The dress...should I do as I'm told...

(24 Posts)
Weelea1 Fri 11-Nov-16 22:50:39

So I'm getting married in 2018 I'm struggling big time tbh my mum isn't being very helpful and my mother in law is being so nice and helping me make some decisions which indeed I'm terrible at but every bit of input is very much needed! So the dress is love to wear is white which I knew can be a touchy subject I have a 6 year old little girl who is my world and I wouldn't change her for the world! But my mum along with being very unsupportive is being quite horrible I've tried to involve her in helping me make decisions about the colours and so on but she just shrugs it off as if she's not bothered she has only asked me not to wear white I did say to her that that would be my decision to make but now any wedding talk falls on death ears when I ask her things she just says I don't know...my mum has a lot of health issues one of which is agoraphobia (she doesn't go out) which makes it twice as hard because she said she doesn't know if she will even come to the wedding...it's totally breaking my heart I have no idea what to do I'm I being selfish wanting to wear a white dress it's my first wedding I've never been married nor do I want to again but just because I had a child out of wedlock shouldn't mean I can't wear the colour I want? I'm so confused any advice is truly welcomed xx

slightlypeevedwombat Fri 11-Nov-16 22:52:11

Wear what you want to wear!!

It's your day and you should enjoy it

ChiefClerkDrumknott Fri 11-Nov-16 22:52:30

Wear whatever you feel fabulous in, be it white, black or magenta grin Your choice and everyone else can go hang

slightlypeevedwombat Fri 11-Nov-16 22:53:00

White used to signify virginity but I'd be surprised if many brides wearing white actually are

CaesiumTime Fri 11-Nov-16 22:56:04

Wear what you want and what makes you feel fabulous. It's entirely your choice.

Congratulations on your engagement.

LucyInTheSkyWithDonuts Fri 11-Nov-16 22:56:14

I think only wearing white if you are a virgin is a very outdated (and misogynistic) concept.

Wear whatever colour you want, don't try and get validation from your mother, enjoy your wedding planning smile

OurBlanche Fri 11-Nov-16 22:57:27

You are over thinking it!

Much as you love your mum, her issues are hers and I am sure that, at heart, she wouldn't want her issues to ruin your wedding day!

Wear the dress you like... and enjoy every rule breaking, myth busting, eyebrow raising moment of your day smile

HandbagCrazy Fri 11-Nov-16 22:58:06

Wear what you want. You absolutely do not want to look back at your wedding photos in 5 years and feel resentment that you're not wearing the dress you loved.

TaggieRR Fri 11-Nov-16 22:59:24

Please don't let worries about your mother put a dampener on your wedding. I hope you wear whatever colour you like and have a fabulous day.

SleepFreeZone Fri 11-Nov-16 23:00:52

If she's not even going to because I certainly wouldn't be allowing her to dictate the colour of your dress! Bright white isn't flattering on many skin types so perhaps Ivory is the compromise.

madgingermunchkin Fri 11-Nov-16 23:01:05

White only came into fashion because Queen Victoria decided she wanted to wear it and it became de rigueur. It had naff all to do with virginity.

Sod what your mother thinks. It's your wedding, do what you want.

CalleighDoodle Fri 11-Nov-16 23:03:19

Wear what you want. I wanted a dress that was a hint of blue. Loved it. But my mum kept saying people would talk as i walked down the aisle
Saying I must be pregnant. It ruined the dress for me.

heebiejeebie Fri 11-Nov-16 23:03:41

You've got the best part of 2 years to go. This sort of drama doesn't sound sustainable for that long.

KateInKorea Fri 11-Nov-16 23:04:10

Maybe white (as opposed to cream ivory champagne) won't best suit your colouring?

Could that be what she meant

slightlypeevedwombat Fri 11-Nov-16 23:07:58

Wow mad I never knew that!!
Although in ancient Japan, white was also the color of purity and innocence, so maybe I'm ancient and Japanese eh??? Where's the bloody tongue out smiley

(Desperately trying hide ignorance!! grin )

timelytess Fri 11-Nov-16 23:12:34

Wear what you like.
I suspect that a great many women who marry in white are not virgins - in fact, I only know one person who was a virgin bride(groom) and his mrs wasn't a virgin.
I'm not saying people shouldn't be, if they want to. I just think the 'white is only for virgins' ship sailed some time ago.

midcenturymodern Fri 11-Nov-16 23:18:21

I had no idea that wearing white was a touchy subject. I wore white. Wear whatever you like.

PerspicaciaTick Fri 11-Nov-16 23:28:55

Most couples who get married live at the same address. I assume that this is a pretty fair indication that neither of them are virgins.

Wear what you would like to wear.

madgingermunchkin Sat 12-Nov-16 00:05:12

Haha slightly!

I know that someone (I want to say a Royal House, or is it in Indian culture?) considers white as the colour of mourning.

Maybe all brides wear white in mourning for the loss of their freedom and life as they know it?

Weelea1 Sat 12-Nov-16 08:31:08

Hi girls thank you so much for your feedback is think your right I should wear what I want but I still would like my mums approval it's something I've always wanted yet never got but I think I know I'm not going to get it anyway so y should I beat myself up about it? I live in Scotland im not pastey white like most my mums half Cypriot so i have a good colour im not religious my mum is Catholic but doesn't follow it anymore...that's possibly why I thought it was a touchy subject I'm not one of these brides that are a monster I'm to laid back to be anything close to it we will see what I choose I'm going in January! Xx

UpLighter Sat 12-Nov-16 08:53:18

Our wedding was the last time we stopped trying to please our parents and friends.
We did everything to please and it still wasn't good enough to please some.
Choose what you want and it will make your day what you want!
Positive you will have a awesome day smile

Lireal Sat 12-Nov-16 09:06:56

Some mothers seem to find the negative in everything. You will never please her and this is the one event that should be totally about you and you h2b. My mother wanted me to have a 'traditional' wedding traditional to her looked very like a 70's wedding. Someone suggested I give her atask to keep her occupied. So I asked her to make the cake. She made an awful fruit cake which I hate and stuck plastic flowers on it. I could have easily paid for a tasty chocolate cake.
(wanders off muttering bitterly)

Kel1234 Sat 12-Nov-16 12:58:09

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you should wear whatever you want on your own wedding day. Your mum has no right to ask you not to wear white. If you want to wear white, wear it. It doesn't matter if you have no children or 10 children, or if it's your 1st wedding or 5th wedding. The bottom line is it really doesn't matter at all. Having a child does by no means at all mean you shouldn't wear white.
I was 4 months pregnant when I got married. We'd discussed marriage and both agreed we wanted it, and we were also trying for a baby. Er found out we were expecting just before Christmas. In the new year my now dh proposed - many people assumed it was only because of the baby, which wasn't true at all. We decided between us that we wanted to be married before the baby came (just what we wanted for ourselves, not saying it's right). So we were engaged for 3 months, and I was 4 months pregnant on my wedding day.
I wanted the traditional wedding, and that's what I had - big white ballgown dress, long veil over my face to walk down the aisle.
The idea that you shouldn't wear white if you have a child or are pregnant or its your 2nd wedding is so outdated.
Wear any colour you wish, and enjoy your special day. And I hope your mum comes round to the idea.

Rubies12345 Sun 13-Nov-16 23:07:49

Do you mean she wants you to wear ivory rather than white? Or a completely different colour like green?

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