what do you need for a wedding then?

[threeleftfeet]

DP proposed last night

We want a meaningful, lovely wedding but one which is fairly low key and which doesn't cost the earth! It'll be our family, close friends and their DCs and it'll be a humanist ceremony.

We've got a bit of it covered. We have lots of musicians as friends, I imagine one of them will do the music as our wedding gift. Also MIL makes wedding cakes professionally and has been itching to do one for her DS for years!

We're alternative, hippyish types, and not into a lot of the stuff people spend money at weddings, and not into flashy show of wealth type things, so won't need everything that people manage to spend a fortune on at weddings!

My dress will be lovely (of course!) but not a "wedding" dress from a wedding shop, definitely colourful, not white. Don't think I'll be imposing set outfits for the bridesmaids, will more likely give them a contribution towards getting a dress they like instead, and pay for hairdressing on the day. Outfit for DP and DS. (Are you expected to contribute towards best man's outfit?)

So apart from the rings, a photographer and a lovely venue that can do food and accommodation, what else do we need?

Also any tips on things which made your wedding special which didn't cost the earth would be appreciated.

TIA :)

[CMOTDibbler]

Sounds like you have it all sorted tbh. You don't need anything else.

What made our wedding special was that it was totally the wedding we wanted. My favourite wedding picture is that of a large number of our friends headbanging to Metallica

[Calamityboo]

Ooh, congratulations! I do love a wedding, and yours sounds lovely! You have not mentioned flowers though.

[Calamityboo]

Meant to add, my wedding was special because it was just what I wanted it to be!! It was a lovely happy day and I married my lovely DH!

[threeleftfeet]

CMOTDibbler your wedding sound great

Calamityboo flowers would be lovely, yes.

I like the throwing the bouquet tradition :)

[CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake]

Sounds like a fantastic wedding plan to me. What made my day special was marrying my husband and having our children there and the people closest to us.

Everything else is nice but not essential. Cake made by the mum in law sounds like a good idea.

Many congratulations x

[Butwhatdoyoudoallday]

Being slightly literal, all you need is your future DH, a licence and some witnesses. Everything else is stuff you want.

You sound like you have your head screwed on right, I love your idea re bridesmaids (though you don't have to contribute if they're not wearing hideous matching bridesmaid dresses, it's a lovely idea). You don't need to contribute to the best man's outfit, unless you want his tie to be similar to your DH. Both times my DH has been best man recently he has been given cuff links on the morning of the wedding as a thank you, so he wears them on the day.

The one thing we didn't spend money on, but wish we did, was music in the evening. We did an iPod playlist, which was good in that it was music we liked, but a DJ would be able to play according to your guests' mood and you may end up with more people dancing than we did.

Congratulations to you both, by the way!

[BackforGood]

I was just going to say
a bride
a groom
a licence
a registrar
2 witness

but you've already got all the answer sorted, I'd say.

Re the clothes for the best man, IME, if you are dictating what they wear, you pay, if you are happy for them to turn up in whatever they turn up in, then you don't need to pay.

[paulapantsdown]

aw it sounds really nice, can I come please

congratulations x

[threeleftfeet]

"Being slightly literal, all you need is your future DH, a licence and some witnesses. Everything else is stuff you want."

Yes you're right, of course!

"What made my day special was marrying my husband and having our children there and the people closest to us."

And this too!

[threeleftfeet]

Of course, presents for the bridesmaids / best man. I was given a gift when I was a bridesmaid, it's a nice thing to do isn't it.

[threeleftfeet]

How many bridesmaid is too many btw? Would five be considered excessive?! I have four old female friends, and if I ask one of them I'll have to ask all of them! Also a new friend I'd love to include too.

Am I expected to contribute towards bridesmaid's flights if summoning them and their families from the other side of the planet? (Two have emigrated).

[threeleftfeet]

paulapantsdown, thanks :)

[MadameChinLegs]

We had a simple (in comparison with others around us) wedding.

My dress - Monsoon sale, DHs suit - a nice fitted grey suit that he would wear again
No bridesmaids or pageboys
Asked a good friend to be my witness and DH asked his best friend to be best man. We didnt buy either of them their outfits.
We picked a venue we liked and had a choice menu for 30 close friends and family followed by Hot Beef and Gravy baps for the evening (around 100 guests to the evening)
A friend is a photographer so our photos were out gift from him and another friend makes cakes so that was out gift from her. We paid for buttonholes for all the guests (venue was a pb, so I wanted a way of everyone knowing who was in our wedding as there were people there who didnt know one another so by seeing the buttonhole they knew who our other guests were)
I made a CD of daytime wedding music and bought 'just married' paper chains to decorate
We didnt buy presents for BM/MOH. We didnt buy presents for parents (but did announce our pregnancy on the day so in effect, they found out they were going to be grandparents, which was a brilliant gift).

One thing we did which went down a storm was that I threw the boquet and DH threw my garter and the man and woman who caught them did a dance together

We had a special type of beer we discovered when travelling and asked the venue to supply that as our reception drink, so there are photos of us all in our finery drinking bottled beers.

If you have lots of musician friends, why not do like an 'open mic' slot in the middle of the night time part where they all come up and play a few things? That'd be something to remember.

