Is it ever acceptable to ask for money as wedding gifts?

(104 Posts)
RockinD Fri 11-May-12 18:56:09

DD proposes to do this and has a twee little poem to send out with the invitations to soften the blow.

I am appalled and we have already had one row about it. Her view is that as she and her DF live together they have everything they need and as they want a honeymoon and can't afford it themselves, it's OK to ask their guests to pay for it.

This makes me deeply uncomfortable. Am I just old fashioned?

D

Ratbagcatbag Thu 24-May-12 17:08:10

I don't like the tacky poems either though to be fair! Some of our friends bought us wine etc, we had no issue with either, and I don't find it rude and vulgar when others ask for money, I get them what they want, sorted!

givemeaclue Thu 07-Jun-12 16:13:15

oooo please tell us the tacky poem!

Kt1991 Sun 17-Jun-12 21:16:15

I think its acceptable to ask for vouchers/money for a wedding, we are in the 21st century now, and I know quite a few people who have asked for money and added the poems to go in the invites explaining.You can get some really good poems too that I have come across, and explain the situation perfectly without sounding rude. When I eventually get married I will do the same, because we live together and have everything we need so why have our guests wasting money on a gift that won't get put to use (if the choose to buy something), when they can put money towards a honeymoon, and see the bride and groom have a good time?

DonkeyTeapot Mon 18-Jun-12 09:40:22

DP's sister got married recently, it was a second marriage for both of them, and they did ask for cash towards their honeymoon. They didn't send a pukesome poem though - in fact I don't think we even got a written invite! It was fairly informal.

I didn't think it was rude or grabby, they both have kids from previous marriages and they both really deserved a lovely holiday, having not had the money for any kind of holiday for some years.

That said, the idea of a wedding list makes me a bit uncomfortable, and I don't plan to have one.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Fri 22-Jun-12 09:55:24

Those of you who object to wedding lists, do you object to giving wedding presents, assuming that you can afford to?

If not, what, precisely, is the problem with being guided towards something that will be used and appreciated, rather than taken to the nearest charity shop before the ink is dry on the thank you letter?

Money's a tricky one. I wouldn't mind being asked, but I suspect it's a generational issue.

DonkeyTeapot Fri 22-Jun-12 23:22:03

On the one hand, if someone else is getting married, I like to be given some kind of clue what would make a good gift for the couple. I want to give a gift and I want it to be something they need / want / like / will use, and I'd be sad if I later found out that the teapot I bought them was one of seven they had received. Then I'd probably think a wedding list was a good idea.

On the other hand, at my wedding I would feel uncomfortable assuming that people will be buying presents and telling them what we'd like as gifts. Seems a bit wrong to me, like telling someone what you'd like for Christmas.

MittzbethSalander Fri 22-Jun-12 23:33:02

I am weirdly on the receiving end of such a poem, requesting Vouchers or a cheque.

I am not sure how I feel, but have no idea how much to give.
A gift is 'valueless' in a way but is £10, 20 the norm?

Showmethemhappyfeet Sat 23-Jun-12 14:52:37

I cant believe the amount of people who would have a massive problem with this. 3 weddings i have been invited to this year, all have asked for cash, 2 with poems, 1 without. 2 last year asked for holiday vouchers.
You don't HAVE to give it. I would find it very hard work to make a gift list tbh. Not only because i don't really need anything DP and i have lived together for 5 years, but what type of price range would you have on there?
Cash/vouchers means people can give nothing, or from £5-£50 depending on what they would usually spend.
I haven't ever had an issue with it, id rather that than them end up with 50 photo frames they are never going to use (and that wouldn't match!)
Maybe it is a generation thing i don't know, all the couples mentioned above have been mid 20s to early 30s...

LurkingAndLearningForNow Sat 23-Jun-12 15:00:02

Ugh, asking for money is just such disgusting behaviour. A gift is a gift is a gift and you should be grateful you got one.

Particularly irks me when people specifically state 'this money is for our holiday, you know we can't afford one..' It just adds extra pressure to give more.

ANTagony Sat 23-Jun-12 15:05:33

We said gifts weren't necessary we wanted people's company however if people did want to bring something a cutting from their garden to start of ours would be gratefully received. It was a genuine please don't feel the need to bring anything as a fairly low key wedding. We got loads of cash and garden centre tokens!

