Friend wants to bring man she's never met?

(33 Posts)
PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 06:10:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christinarossetti Mon 11-Mar-13 06:24:43

No, it doesn't make you a cow. Someone else's wedding is not an appropriate setting for a first or second date. I can see that it's a bit tricky though if you friend thinks that she has fallen for him.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 11-Mar-13 06:28:08

No, no and no

TheRealFellatio Mon 11-Mar-13 06:30:46

No. Not appropriate at all. My mum wanted to bring a man she'd known for about a week to my wedding, and she sulked when I said no. She snuck off halfway through the reception to bring him 'for a quick drink' without asking me first. Totally inappropriate time and place for us all to meet him for the first time.

She married him after three weeks without telling anyone.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 06:32:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealFellatio Mon 11-Mar-13 06:37:27

He died, but yet they did stay together until then.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:02:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBucketxx Mon 11-Mar-13 07:07:30

playing devils advocate, what's tge worst that could happen at your wedding?

you wont even notice he is there.

if it really bothers you, meet him first when he first gets here

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:17:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It sounds a bit weird, but if you were okay initially with her bringing a plus one then i don't think you have a right to judge her on who that plus one is.
Are you checking out your other guests plus ones and only allowing them to attend if they meet with your approval?

It wouldn't be my choice to invite a first date to a wedding, but if i'd said to my friend that it was fine for her to bring a plus one i wouldn't then base that on who the plus one she was intending to invite along was.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:20:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBucketxx Mon 11-Mar-13 07:20:48

I know how you feel, I ended up cancelling a really big do andgettimg married in scotland with 7 guests and having a reception when we got home.

and there was people I didn't know at the reception. it happens a lot with weddings.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:21:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

X-posted with you OP.

It ends where you decide that it ends.
If you don't have room for them or really don't want them there then you say no.
But that's quite a different matter from what you said in your OP. It was the online dating thing which was mentioned, nothing about pressure from people, or how your ideal wedding has changed etc.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:23:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:24:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossbert Mon 11-Mar-13 07:25:24

MrsBucket couldn't the worst that could happen include the guy being an absolutely loon? Unable to hold a drink and starts a fight? Tries cracking on to one of the other guests?

I wouldn't be happy for him to come. With other guests they would know whether their plus ones can behave in a social situation. This guy is not known to anyone.

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition Mon 11-Mar-13 07:26:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think she was cheeky to ask.
I would just reply saying sorry, you are at maximum numbers so not possible at this stage. If anyone drops out you will let her know. You don't need to elaborate, it could be costs, room capacity etc.
your wedding was in her diary before she 'met' this guy

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Mon 11-Mar-13 07:31:12

The point is, she is not invited 'plus one'. If she were, she chooses her own plus one, but you just say 'sorry, I have no space for a plus one' and do not waver.

YANBU to not want an extra guest, YABU to pass judgment on who her guest would be if she had had a plus one.

HollaAtMeBaby Mon 11-Mar-13 07:50:55

Just say no. She didn't have a plus one invitation so she's on dodgy ground asking to bring one at all, let alone an internet random who neither you NOR SHE has met!!! How much are you spending per guest?

Dear Friend

I'm afraid we are at capacity for the venue now - and in any case, we were actually hoping for a small wedding with only close friends and family. I'm sorry InternetRandom can't come, but hope you'll still be able to, as I've been really looking forward to having you there on the day.

lots of love

PlacedInAnAwkwardPosition

TheChaoGoesMu Mon 11-Mar-13 09:57:36

YANBU to not want an extra guest, YABU to pass judgment on who her guest would be if she had had a plus one.

^ ^ ^ ^
This.

Trills Mon 11-Mar-13 10:01:22

You're not unreasonable at all to only want partners there if you know them.

In all honesty, I"d apologise and say there is no room for another guest.

Is there an evening reception part you can invite him to?

TheRealFellatio Mon 11-Mar-13 11:35:17

It sounds a bit weird, but if you were okay initially with her bringing a plus one then i don't think you have a right to judge her on who that plus one is.

Actually that's a very good point and I think I must rethink my original answer. In my defence I couldn't see further than my mother wanting to bring her new beau who I had never met to my wedding.

I do think it is a very odd first date though and I'm surprised she has chosen it.

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