Brides please tell me AIBU...hen weekend abroad issue

(12 Posts)
Peanutbutternutter419 Thu 22-Aug-13 22:07:00

Hey lovely brides,

I am a due to be a BM to a friend next year and i just wanted to know if i am BU regarding the hen weekend.

Background is: I got asked to be BM a few weeks ago (a year after engagement and after bride fell out with her best friend) which i am thrilled about as she was mine and I have been helping with plans/ dres etc from the start anyway.
I have a DS - 8 months,and am going back to work and having to pay out for childcare. She has a DS 4 and is due early next year with DD.
They are getting married approx 5 hours drive north of us and so we will be having to take holiday and book accomodation for a long weekend for the weddig as they want us there at least one day before the big day.
So for last couple if weeks she keeps talking about the hen weekend and a few ifeas have been passed around; butlins, newquay, magaluf etc.

Anyways she messages me saying she's seen a 'deal' for spain - 3 nights self catering for £250, and wants to book it.
I txt her back just basically saying that i wasnt comfortable leaving my DS to go abroad and 3 nights may be a bit much as DS is bf at the moment (obs not sure about next year) however i was looking forward to getting away somewhere localish for a few days.

She has not spoken to me since, i have txt and tried to call her but nothing so i know she is probably annoyed at me as we usually talk every day.

Please advise...am i out of order? Should i go as i am BM?ld

SunnyIntervals Thu 22-Aug-13 22:12:42

No YANBU! I have just organised a hen and been a bm and my DS was 18 months at the time of the hen and still bf like crazy at night smile

What I did was to install my family in a hotel at the uk city where the hen was held and I bf DS to sleep and then went back to hen and came back before he usually woke iykwim - he never knew I was gone!

I would say to her sorry to be difficult but you couldn't do abroad. However if that's what she wants you are still v happy to organise and help, you just won't be able to go.

SunnyIntervals Thu 22-Aug-13 22:13:40

Oh and I got married recently too - if she won't understand she is being a bridezila tbh

Greydog Thu 22-Aug-13 22:18:33

YANBU. When did hen (and stag) dos become this expensive? If you don't want to go, don't. If she doesn't like it that's tough. Life is too sort to try to make unreasonable people happy

LovesBeingOnHoliday Thu 22-Aug-13 22:20:43

Maybe there's a reason she's not talking to her best friend anymore?

SunnyIntervals Thu 22-Aug-13 22:22:16

I wondered that, Loves!

fuckwittery Thu 22-Aug-13 22:35:14

I txt her back just basically saying that i wasnt comfortable leaving my DS to go abroad and 3 nights may be a bit much as DS is bf at the moment (obs not sure about next year) however i was looking forward to getting away somewhere localish for a few days

This sort of sounds like you have said, well I'm not going abroad and leaving DS, your hen do will have to be local (by saying you are looking forward to going somewhere local)

Fine not to go, shame if you are BM but not fine to dictate she can't go to Spain on her hen.

MariaLuna Thu 22-Aug-13 22:38:09

Just tell her you cannot commit to a hen party abroad happening next year FFS we are only in August of this one!

Bridezilla indeed....

Peanutbutternutter419 Fri 23-Aug-13 08:45:15

Thanks for replies!
Sunny my DS still bfs at least twice in the night yawn but i couldnt imagine doing what you did...you are dedicated!! smile
Wittery i understand how that sounds now and maybe i should just call her and say more along he lines of what Sunny said just to clarify. I am due to go away on a hen weekend 2 hours drive away in a few months so its not that i want to stay really local, just font want to be abroad away from my ds.
Nice to know im not totally being out of order. Just wanted to be honest with her from the start.

WafflyVersatile Fri 23-Aug-13 08:51:33

I agree with revising your response to you can't go but of course she can go abroad.

Trills Fri 23-Aug-13 08:55:16

People who choose to go abroad for hen dos should understand that not everyone will be able to make it.

£250 for 3 nights self catering doesn't even sound like a very good deal.

Trills Fri 23-Aug-13 08:57:54

Rather than "I'm looking forward to going somewhere localish" how about "I understand if you really want to go, maybe we could also have a night out in the town where we live another weekend"

If she really wants to do this, and you are the only person who won't/can't/doesn't want to, then you should make it clear that you are happy for them to go without you, rather than that you expect the pans to change to accommodate you.

(even if you are not exactly happy, pretend to be)

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