Is it normal for a groom to have a special dance with his mother?

(108 Posts)

I'm just wondering if this is something my MIL to be has come up with or if it's normal for a son and his mum to have a special dance that's just for the two of them at a wedding.

It sounds like a shit idea to me but perhaps I'm biased!

Theironfistofarkus Tue 30-Apr-13 20:47:23

I agree nfk. I skipped it at my wedding. Might not have if I wasn't a crap dancer tho!

nkf Tue 30-Apr-13 18:36:56

The bride and groom dance is weird too. They sort of sway there while people stand around watching. Bizarre.

Theironfistofarkus Mon 29-Apr-13 22:30:38

I'm sorry but while it is lovely for a son to dance with his Mum, it is plain weird for the music to change especially and for everyone to stop and watch the dance. I can see why she may want a few private words with her son. But a full on dance of her own with everyone watching is narcissism. This is her son and his wife's day, not hers.

I fully expect them to dance with each other, just not to have a special dance just for them with very different music from what we are having played for the rest of the night.

TobyLerone Mon 29-Apr-13 21:32:19

None of that happened at my wedding either. DH still danced with his mum.

The thing is corny none of that will be happening at my wedding as my dad isn't going.

everybodysstressy you could be onto something there. I'm sure she's disappointed by me as her daughter-in-law. I don't do her son's washing, I won't be taking his surname, I expect him to pull his weight with housework. And my latest crime is that I'm planning to breast feed. Bearing in mind I'm not even pregnant I had to sit through a lecture the other day about how breast feeding is selfish and unfair on her son. DP pulled this face hmm when I told him.

EverybodysStressyEyed Mon 29-Apr-13 20:01:35

Good point corny - when I have been to weddings where a mother does a speech I have heard comments about her being attention seeking or a show off (except for the one where the father had died)

Tbh, every one I know who thinks their mil is difficult is also extremely difficult themselves!!

cornyderpy Mon 29-Apr-13 19:40:37

I went to a wedding once where the bride's father actually walked down the aisle with his daughter whilst the organist played them their own special song.

I couldn't believe it when he actually stood up during the speeches and made a speech - how attention seeking. He'd clearly rehearsed it - he kept looking at cue cards.

The icing on the cake was when he danced with his daughter.
So creepy and attention seeking.

Hullygully Mon 29-Apr-13 19:34:21

HOW DID YOU KNOW Katie?

K8Middleton Mon 29-Apr-13 18:24:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Mon 29-Apr-13 16:41:41

While obviously there is nothing wrong with mothers loving sons and hopefully reciprocity too, what IS odd the demand for a "special" dance when there wouldn't normally be one. Taken with the car thing, it is odd.

Wouldn't she just assume that at some point in the evening son would wander over and say, "come on you old bag (whatever), let's have a dance" and they'd just have one without any fuss?

My ds (16) learns ballroom dancing and tried to arrange lessons for me and him together for mother's day as he knows I want to do it too. At his wedding we will basically be giving a whole spangled show.

Floralnomad Mon 29-Apr-13 16:31:58

Having not spoken to me for 15 years I think even my husband would admit that his mother ,who he loves very much ,is a pretty crap MIL ! My mum on the other hand is a great MIL .

seeker Mon 29-Apr-13 16:21:42

It's also interesting that one woman's lovely mother is somebody else's MIL from hell.........

drjohnsonscat Mon 29-Apr-13 14:24:32

No I don't, No MIL and my mum is great smile.

But I will be a MIL one day, I hope. And I will be just as I am now. There's no father in our family to do the first dance with DD should she want it but I would be honoured if I could walk her down the aisle, make a speech about her, even dance with her if she wants to recreate that tradition in our own odd way, generally show my love for her at her wedding. Ditto my son.

I think mumsnet of all places should be able to celebrate and honour mothers and sons. OK this particular woman might be weird and only the OP knows that but I don't get why the whole idea is weird. Or any more weird than the whole wedding ceremony construct of "virgin" brides being given by the old owner to a new owner and identified as his with a new name and a ring demonstrating ownership.

Floralnomad Mon 29-Apr-13 12:57:17

drjohnson ,there speaks a person who doesn't have a crazy mother or MIL.

jellybeans Mon 29-Apr-13 10:15:40

We didn't do any sort of family dancing. It's just not for us.

drjohnsonscat Mon 29-Apr-13 10:06:59

seeker, loving your work on this thread.

Funny how women are wonderful and never wrong and mothers are wonderful and never wrong until they are mothers of grown up sons and then they are dreadful and creepy.

AnneElliott Sun 28-Apr-13 19:20:50

I agree it's a bit weird. Sounds like something my DM would do as she hates someone else being the centre of attention.

At my wedding my DM wanted to walk down the aisle with me and my dad and when he vetoed that she wanted to walk down the aisle in front of me with my DB. I vetoed that.

I would suggest your DP telling her that he'll dance with her to that sing but not on their own.

SantanaLopez Sun 28-Apr-13 14:35:54

Only someone seriously warped could come up with that particular prophecy, Miggsie hmm

Miggsie Sun 28-Apr-13 14:27:45

Taken along with her other behaviours this request for a dance is certainly to do with trying to still be the centre of attention or detract attention from you.
Your DH doesn't want to do it so he can just say no.

I also suspect that you will be in for a lifetime of her trying to ease you out of every social occasion. I would also suspect when you have children she will refer to them as hers.

Trying to upstage a bride on a wedding day is a sign of a deeply insecure and possibly spiteful nature. She does think she is in competition with you - who buys a new car so they will look good compared to a wedding hired car? Someone seriously warped, that's who.

Roseformeplease Sun 28-Apr-13 14:10:52

My husband danced with his Mum at our wedding (Ceilidh) but he also danced with loads of other people and it was not a "solo." She was just someone he made a point of dancing with once. She taught him to dance, properly, (he is amazing!) so I thought nothing of it.

SantanaLopez Sun 28-Apr-13 14:06:42

Maybe- I love my son. I'm really glad he's getting married. I'd like to dance with him at his wedding. I like this song. Maybe we could dance to it together.

It's mind-blowing, I know.

nkf Sun 28-Apr-13 14:00:33

I meant the minds of the mothers.

seeker Sun 28-Apr-13 13:59:19

"What can be going through these women's minds?"

I don't know. I wonder if it's insecurity? Maybe they think that if their husbands give any love or consideration to their mothers,that's love and consideration not being given to them, and they want all of it?

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