Our wedding - opinions please!

[msmorgan]

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 2 kids. We have decided to get married and both wanted a relatively small wedding at a lovely venue. We have booked the venue for next spring and are happy with our plans. However a few friends and family have commented on various things. I would love a few honest opinions of our plans.

We are only having 40 guests, my side consists of mainly close family and a few friends dp is having mostly friends and just a few relatives (parents, siblings and grandparents).

The wedding ceremony is late afternoon followed by the wedding breakfast then the evening reception with a buffet. The ceremony is in one room with the meal and evening reception in another room with an adjoining private bar. We are providing our own music using our iPad, there is no disco. We do not want to do speeches (if the best man wants to do a speech that's fine bit that's it). We will not have a first dance as we don't want to and can't anyway as the room we have booked has no dance floor.

Instead of favours I was going to place vintage bon bon dishes on the tables filled with retro sweets (flying saucers, jelly babies, dolly mixtures etc) then after the cake has been cut all the guests will get some in a cake box to take home, the rest is being served with coffee at some point.

The comments we've had are regards the fact we are not inviting all our extended families, the not having a disco in the evening, not doing "proper" favours and no speeches or first dance. I would like opinions as to if people would find it strange attending a wedding like this?

[bigoldbird]

I think it sounds lovely. I had around 30 people at my wedding, only immediate family and close friends. The Best Man made a speech, no-one else did. I neither know nor care if anyone that wasn't invited was upset. We had the wedding we wanted and enjoyed every minute of it. My sister (who extremely hard to please), said it was the best wedding she had been to. So, do what you want to do, it is nobody elses business.

[Pandemoniaa]

I think people are far too quick to decide what constitutes a "proper" wedding. For sure, my former MIL was one of them, despite the fact she wasn't actually paying for the wedding to my ex-h! So she'd have absolute conniptions at what my (very) forthcoming wedding is going to be like! Because it is far from conventional yet all our friends and family are absolutely delighted with what's been planned for the day.

Your wedding sounds lovely and not at all strange.

Don't forget that many of the so-called "essentials" are relatively recent inventions by the wedding industry - an industry that exists entirely to part you from your money. Favours are, in many cases, a complete waste of money but sweets are always going to be popular. First dances are another fairly recent "tradition" too but I've been to plenty of weddings without them and never thought it at all odd!

You go with what you have planned and ignore the people who have nothing constructive to say.

[EarlGreyTeabag]

I think it sounds lovely too.

Your day, your way.

[fishybits]

You can't please everyone so don't try to please anyone.

[Wolfiefan]

It sounds lovely. It's your wedding. Your choice. End of! Have a great day and a happy marriage.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Sounds great, we had about 50 people, no extended family, no disco or first dance. We had three interconnecting rooms with the bar (including pool table and other games) in the end one, a duo playing jazz/blues as background music in the middle room with tables and chairs for people to sit and chat and an evening buffet served in the third room. We also had an outside terrace. We had lots of compliments on how relaxed it felt.

[RandomMess]

We had the marriage ceremony, then in the room next door a relaxed buffet then we went off on honeymoon - no evening do absolutely fine.

[mamalovebird]

We had about 50 and didn't invite extended family.
We didn't have a meal, as we got married at 4pm so went straight into the party with a buffet in a wine bar.
We didn't do favours - instead we made a donation to cancer research and gave everyone a pin badge (in honour of my dad and DHs mum)
We didn't cut a cake because we had cupcakes
I didn't get given away because a. my dad is dead and b. I don't believe I'm anyone's to 'give away'.

It was our day, done exactly how we wanted it (simple and laid back) and afterwards everyone commented on how it was one of the best weddings they'd been to.

Your day sounds lovely, do it however you want. You'll be the one looking back and thinking about it. I can honestly say that I had the best day of my life because it was done how we wanted it to be.

[soupmaker]

We organised our wedding and paid for it ourselves - we'd been living together for years and had had DD. We invited who we wanted and did everything our own way. Everyone had a brilliant time despite the lack of church service, wedding favours, fancy cars, matching outfits, colour scheme, etc, etc. We spent our money on a band and loads of booze.

Your plan sounds just fantastic. Do it your way.

[ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte]

It sounds great, the only thing I'd have another think about is the speeches - one of you needs to thank people for coming and it would be nice to give your parents the opportunity to speak (if you are lucky enough to still have them, if they are attending and aren't hugely embarrassing - beyond the normal level :) ).

[merlin]

It sounds perfect! It's your day so have it how YOU want it- there is no wedding law that states you must have favours and a first dance!!

fWIW we had only immediate family ( about 30), no friends. Married late afternoon followed by dinner, cutting of the cake and speeches. No dancing or disco, people sat around and chatted! Favours were a stick of rock because we live by the seaside!

Go ahead with what you've planned and don't listen to those wringing about this that and the other- if they don't like the sound of it they don't need to come!

[merlin]

Whinging not "wringing" !!