Mama1980 Sat 23-Jun-12 15:06:18

Oh yuck I went to a relatives wedding with a twee poem in the card asking for cash-found it horrible and IMO rude. Gifts are gifts and If you are lucky enough to receive one you should appreciate it and be grateful, not ask for what you want. Nearly everyone at the wedding incidentally felt the same way so I would discourage her strongly.

wimblehorse Mon 09-Jul-12 20:45:35

Jeez, I can't think of anything worse as a guest, than having to call the bride's mother or aunty Mabel to be permitted details of the gift list/voucher/cash preference. As well as rsvp-ing.
Outdated, twee and unneccessary performance.
Include the details in the bumph about accommodation and directions. No poem. No problem asking for cash if that's what you want- soooo much easier for guests apart from outdated judgey idiots

LurkingAndLearningForNow Tue 10-Jul-12 04:15:14

Hardly an idiot for having my own opinion.

Hardly outdated as I'm not twenty yet.

Judgey? You betcha.

Adversecamber Tue 10-Jul-12 05:10:14

Have been asked for money, gifts and also asked not to bring a gift.

The only time someone hacked me off was when they put in a twee poem, I could also say some mean things about her wedding but I will resist.

Adversecamber Tue 10-Jul-12 05:22:59

MittzbethSalander

That is the problem with money and to an extent a gift list, the recipient knows then how much cash or cash worth you have given.For some people who are hard up it is a real burden to be asked for cash, and will give them real angst.

The woman thats evening do I went to and wrote the twee poem I gave 20 quid.

I have been to and am attending 4 over the last two years, so far a nephew got 100 quid, a student of mine got a bottle of wine and some jams and chutneys from the county I grew up in. They had not asked for gifts at all and were overseas students so liked the gesture. The next is the other nephew so will have to be another 100 and I am a bridesmaid next year so don't have a clue what is an acceptable gift.

These days I will only attend relatives and close friends weddings

BrevilleTron Wed 01-Aug-12 14:09:09

DH2b and I are getting married in 10 days (eek) and we haven't done a wedding list (hate them) we put that presence is appreciated but presents aren't required. If anybody WANTS to give us anything we have politely requested Argos vouchers. But the emphasis is on 'come and enjoy the day with us'
We are not expecting anything.

MagicDougal Wed 01-Aug-12 15:27:45

I don't think anything should be couched in terms that suggests they expect a gift and definitely no poems! I think what Ratbag did as perfectly reasonable.

When my boss got married she said there was no need for gifts but if anyone wanted to they could contribute to their honeymoon and set up an account at Trailfinders.

The thing is if you don't say anything at all you end up with a load of stuff you don't need or want which is just wasteful and pointless (and probably leads to another thread along the lines of 'AIBU to ebay my wedding gifts?' which will result in a resounding YABU so they just clutter up your garage and loft for evermore!!)

LCarbury Wed 01-Aug-12 15:28:59

I don't mind if people are skint and ask for money, and I don't mind if people ask for honeymoon vouchers. I am not keen on twee poems though.

BellaOfTheBalls Wed 01-Aug-12 15:34:42

It is more the done thing although every time I get one of the twee poems it makes me want to put pins in my eyes. In every case I have bought a gift, vouchers or currency for wherever they are going on honeymoon in the card.

NatashaBee Wed 01-Aug-12 16:05:45

I really, really, really hate poems. I don't mind being asked for cash as long as it's for something specific - at the end of the day, i just want to give people what they want. Although I prefer to buy presents, because I shop very carefully/use coupons and can get a gift that looks more expensive than it is, if you see what I mean.

clam Wed 01-Aug-12 16:26:51

No, no, NO!! And definitely no poems. Particularly if they have a cringingly awful play on the words presence/presents.

BrevilleTron Thu 02-Aug-12 15:07:40

Clam mine wasn't a poem it was a simple sentence. Plus as DH2b are pedants and well up on our English it's a bit of a giggle at us as we are forever pointing out mistakes, correcting road signs etc.
Pedestrain precinct anyone?

BrevilleTron Thu 02-Aug-12 15:08:08

Fail DH2b and I

stargirl1701 Thu 02-Aug-12 15:11:22

I am always pleased with a wedding gift list - so much easier for both guests and couple.

I don't like requests for money.

tb Sun 05-Aug-12 17:32:13

Think it's ok if the family is Greek, otherwise, no.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now