I have no clue about wedding stuff, help please!

(52 Posts)

DP and I are getting married the summer after next so trying to work out what we need to save and do.

I have no idea where to get started though. I have no clue what a wedding needs to include. I really just want a list with absolutely everything that might be involved and budgeted for. I've found checklists but they all have different things on and some have things I'd find weird (three make up practices?!)

Help! Where do I get started?! I know where I want to marry and where I want the reception to be, but that's it confused

catherine19 Thu 27-Jun-13 23:02:54

Ooh how exciting! All a wedding has to include is the couple and a registrar, everything else is choice. Try a wedding mag, I found real brides and think its called wedding ideas more realistically then the big glossy ones. Talk o people and go to wedding fairs but most importantly sit down with ure fiancé and talk about what type of wedding u want, eg. Civil, church, sit down meal, abroad, number of guests etc and think about a budget. Make sure u visit the venues and ask lots of questions

3 make up trials is odd. I had a air and make up trial but disliked both so went bk and someone else at the sae place had a go but ,it's people only hav 1!

catherine19 Thu 27-Jun-13 23:04:57

Sorry just read that u no where! So it's mostly just ideas now! Reserve the registrars now so u can get the time u want x

Thanks for the reply! Non-glossy mags are preferable so I'll check out those two. Rock my wedding online has been browsed frequently the past few months! Though that was before DP suggested and agreed a rough time of when it will happen a few days back so now I'm shamelessly browsing it hourly blush Not that he's formally proposed hmm Apparently he 'has a plan' wrt that hmm

We don't know where 100% admittedly, the ceremony venue is 99% certain, but the reception venue is a private museum that is being renovated and they're running out of funding, so god knows if they'll be back up and running by next year which is when we'd start properly planning! Or how much that would cost as we can't ask at the moment!

We already have rough ideas on who will/won't be invited, I think it'll be around 50 people. We have rough ideas on food (curry if DP gets his way hmm) but the budget is what we're trying to work out as I have no clue how much everything will cost and people whack up the prices for weddings.

catherine19 Fri 28-Jun-13 09:22:55

Lots! I wu say work out what u think u can afford to save and how. We set up a savings account with direct debits every month and added any extras on our wages e.g over time or working weekends. E bay will save u a fortune!

Haha, yeah, I got the impression it'd be a lot wink My sister married 18 months ago and took out a 10k loan to cover the additional cost of wedding and honeymoon after saving. I don't want to get into that position though! but then our wedding won't be as expensively done nor will our honeymoon be anything more than camping and maybe a few nights 'boutique camping' as we'd rather that than flying off to some resort to lay on a beach. Never got that :/

CMOTDibbler Fri 28-Jun-13 10:11:26

I think a curry buffet would be a cracking reception tbh - and I bet it would be very cost effective.

Decide on the things that dh to be and you really want, and stick to that. Theres no need for 90% of things that people spend money on for weddings, and lots of people get pushed into doing things that they don't want either. Things like favours, flowers, cars, chair covers can add ££££ but don't actually anything to peoples enjoyment of your wedding iykwim.

The things that need to be sorted out far in advance are ceremony, reception venue, food and photographer. If you want a formal dress, then that needs ordering 6 months ahead. Everything else is just extras on these.

I agree RE the curry, I am just concerned with how it will settle in the stomach with the massive 'cheese cake', as in a 'wedding cake' made of three massive rounds of cheese and cheese board idea that he also is keen on grin Both are things I'd love but I'm more on the cheese side whereas he is obsessed by the curry idea as he hates 'poxy food at weddings and wants something good, that [I] can eat at ours', which I feel the same about tbf...

Didn't even think about flowers and things like it being 'optional', kind of just goes with the wedding in my mind but actually I'm not too fussed on vast arrays of flowers as I'd like to have knitted flowers for my wedding so that I can have them afterwards too or people can take home a little bouquet if they fancy to keep! Don't really need to bother with chair covers or a special car either though. Is it really okay to miss out on favours though, are people really not fussed by them?!

