Intimate and secret until last minute. Help with plans pretty please

(8 Posts)
NervyWervy Tue 12-Feb-13 21:51:23

We have a dd aged 3 and want to get married this spring. We don't want the expense of a large wedding (big family) and have decided to just invite our parents and our dd. The rest of the family would want to come if they knew so we have decided to do this:
The secret bit of the plan
Ask each set of parents (unbeknown to the other set of parents) if they can come over to our house to babysit dd for a few days while we have a mini break (this has been offered to us before- am not just taking the piss grin ). Once they have confirmed they can do the dates we are going to ring them a couple of days before to ask that they bring something nice to wear as we are taking them out for a meal just before we go away to say thank-you. This will obviously be their wedding outfit, and the going away will be our honeymoon/mini break.
Now, our plans start to fall down a bit...
Both sets of parents will turn up, lets say day before wedding (I'm worried if we leave it until the day Fil may suddenly go into work, day before at least gives us some leeway) . They will see other set of parents and wonder why they have also been asked to babysit. The house is too small for both sets to stay over. So, at this point, we'd probably have to say "we've booked you in at the local guest house, we getting married tomorrow". And then they'll no doubt be wanting to call our siblings etc. DM and MiL will probably want to head straight to the shops to choose a different outfit grin. I worry they'll all be flustered by it and we'll spend our wedding day trying to calm other peoples nerves!

the day itself
Get a taxi to very nice licensed wedding venue/hotel. Take vows in a room that is too large for the number of guests (can you tell that his is worrying me, billy no mates etc etc) have vair nice meal, champers, leave dd with whichever parents want to complete the babysitting arrangement for next couple of days, get taxi to train station, train to London (2 hours) hotel in London for night, Eurostar to paris for short break

my worries
The 'secret' element. Parents might not pack a nice outfit (doesnt bother me, but would bother them). They might arrive as just one half of the couple e.g. Dad of FiL might not turn up. Siblings might be a bit peeved.

The actual ceremony. How to get it to feel intimate and special rather than just a few people in a large room mostly tending to or distracted by our 3 year old.

The meal. Want it to feel like a wedding meal rather than just a pub lunch. For instance would be gutted in FiL moaned about the food (likely).

So. What do you think? Are we mad? Does this sound like a workable plan? Got any ideas to make the day feel more special?

PS -wish me congratulations, you're the first to know!

Congrats grin

sounds a good plan, as for nice meal what's ur budget and where are you?

NervyWervy Wed 13-Feb-13 09:48:37

Thanks smile We are Midlandsish, near nice countryside. Am hoping since its only one table we need that it wont be too difficult to get in...don't know about the registrar though -if it's busy, we could always do it n a Thursday...
Budget? To be honest, we haven't really got one. Am thinking about £2000 would cover all of it, including a dress for me, reg fees, meal, eve in hotel etc. haven't really worked that through though but it should be ok if it goes over.
Any ideas of how to improve it?

YouBrokeMySmoulder Wed 13-Feb-13 09:52:53

We did this but didnt even have parents as we couldnt jusitfy them and not siblings. Well we had dhs mum as she was there for the 'babysitting' and a local close friend who did know.

Dhs mum didnt really have a nice dress but we were obly goi g to the registry office up the road.

To make it more intimate we did our own vows in front of the witnesses before the ceremony and then came home and had cake before going to the airport. We got married in the first slot of the day on a friday.

It was amazing and exactly what we wanted.

Noone was put out as we eventually had a big party.

HormonalHousewife Wed 13-Feb-13 10:06:23

Aah I think thats lovely and sounds so romantic smile

many many congratulations !

make sure you have a couple of bottles of fizz in the house when you tell them.

Does the hotel have a smaller room you can use for the ceremony ? I am sure they will be happy to help if you tell them your concerns.

if you think your FIL to be might sneak off then you may have to get your fiance to speak to his parents beforehand too. Delicately.

The remaining Family might be pleased. Dont spend time worrying over problems that might not even exist.

reg fees for ours are £400 and £35 to give notice as not getting married in our home town

im in mids too near nottingham

NervyWervy Wed 13-Feb-13 21:54:34

Ohh, i posted again earlier, but my message isn't here - wierd! Glad to hear this sort of thing has worked out for others. And that's a good point about getting the fizz ready in the house, hadn't thought of that. Think I'd like to tell our guests at least the day before so that they can anticipate it and relax a bit more on the day - just have to hope our mums don't get in a flap and start fussing!
I do hope the day is a memorable one though, I keep wondering if by having a short quiet exchange of vows and a meal, that we aren't making it social enough.
Anyone know of any reminder lists we can use for what to organise etc? Havent looked myself but Im imagining they will be full of '6 months to go -make the wedding favours' which s obviously a bit useless for us grin

byanymeans Thu 14-Feb-13 08:00:14

Congrat!!!!
Just a thought but maybe you could ask your parents to all join you for a long weekend in a cottage rather then at your home. That way you would have space for both sets and could choice one near a small regestry office. We are getting married in devizes on the 1august (a thursday and with 4friends ) the registry office only takes 10 max so we wont look lost.
Just a thought you could then leave dd and grandparents to a weekend in a cottage and have a mini moon.
Plus if spilt the cost of cottage 3ways it shouldnt be to much and you could tell each set of parents it was on offer rather then there all coming. Just an idea?

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