10 mins. Wouldn't be a first! Maybe deep down I feel like her mother hence why I can't cut all ties grin

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:25:50

Witch no idea where Gibbo came from then! blush

BastardGoDarkly Thu 24-Nov-16 21:28:01

Jesus Christ! You sound like you hate her! And she sounds like a total PITA. What 'fall out' would there be if all your family and friends hate her?

Very strange.

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:31:42

Darkly I suppose there wouldn't be. We work together but I am leaving there in 3 weeks to start a new job!

I completely just need to grow a back bone. I know what she's like and what a performance she can put on. She has work 'collegues' that she would completely slag me off too, but they aren't people I'm really concerned about. I just hate the thought of people disliking me blush I'm such a nob grin

Friendinneed2016 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:33:23

Is there anything nice about her?

holygold13 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:37:44

Friend she's good fun on a night out, if she doesn't end up crying or throwing up. grin face value, she isn't as terrible as this post seems. It's just the little things, that after 7 years of friendship are hard to ignore.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 24-Nov-16 21:41:07

Google the drama triangle and reflect. Honestly, I think it will help make sense of this

hoddtastic Thu 24-Nov-16 21:41:57

you reaaaalllllllllly don't like her- knock the whole 'friendship' on the head. Neither of you are enjoying it.

Rubies12345 Thu 24-Nov-16 23:23:47

You leave in 3 weeks, phase her out.

There will be no fallout because she has no connection to your friends and family, this is a work colleague.

BastardGoDarkly Fri 25-Nov-16 10:01:41

Just don't message her anymore, remove her from the bridesmaid chat group, and when she asks why, just say, you've not been involved, so I'm moving forward without you, i don't need the drama anymore, bye!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 25-Nov-16 10:07:22

Off topic slightly but bridesmaids group chat?! What have they all got to chat about?!confused When is this wedding?

It definitely sounds as though you don't like her so I don't really get why you asked her in the first place. Just phase her out and be done with it.

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