We both have a mish mash of ideas of what we want but will be brainstorming for a few more months at least as we have the time too smile

My sister has me thinking about colour themes already. Purple and green or purple and yellow or just purple and colours. This is madness, I'm being sucked in and can't even stop DP from what he is doing to show him as he's in America for two weeks the sod! He'll get an overload when he gets home grin

CMOTDibbler Fri 28-Jun-13 11:46:56

No one looks a favours for more than 2 minutes tbh. And they used to not be done at all.

I don't see an issue in having curry as your main meal, then doing the tower of cheese as your evening buffet centre piece. Our local butchers does a stacked pork pie wedding cake which looks amazing grin

FringeEvent Fri 28-Jun-13 12:00:41

I've been to a wedding where curry was served after the ceremony, it was brilliant grin

MortifiedAdams Fri 28-Jun-13 12:11:56

Get Pinterest on your phone. Jam packed with inspiration!

Like the curry buffet idea but agree it might not sit well with the cheeses. What about a big 'Afternoon Tea'? Finger sandwiches, crumpets, scones (cheese and jam), mini cakes, maybe a gammon to carve and new potato salad. Carry on the tea theme with teapot centrepeices

ratbagcatbag Fri 28-Jun-13 12:13:07

I had artificial flowers from ebay for my wedding party, looked amazing and everyone. Could take them home. Only real flowers were mine, DH and DSS.
Favour boxes - ebay filled with minstrels that I kept eating and replacing
Wedding shoes - ebay £5 and my friend borrowed the for her wedding too. Bargain
Suit hire, book now, mega mega mega discount at this point.
Check quidco when you've found your cheapest websites, even 1 and 2% cash back adds up
Wedding invites, order of service, table plan, all made by me and a friend. 200 invites, 60 order of services etc cost less than £70 to make and my cheap printer and tesco ink did the job fine. (Although I never want to stamp a love heart out again)
No car, no one remembers the car you turn up in.
I did my wedding on 4k, biggest blowout was my dress which was double my budget at £900, had a three course carvery for 42 people with a couple of glasses of wine each, and a evening reception with 220 people. I called in all the favours I could and we catered the evening do ourselves and got lots of friends to help.
Hth

ratbagcatbag Fri 28-Jun-13 12:15:06

Wedding rings, take cash shopping and haggle, got 15% off our rings as paid cash upfront.

Hm, I may just copy my sister and put chocolates on the table instead of favours then! Or a DIY sweetie bar, everybody seems to have them but they look awesome. And I want an excuse to write 'N&N' on a bunch of smarties as DP and I have virtually the same name beginning with N grin

I've seen the stacked porked pie things before, they do look good! We eat a mostly vegetarian diet though (well, I'm a vegetarian and DP has meat once a week at the moment!) so most of the food will be veggie friendly! Cheese and artisan bread are a big thing for us, we lived on it last year before I went gluten free so I want that there and we'll make our own gluten free artisan-style bread and freeze it in the weeks leading up to it.

I'm glad the curry idea isn't disliked then, our parents and siblings would love it too I think! we are hoping to get our favourite restaurant to do it. Indian food is brilliant for veggies too which is a part of why it appeals to me, as finding food which is vegetarian and gluten free is a nightmare and I dread to think what we'd end up with at our wedding if we don't go down the curry route!

ratbagcatbag Fri 28-Jun-13 12:19:17

If you're buying gifts for people in the wedding party, buy ladies jewellery from same place as rings, again negotiate a discount on those too.

Sorry, keep thinking things I did.

Oh and people loved our bridesmaids and kids presents, we got trophies engraved,so sunflower ones which said something like " Freda, thanks for being a bridesmaid on our special day, love auntie ratbagcatbag and uncle ratbagcatbag" robot trophies for boys. Massive footy one for DSS who was best man, still pride of place five years on. smile

HighInterestRat Fri 28-Jun-13 12:19:34

Yours doesnt necessarily sound like a traditional tick-box wedding so you can do what you like really. Curry sounds like a great idea!

