Is it normal for a groom to have a special dance with his mother?

(108 Posts)

I'm just wondering if this is something my MIL to be has come up with or if it's normal for a son and his mum to have a special dance that's just for the two of them at a wedding.

It sounds like a shit idea to me but perhaps I'm biased!

ChasedByBees Sat 27-Apr-13 22:11:07

I think this might be ok if your dad was there but as he isn't, it would be insensitive and I think that's a good excuse for your DP to pass on to let his mother down gently. What would you do during this dance? Watch twiddling your thumbs?

Right, so how is the best way to approach this.

My preferred option: don't tell the DJ to play her song. Have a great time dancing and enjoying the music we have chosen so she forgets about her dance.

Option 2: DP tells her straight that he doesn't want to do the dance.

DP is great, he's not someone who sides with his mother over me. He's had to tell her a few times that I come first in his life. His mother is very overbearing, but I think she means well. I don't want to be nasty, I'm sure it's hard to have a son, be the most important woman in his life and then another woman comes along and takes that from you, so I do try hard to make allowances for some of her behaviour. But at the same time she drives me fucking mad.

cocolepew Sat 27-Apr-13 22:14:26

No, no no. Cringey.

cocolepew Sat 27-Apr-13 22:15:15

DP needs to tell her, she won't forget <bitter>

purrpurr Sat 27-Apr-13 22:15:23

Option 1 won't work. If she's that keen on getting a special dance that she's chosen a song, she won't forget about it.

CatelynStark Sat 27-Apr-13 22:17:56

I think your guests' eyebrows will shoot up to the ceiling if this goes ahead. It's very, very unusual and will make people think your MIL is a loon and feel sorry for you

It's your day and all attention should be on you, not her - the crazy baggage!

ivykaty44 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:18:52

Oh dear...

Still18atheart Sat 27-Apr-13 22:19:00

It's not the norm

YANBU especially if you aren't having a Father and Daughter dance

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:22:00

Personally I don't see the difference between this and a bride dancing with her Dad, which I don't think would raise half as many negative comments as this has.

My dad isn't invited sweetestcup

Cocolepew and purrpurr have you got MILs like this? Any stories to share? I could do with some moral support.

cocolepew Sat 27-Apr-13 22:25:26

I find the father/daughter dances cringey too..

cocolepew Sat 27-Apr-13 22:27:58

My MIL is a nightmare. We got married in a small registry office and she howled thewhole way through it. It saud that she would have preferred to be at DHs funeral hmm. I took her to get a fucking grip.
Then she went AWOL, she said she was going home for her glasses. We took the photos without her grin.

NotDavidTennant Sat 27-Apr-13 22:29:01

A fair compromise would be to agree that the DJ would play "It's a Wonderful World" at a certain point in the evening and for your MIL to have 'dibs' on your DP for that dance, but that the dance is not exclusively for them alone and anyone else can get up and dance if they feel like it.

I can't see why she would have a problem with that, unless she's deliberately trying to be the centre of attention.

SirChenjin Sat 27-Apr-13 22:29:29

Oh dear god no - my toes are curling at the thought!

K8Middleton Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:09

Yeah totally normal. If your dp's name is Oedipus!

I can't see why she would have a problem with that, unless she's deliberately trying to be the centre of attention

She has told her husband he has to buy a new car for the day as she doesn't want me and my mum turning up in a nicer car than her (a hired wedding car)
That struck me as a bit attention seeking.

bigTillyMint Sat 27-Apr-13 22:36:29

Never known it to happen. DH certainly didn't dance with his mum at our wedding.

Not sure I'd have a problem with DH dancing with his mum, but having a "special dance" would be very odd.

She sounds bonkers - good luck with her as a MILgrin

Crawling Sun 28-Apr-13 06:49:04

I wanted a special dance with my dad but he wont be attending owing to have started using again It was going to be changes by kelly amd ozzy osborn.

FruOla Sun 28-Apr-13 07:39:41

I agree with others, as your dad won't be there it isn't appropriate for your DH to have a 'special dance' with his mum.

And as for buying a new car shock. If she's that bothered, your ILs could hire a luxury car for the weekend - or hire a chauffeur driven car for the day.

A friend of mine told me that at her first wedding (I didn't know her then) her new DH and his mother walked out of the registry office arm in arm together whilst she, the new wife, trailed along behind ... alone hmm

purrpurr Sun 28-Apr-13 08:31:07

AKissIsNotAContract your MIL-to-be is starting to sound, to me, like she wishes she was going to be the bride-to-be. Is she going to rock up to your wedding in a flowing ivory gown?

As for stories, mine is relatively harmless compared to yours, it's all low level niggles, like...

When we all eat together as a family, she sets the table so I'm down the bottom with the kids (not mine - I don't have any yet), and everyone else is sat in pairs of couples. She sits next to my DH. All other wives sit next to their husbands. She sits there visibly preening throughout the entire meal. It's all so... Benign and yet creepy.

I think yours might be a tad more troublesome. What sayeth your DH-to-be - will he speak to her?

SorryMyLollipop Sun 28-Apr-13 08:33:16

Not normal. At all. Now is the time to draw some boundaries. You don't want it, your DP doesn't want it. He needs to tell her it's not happening. She sounds a nightmare. She will only get worse.

At my wedding I only wanted grown up bridesmaids. Because I didn't have her three granddaughters as bridesmaids, and she was pissed off. she dressed them up as bridesmaids in matching dresses so everyone would think they were.

I ditched my STBXH last year and one of the best things about that is that I NEVER have to see his nightmare bloody mother ever again.

SoupDragon Sun 28-Apr-13 08:38:12

If you wanted to avoid unpleasantness on the day you could have it after your first dance, he dances with both his mother and yours, you dance with his father, best man, matron of honour... all the principal wedding party dancing.

Shinigami Sun 28-Apr-13 08:59:04

This reminds me of my MILs wedding. She kept inventing special dances for her and different family members with just them on the dancefloor. The list included:

MIL and her DH (normal)
MIL and her mum
MIL and my DH
MIL and BIL
MIL and her brothers (seperately with different songs)
MIL and SIL

She even picked out songs for each of the "special" dances. Luckily the extra dances didn't happen because her friend told her on the day it was a crap idea.

CheerfulYank Sun 28-Apr-13 09:17:17

Actually in my part of America it is normal! And that's even the song we had grin

DH and I danced the first song together, then I danced with my dad and he danced with his mom to Wonderful World. I think the wedding party joined in partway through, actually.

But most weddings I've been to have a father/daughter dance and a mother/son dance. DH and I combined them as neither of us are big dancers.

purrpurr the seating plan doesn't sound minor, that's really odd of your mil.

And the comment about rather being at his funeral is shocking cocolepew

I think DP will have to have words (again!)

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