don't want wedding gifts - how to word invite?

(35 Posts)
whattodoo Sat 12-Oct-13 10:45:58

We've been together yonks. I've been married before.
This is going to be a low-key informal 'do' on a budget.

We don't want gifts, although I understand some (grandmas etc) may still want to give something.

We've thought about suggesting our guests give to charity, but that seems a bit haphazard if we don't nominate a specific charity. And I could honestly name dozens that I'd want to suggest.

So, what should we out on the invites to let people know that we honestly don't want them to spend their money needlessly?

AlexaChelsea Sat 12-Oct-13 10:51:26

Pick a charity, or two, or three.

lljkk Sat 12-Oct-13 10:52:22

so tough, many will think it's rude that you've stipulated anything.
I reckon Best you can do is to say how happy it would make you if people want to donate money to one of these charities instead of a material gift. Do list a bunch of suggested charities. Hype up the positive of how happy you'd be about the charity donation rather than say anything negative about material gifts.

Arisbottle Sat 12-Oct-13 10:52:25

We didn't have gifts at our wedding , I also didn't want to tell people that they had to give to a charity.

We just put a note on our invite which said no gifts .

TobyLerone Sat 12-Oct-13 10:52:50

We didn't want gifts either. We put nothing about gifts in the invitations and told anyone who asked that we didn't want anything at all. Some listened. Some gave us vouchers or cash.

I'm not sure if we did it right. But I think if you ask for 'no gifts please' in the invitations, people will assume you're asking for cash instead.

Or you could do a poem wink

Arisbottle Sat 12-Oct-13 10:54:32

I think that you are inviting people who genuinely know you and you put no gifts they will also know that you are not the type of person to ask for money either.

No one offered us money , I think we had one jokey gift.

Katz Sat 12-Oct-13 10:55:05

Don't do or say anything. If asked say you don't need anything or if you drink suggest bottles of wine for your wine rack.

RandyGiles Sat 12-Oct-13 10:55:42

Write on the invitation

'The only gift we require is your presence'

WeAreSix Sat 12-Oct-13 10:57:02

Presence not presents on the invite?

MorrisZapp Sat 12-Oct-13 10:58:37

It is traditional to give gifts at weddings. If you don't want gifts, just say 'no gifts please' on the invitation.

If you put nothing on the invite, you'll get gifts.

MillyONaire Sat 12-Oct-13 10:59:03

Our present will be your presence

lljkk Sat 12-Oct-13 11:00:36

If you dont' specify a wedding list or alternative people will give lots of cash.

MorrisZapp Sat 12-Oct-13 11:01:22

I think saying you don't need anything is a bit rubbish, as you leave people wondering if they should buy you something personal/ luxurious etc. If you don't want a gift, say please don't get us anything.

All this dancing, posturing and pretending that is expected on both sides at weddings is exactly what makes it stressful. All guests want is to be advised what to do.

TobyLerone Sat 12-Oct-13 11:04:46

Please don't do a presents/presence pun. It's awful.

MorrisZapp Sat 12-Oct-13 11:07:32

What Toby said. Toe curlingly awful.

CallMeNancy Sat 12-Oct-13 11:09:46

At least the presence/presents pun is short, succinct, and not a rhyme. It is very clear.
'No gifts' could suggest to some the even more awful 'no boxed gifts' leading some to believe that you are grasping asking for money rather than objects

CallMeNancy Sat 12-Oct-13 11:12:42

Sorry Toby, missed that you'd already said that about no gifts.
Randy's suggestion is probably best & doesn't use the pun smile

Mogz Sat 12-Oct-13 11:13:29

We put on the back page of our invites, next to the dress code and other small bits of boring info, the following;
In lieu of gifts please consider a donation to your charity of choice or to our church.
We still got some people giving physical gifts, which were really lovely, but mostly people ended up giving us cards with a little note in saying who they donated to. It was lovely knowing how our friends and family had all helped the wider world that day.

MorrisZapp Sat 12-Oct-13 11:14:30

Ok can I get this off my chest. My dear old gran, who I love to bits, is a fucking nightmare to buy presents for. Every birthday and Christmas its the same. You ask her what she would like, she says 'i don't know. I don't need anything' so you say ok, but is there anything you'd like? Cue look of bewilderment and slight upset.

Ok, have it your way granny. Yet again I will have to spend ages trying to get inside your brain and think of things you might like that you can't name yourself. You won't like them, or use them. You never do. But you'll be achingly polite and say 'thank you dear' when you open the pointless, wasted gift.

If there really is no object on this planet that would please you in any way, could you think maybe of a charity donation? Or even better, could you suggest that we drop this agony once and for all and stop buying each other gifts? I always like the cards you send, and I enjoy choosing cards for you.

Coyldnt we just do cards?

Please?

TobyLerone Sat 12-Oct-13 11:15:25

"In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to a charity of your choice" is great.

flaquark Sat 12-Oct-13 11:16:12

My Grandmother told me I wasnt allowed to put 'No gifts' on our invites because it pressumes that otherwise we would expect gifts.
So under her very watchful eye we had to not put anything, didnt have a gift list and when people asked just said we didnt want anything

Hassled Sat 12-Oct-13 11:16:22

We solved this by setting up an Oxfam wedding wish list. And it worked really well - people felt they were getting us something, which was very important to the older relatives, and we didn't feel we were taking the piss, IYSWIM.

Sammie101 Sat 12-Oct-13 11:19:13

For my grandparents anniversary party they put on their invites "no presents, just your presence", I thought that was a nice way to actual word it smile

We are going to ask people to bring a bottle or a pudding instead of presents.

Morriss what I don't understand is why you don't just respect your grandma's wishes and not buy her a present? confused

She has told you she needs nothing. To me that would mean you don't have to buy here anything.

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