Ok off the top of my head based on weddings I've recently been to:

Registrar
Rings
Venue hire
Food and drinks for guests
Favours, invitations and other stationary (place cards, guest book etc)
Centrepieces, chair covers and decorations etc (if that kind of venue)
Photography
Music (if you want live)
Band / DJ / whatever entertainment you'd like for the evening
Cake
Dress, suits, bridesmaids, groomsmen's outfits, hair and make up if you are having it done.
Flowers
Transport

Um... I'll come back if I think of anything else. grin

karinmaria Fri 28-Jun-13 12:57:52

I was like you when I started planning my own wedding! I had 6 months to do it in so didn't spend much time thinking about stuff - if it felt right we said yes. We had a registry office ceremony and then hired a pub for the reception. We knew we didn't want a long day (can't stand 12 hour weddings...) so started at 4pm.

The way we looked at it was that the marrying bit was for us and about us, and the food and party after was for everyone else.

Once you've got a date, time and venue sorted you can do whatever you want for the rest!

We had a buffet provided by the pub (it was a gastropub so think big salads, mini burgers, vegetable tarts etc. LOVE the curry idea!) and bought alcohol from them in advance for a discount. Once that ran out guests paid for themselves. The theme was vaguely pink - mainly because peonies were cheap and in season and the pub had a garden which had quite a bit of pink!

Ways I saved money:
- Had dress made by a fashion student (I didn't want a traditional wedding gown)
- Bought flowers at local market the day before and arranged them myself in Ikea and boot sale vases
- Bought sweets in bulk from Amazon and local market and put those in Ikea and boot sale bowls
- Used eBay for fabric flower buttonholes for the men
- Friend did my invites, sent them second class
- Didn't have a table plan etc as it was a pub so didn't need place settings, favours
- Friend made wedding cake
- Only had one bridesmaid!
- Suits were bought from Debenhams (in the sale and on one of those 20% off weekends!)
- bought things like handbags, shoes, cardi from high street shops and TK Maxx not wedding dress shops (they charge over £50 for a diamanté hair thingy when you can get them in accessorize for less than half that)

Have fun! My last bit of advise is the best weddings I have been to are the ones where the bride and groom have thought about their guests for the party and remembered that the reception is a celebration. I've been to a few weddings where most people have travelled and had to stay overnight, only to find out the drinks cost £8 for a beer and the bride and groom disappeared for three hours (I'm not kidding) for photos. It sounds like you're going down the right road grin

ratbagcatbag: That's brilliant, I need people who have done it to tell me what to do! grin

Highinterest: That helps, thank you smile The ticklists are driving me mad as they're all different, there is noone on them saying "This is the bare minimum" because they all want to sell you something

karin: thanks for the ways you saved, that's handy for me grin never thought of amazon for sweets! I've just found a tutorial for painting glass so might charity shop buy a load of glass bowls and things and paint them the same colour for a sweet buffet!

My sister (the only one who knows IRL about any of it) is freaking out about the idea of curry, should be fun!

Jeez, disappearing for three hours and 38 for a beer is madness!

You're all brilliant btw! Thank you! I think I have enough of the basics to at least work out how much they cost before I start my embellishments!

RE food, how much do you budget per person? :/

sis Fri 28-Jun-13 13:26:08

If you in or near an area with a large Indian population, it may be worth asking around for a Gujarati caterer as they tend to provide more veggie friendly food and the curries are a little 'lighter' than those provided in most restaurants. Don't be scared by the amount of oil - it is there as a sort of preservative to stop food going off in hot weather and you can ask them to skim it off before serving.

BistoBear Fri 28-Jun-13 13:31:42

So glad I've found this thread! My lovely fella proposed to me last weekend and I also no nothing about what you need for a wedding!

I have been looking on Etsy, Pinterest and eBay for inspiration, so much lovely stuff out there!

All very exciting smile

sis: I'm not I'm afraid, but having just googled gujarti caterer I have come up with a brilliant looking restaurant near me that might be worth looking at! I also know of a few street food type people who do the foodie events down here every time so I may end up asking them if they might do a wedding too.

congratulations bisto smile

It's fatal isn't it? I was browsing before but now DP has actually agreed a time I'm getting really sucked into all of the prettiness of everything! I'm hoping to DIY as much as possible and knit a bit too. DPs Mum knits and is amazing at it so I'll be roping her in grin

sis Fri 28-Jun-13 13:44:47

Oh good and sorry, I forgot to say congratulations! and to BistoBear too.

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