[Ragwort]

It sounds lovely - wow, who are these people who comment on other peoples' weddings/parties/anything? My DH and I married with only 5 guests, a short lunch and then we left for our honeymoon (obviously paid for everything ourselves and did not expect/get presents ). No one made any comments (at least not to us) - perhaps people were disappointed not to be 'invited' - perhaps they were relieved not to have yet another wedding to go to ! I wouldn't dream of commenting about someone else's wedding except on mumsnet.

[merlin]

Ooh and can you add Space Dust to your old fashioned sweets? A friend did something similar for her 50th with little dishes of sweeties and the Dust was by far the biggest hit- it caused great merriment!!!

[msmorgan]

Oooh space dust, will def have to remember that!

Thanks for all the replies, from now on I will just ignore peoples opinions and not discuss our plans. We want to feel relaxed on our wedding day and we wouldn't if we had lots of guests who we never usually see, the thought of long speeches, first dances etc would just stress me out. We're paying for it all ourselves so don't see why we shouldn't do things how we like.

My dad is very quiet and definitely would not want to make a speech and Dp doesn't want to do one so it will just be the best man or none at all. I've organised everything myself so don't think we'll be thanking anyone for anything.

Someone mentioned they didn't have a disco and that the guests had a good time just chatting and drinking, that's what I'm hoping for, I just want a really relaxed evening.

[whattodoo]

It sounds just like the wedding we are hoping to have next year.

Celebrate the day in the way you two want to.

[raisah]

sounds similar to mine except I had more guests than you! I didnt have speeches (unless you count my dad mumbling something inaudible for a few seconds!) I had music playing in the background so no disco. I had a mid pm ceremony followed by a late afternoon/early evening reception which I planned deliberately instead of having another reception in the evening.

People think a good wedding should be similar to that of celebs with all the tacky trimmings. Actually a good wedding is a celebration with good people, fun, music and laughter!

Most important of all is that your guests feel welcomed & honoured to share your special day rather than being half starved and out of pocket because they had to pay for their own meal at the reception. Have a lovely day, it sounds like you've thought of everything.

[Earthymama]

It's nearly my wedding anniversary; ours was actually call Big Gay Day, though. This time last year we were exhausted as we did all the food ourselves!

We had CP at 2pm, then on to converted church for bubbly/drinks, food at 4pm, the tea and cakes in the gallery with a fab floor to ceiling window. It was very vintage, shabby chic, lots of the style people on here would have been

It was so much fun, very relaxed, music by family members and compilations of our favourite songs/artists by DBIL.

Our favours were tiny pots of basil and place things were little blackboard hearts.

Very informal, feral gang of children running around, (I am exaggerating!) I loved it but I would save up and have caterers if I did it again.
And someone to run the show so we didn't have decisions to make.

Your wedding sounds lovely, take no notice of nay-sayers.
Someone pissed on our chips when we said what we were planning so we just didn't really engage with them about it and all was well. I am a little bit jealous that you get to do all the planning and choosing nice things.

[salcz]

Sounds lovely.
And FWIW, I paid a fortune for a disco and hardly anyone danced - they all sat outside chatting and generally enjoying themselves.

[breatheslowly]

We didn't want a disco or dancing so had a lunch instead. I think that fewer than 50% of the weddings we've been to have had favours. They look vital if you read a wedding magazine, but actually seem to be part of the wedding industry more than anything else.

[Areyoumadorisitme]

It sounds lovely.

We had a 'traditional' wedding and that was wonderful, yours sounds a bit different but equally great.

When you asked opinions I was expecting something outlandish or odd but it's not at all.

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful day

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I'd far rather sit or stand around and chat with background music than be stuck in a room with a noisy disco or ceilidh and have people trying to drag you out to dance, both DH and I are reluctant dancers and would have hated to have to do a first dance together.

[missnevermind]

We were married at lunchtime at the registry office. Family and close friends only - was still 40 people. Small buffet for those that wanted to stay the whole day in the nearby pub. Evening reception in same pub (Actually it was a gay bar but my friend worked there and got us a great discount)
No favours, no speeches, no top table - Mil did have a fit about that one. No first dance. We had the DJ that would have usually worked that room on a Saturday night. Over 100 people 20 years ago. People still remember it as a good night.

[msmorgan]

I'm glad to hear quite a few of you have not bothered with a disco and it was fine. I had a few comments about not having one but every wedding I've been to there's only been a few people on the dance floor and they were much bigger weddings than ours. I'm also quite picky and hate the thought of a DJ being in charge of the music and playing stuff I don't like!

I mentioned to a close relative that I was thinking of not having a top table and just having all circular tables and that myself and dp would then just sit with our friends and that did not go down too well! Think from now on I will definitely just keep my ideas to myself and do what suits us.

All of your weddings sound lovely, especially the less formal ones.

[Pandemoniaa]

I've never been a great fan of the "It's UR Day, hun" approach but ultimately, it is your wedding. You aren't planning anything unreasonable or bridezilla here, just the sort of day that suits you. As I said upthread, there's no so-called "tradition" that is set in stone and for sure, the most recent weddings I've been to have not had top tables either. Circular tables allow for much more easy-going chat and your guests will appreciate that. Anyone who can't accept your ideas should seriously ask themselves why they feel they have any right to make disparaging comments. Have a lovely day!