It's your day, do it how you want.... But obviously Glenda and Dennis will be invited won't they?

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Who? Who the fuck are these bloody friends that simply must come to a wedding wheee they won't know anyone, haven't met the bride and haven't seen the groom for 20yrs

I'm looking at you future MIL. You're not paying. We are having 20 people. No Glenda and Dennis shouldn't expect an invite.

[Sleepyandiknowit]

All been there :) have a fab day. (With or without them ;) )

[Mumbledore]

Yes, we had to have PIL's next door neighbours at ours (who they barely spoke to all day). Initially we said no then some family members couldn't make it, so of course it was 'oh x and y can come now can't they? We reeeaaallly want them there.' Stand firm OP! I suspect Glenda and Dennis would find it a bit weird and awkward anyway - I know I would.

[BlissfullyIgnorant]

Ah! My (now) MIL vetted our guest list then added on a hideous old cow and her dull husband. I said no, she said she would invite them anyway so i said "If that woman turns up at my wedding , I'll walk out and won't come back." Simple as that. MIL mocked in her usual offensive way so I looked at DH who responded with "I know Blissfully and I would take that very seriously. And I don't want the old cow there either."
So, although we knew the unwanted guests and you don't know yours, do what YOU want and have a fantastic day.

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

But apparently Dennis would be devastated!

I just cannot for the life of me imagine in 30 years time putting that pressure on my own children to have my mates at their wedding.

Thanks for the responses. Feel better already!

[sashh]

This is a long tradition.

At all weddings for the past 100 years the bride has been bullied into one of the following:

1. having guests she doesn't know
   
2. having bridesmaids she didn't want
   
3. wearing a dress/veil/something else her mother (or a friend of a mother) wore but she (bride) hates
   
4. having food she doesn't like
   
   Brides for generations have stored this resentment up for years and years and then impose it on her own daughter or daughter in law.
   
   Sometimes brother and sisters of the bride and groom chip in with, "you don't want to have that, you must have this"
   
   In the days of bigger families this could be spread out between siblings, but now there is often only one bride in a family.
   
   
   Just watch out for the sneaky last minute verbal invite.

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Urgh. It's better that we don't do anything for now tbh. I just get so cross and stressed. It's ridiculous.

The reasons for other people getting their own way could be offset by them paying for it. That's not the case here.

I said to DP last night, why don't you call Glenda and Dennis and explain... He said he doesn't know them well enough and hasn't got their number.

The irony wasn't lost on us.

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Well the parents are being told about our plans now. I'm trying to watch downton whilst DP is talking to them.

[Sleepyandiknowit]

Hope it went ok? Fingers crossed x

[TheDoctrineOfSpike]

Op?

Are you in hiding from a wrathful Glenda?

[Pimpf]

So how did it go?

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Haha ok I think. He was there for ages.

We're settled on the guest list - all 20 of them . But in the last 48 hours I've heard that we can't have lamb... And future FIL will run some invitations off on his PC..

Just no. No thankyou.

[JRmumma]

I told my parents when i got married that they could invite a friend each, same as we used to get told as kids when my parents had a party. Worked for us! Although we had slightly more than 20 guests.

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Yeah tbh I did that at my first wedding. It was ok. They were people I at least knew. And like you say, you can lose them in a big crowd. But at a small wedding the percentage of people I haven't met cannot be 20%!

[Antidote]

We did the same as JRmumma: 25 guests for me, 25 guests for DH, 25 guests for my parents and 25 guests for DH's parents. Eventually it sank in that third cousin Maude from Adelaide really wasn't going to make the cut and my PILs arranged what became known as the "best of the rest" party for all their local friends and more distant relatives. That was one awkward lunch do I'll never forget!

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Ooh talk me through the 'best of the rest'.... Was it a formal do?

[JRmumma]

I think most people would be insulted to get an invite to the best of the rest party. Not me, but then i seem to be abnormal in the sense that i understand that the wishes of the couple are the most important on their wedding day

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Haha. I guess it depends how you do it.

We had thought about a massive engagement party instead - that would include EVERYONE. Can't really remember why we thought it was a good idea but subsequently decided against it

[Sleepyandiknowit]

Had a friend who did 25 for day and wedding but then invited the world and their wife to the evening, ( is that an option)

No one was offended as was only immediate family and v.close friends in the day.. Is that an option?

[Sleepyandiknowit]

Sorry wrote was it an option twice, reads like I'm a desperate mil!!!!!

[starfishmummy]

Our day was as Sleepy suggests. Easy enough for "my side" but Dh has many relatives that I had never met (and some I still haven't years later) and couldn't decide which of them should come to the ceremony. We left that bit to mil to decide. She nearly caused world war 3

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Thanks all. The way that the day is planned allows no time for evening guests (deliberately). If we did any other event it would be a separate entity entirely.

The reason for this is that Glenda and Dennis wouldn't travel so far 'just' for the evening do; so would naturally be invited to the whole thing.... And if they are coming for the whole day then so are Brian and Rita, Chris and Alison, Mike and sue.... And who could forget cousin William?

[Jjb2]

I am loving these stories. I am simply feeling depressed and gnarled up over my invites :( Not only do I have to contend with a MIL but 7 aunties who may as well be MIL's. What have I got myself into. Nice to know everyone goes through this shit

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

Have you tried counting up all the people that 'should' get an invite.

We stopped at 150 but could have carried on

[pootlebug]

Stand your ground. If you were inviting 100 an extra two isn't perhaps so big a deal (although I think there are reasons to stand your ground there too), but with 20 two people you barely know is not on at all.

Dennis shouldn't be offended because MIL should be explaining to him that you are having a small wedding with only 20 guests. God knows Dennis should have the sense to realise that is immediate family and close friends of the people getting married only.

[Glendaanddennisarentinvited]

I'm not completely sure Dennis really does actually give a shit. Do men really care that much about weddings?

Also he's in a trade that gets very busy in wedding season, so would potentially be turning down work or unavailable anyway!

At the risk of sounding like a complete spoilt bitch here's the latest 'idea'...

They want to buy us a gift. Not contribute to the wedding but spend £1k on a whopping piece of furniture. Of which we already have 2.... We have to have a 'thing' so something physical they know they have bought.

Lovely -thanks a million but what we'd really like isn't another 'thing'

But we simply must....

And so it goes on.

Nb we aren't having a gift list, and certainly no requests for cash - or a shit poem.

Seriously. Just either buy some wine on the day, contribute towards a cake... But don't make me do a fanfare of receiving a massive piece of furniture that we don't want or need. And no, we couldn't just get it and sell it...