Gift Request Problem

[petre1954]

My son was recently married in China to a local girl. They are now back in England and we are planning a wedding here so that his friends and family will have the opportunity to witness them exchanging their vows.

The problem is that shortly after the wedding my son and daughter in law are heading off to Malaysia, where my son has a teaching assignment, which will last at least a year.

How do we handle the gift issue? Any gifts given will be of no use because transporting them to Malaysia will be prohibitively expensive and requesting money seems a bit rude(although in China that is the custom and practice).

Can anyone help me with this dilemma.

[Takver]

I'd just say something along the lines of

'As you know X & Y will shortly be heading off to Malaysia, and won't be able to take many belongings, so please, don't give any tangible items, as they will have to pay to store them. Coming to their wedding will be gift enough, but if you do really wish to give them something for their life together then 'XXX gift vouchers for nice Malaysian household wares shop' would be very gratefully received'.

I really don't think something along those lines would be rude, people must understand the problem.

[MrsGSR]

We had the same problem (moving to a different country 2 weeks after the wedding, couldn't transport much or store anything in the UK) and just put a little note saying that if anyone wished to give a gift, money or vouchers would be appreciated.

I know it's frowned on on here, but everyone we invited knew the circumstances and understood why presents would be inconvenient.

[Cric]

I have been to loads of weddings this year and everyone asked for cash. Everyone has happily contributed. I have never met anyone in the real world who takes offence by honeymoon. It is only when I read it on here!

[Cric]

Honeymoney not honeymoon!

[singaporeswing]

I live abroad where a lot of my friends have got married in the last few years.

One idea which I have liked is to buy vouchers for a luxury hotel chain ie Mandarin Oriental, Ritz Carlton etc which they can put towards a nice meal or overnight stay.

And phrase it how Takver has, most people will completely understand.

[angeltulips]

Personally I'd find a gift list service in Malaysia and use that - how nice to start in a different country with gifts from your nearest and dearest to help you set up home. (pick non-breakable things so you can ship them home after too!)

[Boleh]

Gift list in Malaysia is a nice idea but depends where they will be based, I'm pretty sure there is no such thing available where I am! May well be something in KL though and a good range of shops.
Cash or vouchers seems sensible and Chinese folks will be expecting to give cash anyway.

[soapnuts]

Just a thought but John Lewis are doing free shipping to Singapore at the moment - worth asking them if you can do a gift list and get it shipped.... Might even be able to get the VAT back if they live abroad. (Though also check with Malaysia about being charged duty at that end)

[butterfliesinmytummy]

Look at isetan or Metrojaya department stores for gift lists in KL. Lots of UK companies ship to asia including John Lewis, debenhams, Next etc but don't ship homegoods other than a few towels and bedding I think. No-one knocks off vat except Boden.

[butterfliesinmytummy]

Amazon does wedding gift registries too...

[Boleh]

John Lewis should also take VAT off. We have considered a John Lewis list as people seem determined to give us wedding presents even though they are flying over to the wedding and we've said no gifts please. However, the tax on things when they arrive can be huge - I got charged 40% on bed linen from Debenhams. I had worked out it should be 10 or max 20% depending on exactly how they catagorized it. However, customs applies a random charge based on the info they can see on the box and if the courier company pays it on your behalf there is nothing you can do except pay them to get your goods. If you actually get called to the customs office directly it's often better because you can explain exactly what the goods are and show them the tariff code they should be under from their own website. A massive hassle though. This could just result in them having a huge bill for their presents - plus the shipping would probably cost as much as the gift.
Honestly, cash or vouchers. Maybe they could send thank you cards afterwards with a photo of the new house showing some of the items they have bought with the money?

[Boleh]

Or as butterflies says, if they are in KL a gift list at a local store.