Ideas for damage limitation (family politics) at wedding!

(4 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Wed 19-Mar-14 17:12:14

Ok I am probably worrying needlessly as we have not yet booked it, but I wondered if people could give some tips for the slight irritations / difficulties I am already envisaging with the family!
We're thinking of going abroad to where DP grew up and his parents still live, and flying my family over for 2-3 days (but have not yet booked - therefore there's still time to change anything that sounds a bad idea). Slight issues I am already preparing for and wanted advice on are;

1. My DSis doesn't like my DP
Hoping that being amongst a crowd and with her DP (who we get on with) will ease things but she does have the ability to turn totally unreasonable so slight eggshell situation there but that'll be the same whatever type of do we have!

2. MIL being disorganised
Let me explain how I can imagine this impacting on the wedding: as she lives where we'd like to book it, and it's a small community where it's who you know that matters, I can see her getting involved in organising. However she is excruciatingly disorganised (painful for a really obsessive planner like me!) e.g. regularly difficult to pin down to arrangements, turns up significantly late / changes plan at last min without saying, is always really vague so you don't know what's happening (she even does this for big things like getting to DP's graduation, and when we went out for her 50th bday she saw no reason it'd be normal to book a table for a large group). I realise some of these things are cultural differences and / or exacerbated by my naturally super organised / uptight ways. How can I keep her out of the arrangements as much as possible (without causing controversy as we're going to be on her 'territory' and therefore it's likely that at some point she'll be doing some aspect of the organising). I'm just worried that because we're in her home town she'll try to change arrangements. (e.g. A constant gripe of mine is that when we book a restaurant she refers to the time of the booking, for example, as 'Eight-Eight Thirty' when in my mind it cannot be both, and certainly on my wedding day I'd want clearer arrangements, as would my family. Maybe I'm being silly but I am already envisaging her being late for the wedding etc. - although hopefully can rely on the military precision of FIL to keep her right!

3. MIL and DM not getting on that well
No big fall outs, just really nothing at all in common. The same is true of both our dads, but the difference with them is they're both at ease chatting to new people / people they have little in common with. My DM has referred to my MIL (in confidence) as 'a complete nightmare' and MIL comes out with some great back-handers (when I said I have similar dress sense to my mum she said 'I think your mum dresses well... for her age'). I'm worried these problems would be exacerbated by us being a small group and spending a few days together (makes sense for my family to come for a few days as they're flying there).

householdchorewhore Wed 19-Mar-14 17:13:18

Elope!

ThePartyArtist Wed 19-Mar-14 17:15:43

Haha thanks... sorry should have mentioned, i really don't want to do it without the families. i know it sounds like i am just bad mouthing them but I do realise the above is just focused on the negative. There's loads I feel positive about and it really wouldn't feel right without them. Perhaps I just need to let it wash over me and trust everyone to behave themselves / get on. I am probably making a big fuss over nothing!

ecuse Wed 19-Mar-14 17:33:31

Given what you've said above, I'd have the wedding on home turf. It sounds like you will be tense about all of those things if you go ahead (regardless of whether any of your worst fears come to pass) and you'll give yourself an ulcer between then and now!

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