Family can't be bothered to attend wedding

[mumtorobbie]

I'm getting married in a few weeks and as we didn't want a huge fuss we're having a small civil ceremony in the morning, a lunch and then we're throwing a party in the evening for everyone else. There will be around 14 people at the wedding itself and around 75 in the evening.

Yesterday, my aunt who lives around 200 miles away, said neither they or my cousins would be coming because it's too far for an evening party. I do understand this and although she said she wasn't put out they hadn't been invited to the main wedding, I think she is a tad.

Her attitude has really upset me. It's almost like she can't be bothered to come even though the location of our wedding means there are lots of cheap B&Bs so they can stay over like most of our friends are doing.

In all honesty, I would've preferred to have got married on the quiet but we didn't want to upset our parents so what should be a stress-free occassion is now doing exactly what I didn't want it to - stress me out! Not to mention, costing us an arm and a leg.

I know I'm probably overreacting a bit but I went to all of my cousin's weddings and tbh, I'm a little pissed off.

[oldieneedsreminding]

yabu.
you arent inviting themt o the main wedding yet expect them to turn up 200miles away for a party and pay for b&b and get you a present. personally i would turn up, but then i like weddings. and go 150 miles for a childs birtday party. but most people dont.

[mumtorobbie]

Perhaps I am. I would add though, that we've not asked for any presents or money.

[oldieneedsreminding]

no you havent, but i dont know anyone in real life who would dream of going to a wedding without a present. no matter how small it might be, they will always give one.

[vintageteacups]

She's probably just disappointed not to have been invited to the whole thing (not put out) as it then, would have been worthwhile going.

200 miles is a long way for just an evening do and it sounds as though for her, it's too much. Someone younger/more flush etc perhaps would have done it but for an older person, it's a long way to go for the evening so yes, YABABU.

[raspberrytipple]

As someone said above I expect they are a little disappointed rather than put out. One of my Aunty's isn't coming to ours (which is the same set up as yours but she lives in the same town) as she just doesn't want to be out and about all day even though we would arrange for her to be picked up taken home etc. Older people don't always want to it and 200 miles is a long way to go when it is only an evening party. Don't let it stress you out, your wedding day is your perfect day and to be honest there are only two essential people needed on that day, you and your husband to be, as long as he makes it I wouldn't stress about anyone else. Hope you have a lovely day.

[PaisleyLeaf]

Maybe she gets the feeling that you would've preferred to have got married on the quiet .
No point traveling 200 miles and staying over, paying out, maybe missing work etc etc when you're not really wanted anyway.

[xstitch]

At least they have told you they won't be coming which is more than my family have done :(. They think so much of me they can't be bothered to reply. It would be a long journey for a weekend, is that 200miles each way?

[duffybeatmetoit]

Where you invited to the whole day of your cousins' weddings or just the evening dos? It is a long way to travel for a glorified party (if they are just going to be present for a buffet and disco) and there is still a fair amount of expense involved as there will be travel, accommodation, present and presumably new outfits. DHs cousins didn't come to our evening reception with only 120 miles to travel due to cost even though he'd been to all their weddings. (Admittedly all mine did come and were travelling from much further away but they did see it as a chance for the extended family to get together which doesn't happen too often)

[honeyandsalt]

Hmm? One minute you "don't want a huge fuss" the next you're annoyed that your rellys aren't up for a 400 mile round trip for an evening do only? If you are upset as genuinely like them, say you understand, but it would be mean a lot to see them there would they not reconsider? If it's not genuine sentiment just "but I went to yours" I expect they could counter with "well, you were invited to our whole day".... which is fair enough really. There's nothing wrong with the way you're doing things, but you do need to accept that people may legitamitely refuse the invitation for just the evening if they have a long way to travel. Happens a lot.