Guest list stress!

[Moochops89]

We have 40 spaces for the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and 100 for the reception.
We want only closest family and friends at the ceremony but DP's dad feels that every single last family member should be invited to the whole thing. This means 20 extra people on top in the day, and he has said that he will pay for them all. Me and DP don't want this as we see these family members very rarely and I've never even met some of them. His dad takes it very personally but I honestly think most of them won't expect to be invited to the day anyway - they are already invited to the reception - plus it's a Thursday just after Xmas so they probably won't come anyway as they hardly know us.

I don't know how best to deal with this, anyone got any advice or been in a similar situation? DP's sister said to just tell him no and have who we want there, but he's the kind of man that would stop speaking to us if we upset him (we love him to bits really, he's just very selfish and thinks throwing money around solves all problems even though he's not rich by any means!)

Just over a year to go and no guest list sorted yet. Please help before my head falls off!

[EatDessertFirst]

I'd just invite who you want. It is YOUR day after all. The 'I'll pay for them to come.....' is a red herring as you clearly don't want these people there all day.

If he wants to be upset/not speak to you let him crack on!

[ems1910]

Invite who you want. My sister-in-law had this, her nan made her invite her cleaning lady (she would be 'very disappointed' if she didn't get to come :/) plus made it very clear that it was expected that all the cousins should be bridesmaids even if she had to pay. Her stepdad invited people to the reception that she didn't know and was then just telling guests of the hotel to come on in. Madness.

Tell him the guest list is 40, no budging and you won't take people who are close to you off the list for people you hardly know.

[Moochops89]

You're right, of course. It's just so hard to tell people straight! Plus I felt like I had no answer when he said he'd pay for them. He doesn't understand why we wouldn't want it to be a huge affair with everyone invited. It's all about appearances really. I'm dreading being the centre of attention for the day as it is!

[LizardBreath]

I feel your pain! Just trying to do this, more of a pain as we don't live in either of our home towns and also have colleagues who are friends all over the place who are definite evenings but seems a snub to give them an evening only invite when they'd have to travel so far - argh!

[wizzywig]

Invite them if you dont have to pay for it. Im sure not all of them would turn up

[Leeds2]

Make sure you make it quite clear NOW that he knows this will not be happening. If you dally about, you may find he has given them a verbal invitation which will be harder to wriggle out of.

Understand completely that it is not about the cost, but about sharing your day with those you are closest to.

[Moochops89]

My DP is fannying about waiting for the "right time" to bring it up - meanwhile his dad probably has already verbally invited the world and his dog.