how to reach a compromise on type of wedding?

(8 Posts)
ppandj Sat 02-Jan-16 08:21:55

My DP and I got engaged yesterday. We have been together a while and have an 8mo DS so I don't think it came as a surprise to anyone really but everyone has been lovely and wishing us well. DP and I were, however, not prepared for the questions about what kind of wedding we want and when it will be! So we got to talking and turns out we aren't totally on the same page about what the wedding should look like.

We agree on the following points;
The main thing is that we want to be married and see it as an outward sign of our commitment to one another.
We want a very informal wedding.
We want to spend no more than £3-4k.
We don't want speeches/first dance ritual sort of things as we both hate being centre of attention.
We don't want our wedding to be a chore to attend in any way.

My ideal would be to get married at the registry office (which is lovely here!) with very few people there, late on an afternoon. I would follow this by a party with buffet style food in a local restaurant/tapas bar/function room where we could have an informal reception and be quite flexible about no. of guests (so as to not upset anyone and have less drama).

DP isn't keen on the party afterward idea and is much less bothered about upsetting anyone. He says he just wants to be married to me and if we could wake up married without a wedding he wouldn't mind.

Anyone had a similar thing and how did you find the middle ground?

neonrainbow Sat 02-Jan-16 08:27:58

Its not like youre suggesting a country mansion wedding for £30k. If its what you want surely he can suck it up for a few hours? Your idea sounds perfect. Congratulations by the way. My DH didn't want a big formal wedding, but I did but we did it on the cheap and he concedes I was right, a wedding is something to make something of an event over.

ppandj Sat 02-Jan-16 13:21:47

Neonrainbow thank you smile. How did you end up deciding? Did anything change your dh's mind? I don't know if DP is likely to change his mind at all, yet I do want a day that feels special as opposed to just every day.

PedantPending Sun 03-Jan-16 09:16:01

If I understood correctly, your DP is not keen on the party aspect?
How about an early afternoon registry office ceremony followed by afternoon tea (and champagne). Would only need to last a couple of hours (maximum), you are celebrating, would not cost a huge amount, people will go away again at a reasonable time. Easier to manage expectations, too, as people will understand afternoon tea at 3pm or 4pm does not mean slap-up meal and all-night disco.

maybebabybee Sun 03-Jan-16 09:22:17

Congrats OP! Your wedding sounds lovely smile

I kind of get where your DP is coming from as I hate, hate, hate parties (major introvert) but OTOH what you're suggesting sounds very informal and relaxed to me. My OH and I have discussed and for our wedding we'd like either a late afternoon ceremony followed by a big dinner (no dancing) or a late morning followed by a big lunch with no evening do.

I think it would be only fair for him to compromise tbh, and this is coming from someone who really hates parties...

ppandj Sun 03-Jan-16 09:35:01

Thanks for your congratulations and replies smile. It transpires that DP is not keen on the party because he wants only immediate family there (both sets of parents and siblings) and "doesn't want a fuss". I am 100% happy to only have those people at the actual marriage but it's important to me that we do have a celebration. What I mean is that I'd like to have some sort of day that is a one-off and special because we had everyone there (for an informal gathering). I also have some friends that feel like family and I want them to be there.

Indiaplain Tue 12-Jan-16 21:24:16

Hi, did you reach a compromise? We're having a similar dilemma, but decided to get married in a pretty registry office in a nearby city with just parents/siblings. We will then have a picnic or lunch out somewhere depending on the weather.
A bit later in the summer we've hired a village hall for a low key evening celebration, maybe with a couple of speeches . I didn't want to do this on the same day as our wedding as I get a bit socially anxious and the thought of hosting a reception would have stressed me out. So I'm saving the stressing out fora few weeks later! But at least we'll still get to celebrate with friends, which is important I think.

ppandj Wed 13-Jan-16 20:40:45

Hi India
We have parked the discussion for a while as, realistically, we won't be getting married for a while anyway. We have dp's best friend's wedding in the summer, which I think will help us both get an idea of what we would like.
Congratulations on your wedding- it sounds so lovely!

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