[BackforGood]

I would have thought any travel costs incurred would not be your responsibility (unless you are some kind of millionaire type person) as you are getting married at home, and it is they who have moved away...perhaps more of a 'responsibility' if you were going abroad for the wedding. You can invite them, but must understand it might not be realistic for them to attend if they are abroad now.

Re numbers, entirely up to you. Personaally, for me, I think 5 adults being bridesmais is a bit OTT (if they can all come) but it sounds like your wedding isn't going to be particularly 'traditional' anyway, so entirely up to you.

[MadameChinLegs]

I dont think you need to fly your BM and her family over...you send the invite and if they cannot come due to finances, and you cannot imagine them not being there then maybe offer to help with the BMs flight?

I dont think 5 BMs is excessive, but that depends on the size of your wedding. A tiny intimate affair would look odd if half the guests are stood at the front with you both.

[MadameChinLegs]

Have you thought about asking female guests to dress to a colour theme? Then all the important women in your life are essentially your BMs?

[threeleftfeet]

"If you have lots of musician friends, why not do like an 'open mic' slot in the middle of the night time part where they all come up and play a few things? That'd be something to remember."

Ooh that's a lovely idea!

As is this also

"did announce our pregnancy on the day so in effect, they found out they were going to be grandparents, which was a brilliant gift"

Not sure if we can oblige on that one though!
Will hopefully have DC2 before then (fingers crossed!)

[threeleftfeet]

"unless you are some kind of millionaire type person"

Sadly not

[threeleftfeet]

"Have you thought about asking female guests to dress to a colour theme? Then all the important women in your life are essentially your BMs?"

A friend of mine did that recently, she asked all the women to dress in red, it was great!

I don't think I'll do that though as I really like the idea of having my best mates as bridesmaids.

[threeleftfeet]

I was maid of honour at one of their weddings, I know she'll be dying to be a bridesmaid at mine. Was the witness at one of the others, and a third legged it and got married in secret in Vegas! (Still very happily married to DH, and with DS now).

[Earthymama]

DP and I are having a Civil Partnership ceremony in June and as there was a 'wedding' supplement in Diva I bought it!! (having resisted all wedding magazines that are totally focused on THE DRESS and all the fol-de-rols.
Anyway, said supplement just replicated all the normal advice there was no challenging the staus quo. And why was that? Because it was all about money, spend, spend, spend!!

I did love the part that said if you are both wearing meringues make sure there is room for you both to walk down the aisle side by side!!

our clothes reflect our personal styles, I am a definate pagan/hippy but didn't want the Goth look (though was tempted by Steam Punk or a replica Edwardian suit ) and we canboth wear them in more everyday situations.

We are having a 'Whitsun Walks, Church Hall' feel to our day , so we have bought lots of tea sets to add to our inherited ones. We were hoping to grow all salads and flowers but weather is SO against us. I am making the Bunting, the sewing machine is at the ready but I'm on here instead!

We were going to cater ourselves but have decided against as we are the interfering sorts who would want to be in control of every detail.

Music is being put together by the family music buff who came for tea yesterday and asked us to theme the various parts of the day. It was great fun and he has pried out our guilty secret music too. Though DP vetoed Barry Manilow

Our neice is singing in the ceremony, she has written a song for us and we will sell the story when she is famous! We have asked her and her siblings to do a short set on the night.

All we hope is that we have our day together with our family friends and they get to see the other parts of our lives. We have been together for yonks but it still feels very exciting and new.

I did laugh when I asked my son how long he and his family would be staying here and he said, You won't want us there on your wedding night'. How DP and I laughed

Sorry OP for hi-jacking, in answer to your question, make it about you and DP and what you like in life. Don't get yourself into debt for one day, there was a recent thread here people said they had spent squillions but could afford it; that's great but not so good if you spend the next X amount of years still paying off all the bills.

I saw your other thread re the dress, you will look stunning, I am sure. Your enthusiasm and joy is lovely, I wish you all the best and lots of fun on your day.

[threeleftfeet]

Earthymama that sounds like it'll be an amazing day :) How lovely that your niece will sing for you. My best friend's mum sang instead of doing a speech and it was wonderful, really touching.

"if you are both wearing meringues make sure there is room for you both to walk down the aisle side by side!!" It's a great image isn't it :)

Shame about Diva just going for the status quo. I was speaking to someone who works in the wedding industry recently, and from what she said that'll probably be because the advertisers demanded it. No money in doing a supplement on steam-punk weddings (fabulous idea btw!) as no steam punk wedding industry (shame!).

I did wonder about doing the catering ourselves, as this is the biggest expense. However I think that'll add too much stress to the preparations. This is the place where a cunning idea will save us a fair bit I think. I want to invite lots of people and I want to feed them good food, but not become bankrupt doing it! For me one important part of weddings is bringing all your friends and family together.

I hope you have an amazing day, I'm sure you will, it sounds wonderful :)

[Earthymama]

Hi there, just to update you, wehave got a friend who has worked in catering to come in and co-ordinate food etc.

We are going to appoint bossy friend to make us stick to the timetable.
I will let you know how it goes!!

Best of luck love EM xx