asking for money

[littleomar]

We're not having a gift list - been together 14 years and it seems pointless to ask for stuff.

We would, however, really like a holiday overseas with the DCs in lieu of a honeymoon. Is it acceptable for us to ask guests to contribute? (assuming of course they were intending to buy us something - we don't expect anything).

My mum is just getting over the notion that brides do speeches and people don't wear hats. She is going to be scandalised.

[changeforthebetter]

The idea appalls and horrifies a lot of posters. I wouldn't have a problem with it myself as an invitee. Perhaps you could give them some options - cash - vouchers for somewhere you would actually use or a donation to your favourite charity (thereby avoiding the money-grabber label). Of course, some people (not just the elderly, either) will override your wishes an buy you vile cutglass photoframes something more personal. Such is life

[changeforthebetter]

Btw - good for you making a speech. That's the only bit of my wedding day I am proud of.

[scurryfunge]

When you send the invitations out just say something along the lines of " we have everything we need but are saving for a family holiday and would be very grateful for any contributions towards this". hopefully you will end up with cash and not 50 bottles of suntan lotion

[MrsCurly]

What is rude is to ask for anything - cash or gift list.

Send the invites out and if you are asked what you would like, then I think it is fair to ask for contributions to your holiday.

[pinkhebe]

I agree with mrsc. my mum and mil had the details of the wedding list in case anyone asked.

[PaisleyLeaf]

No, not with the invitations. As you say "pointless to ask for stuff" - so don't.
There might be guests who will insist on getting you something you want, ask those ones for money.
Equally, there might be guests who get you a little gift they've thought of for themselves.

[CarolSinger]

Go on a site like confetti and you'll have loads of huns telling you that its perfectly ok to ask for cash and furnishing you with crappy poems with which to put across your request.

Whereas the general conscensus within the nest of vipers seems to be - you want a flash holiday then pay for it yourself by scaling down your wedding.

Personally it doesn't worry me - although it does mean I have to get tight arse DH to fork out more than he normally would so as not to look mean

[nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight]

I personally would not mention it in the invitation at all.

People who want to get you something will ask (either you or your parents), and if they don't ask, they'll probably give cash or cheque anyway.

[orestyemerrywombat]

There are travel companies who offer a 'honeymoon gift list' - people contact them to make a contribution towards or pay for a specific aspect of the trip - had you thought about doing that?

[PuppyMonkey]

You could include a cut out coupon with the invitation .

I do think you need to explain to the guests. If you just say nothing, they may simply buy you a gift of their choice as per tradition. They might not bother to ring to enquire what you want.

[orestyemerrywombat]

I agree that it's technically rude to ask for gifts, just like it's non-u to include a huge list of instructions to guests for the day. HOWEVER, I would never go to a wedding without buying a gift for the happy couple (that too, in my opinion, would be rude). I'm a busy person, and the wedding invites I've had that have come without instructions or gift list details have just been extra hassle - emailing/calling back and forth to whoever might have the details (in most cases I wouldn't know the parents of my friends so I'd most likely be adding to the pre-wedding to-do list of the couple themselves - their choice obviously, but a consideration when deciding whether to include details yourself). I would MUCH rather they made my life easier and just gave me the details to enable me easily to do what I'm going to do anyway.

Just my opinion, other obviously feel differently, but I thought I'd let you know that there are some people who hold the opposite view.

[ISNT]

I feel the same as wombat.

We had one recently asking for contribution towards honeymoon with gift list at trailfinders. Was a bit but TBH who cares really I'm always going to get a present, might as well get something they want.

Had the first ever invitation recently without a list - actually it is annoying. We bought them something random (hope they liked it) but when we got there no-one else seemed to have brought anything for them. Was really confusing. I like to know what's going on

Just ask, honestly I can't imagine that anyone you like well enough to invite to your big day is going to take serious unbrage about it

[Sarsaparilllla]

I don't see why people get to het up about people having a wedding list or asking for money/vouchers - you don't have to buy them anything, and if you do, it's a hell of a lot easier to pick something out from a list or give cash if that's what they want.

I've had plenty of invitations that come through with a note to say no presents but money if you'd like to give us something - fine by me.

[littleomar]

thanks everyone. what a minefield.

never crossed my mind that it might be rude (or god forbid non-U) to ask for stuff. i can safely say i have NEVER received a wedding invite without details of the gift list (even if most - MOST - of them said "you don't have to get us anything but if you want to..."). and i don't want 20 le creuset cocottes (nasty heavy things) from all the couples we've bought le creuset cocottes for over the years.

it's not going to be the sort of holiday where we suggest people might like to buy us a helicopter ride/couples massage/wedding cottage suspended above crystal clear blue sea. it's going to be a car ferry to spain and two weeks' self catering in galicia so it would have to be cash/cheque. my parents have got nothing to do with the arrangements.

clearly i need to consider further. DP is on hholiday from tomorrow so maybe i can actually get some sense out of him on the subject.

[ISNT]

Oh just remembered my SIL just put her bank details in the invitation and asked people to pay cash in. Everyone was pretty horrified at that one. So don't do that!

Can you pretend you're greek? Or another religion where cash gifts are the done thing?

[nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight]

If you're given 20 Le cresuet cocottes, I'll be first in the queue to take one off your hands!


(don't know what one is, but it sounds posh)

[Thelastnameleft]

Ive been invited to a wedding where the couple have asked for a cash donation for their honeymoon.. my question is how much do I donate?

[raspberrytipple]

www.bridesofaustralia.com/Wishing_Well_Wording_Poem.html

What about something like the poems on the list above? Someone suggested it to me or any of the below:

An Ode to the Gift List

In a wedding invitation,
You usually find some lists,
For venues, menus and hotels,
And also for the gifts

But this one is unusual,
It comes in a different way,
As we're not asking for presents,
But for something else today

Now please don't think we're selfish,
Or that this comes from greed,
But we've lived together for a while,
So there's not that much we need

We would appreciate help though,
To send us on our way,
And allow us to have our honeymoon,
In a land quite far away

So now the point of all this rhyme,
The thing that we would like,
Isn't towels, toasters or microwaves,
But pounds and pence alike

And now you know the reason,
Behind this cheeky accord,
Please help to give us memories,
Of a dream honeymoon abroad

-------------

For a couple of years we?ve lived in sin,
we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,
saucepans and towels we have many,
corkscrews and flannels we don?t need any,
we just want you with us to celebrate our day,
but if you insist on a gift anyway,
What we?d really like is a gift of money,
we hope you don?t think we?re being funny!
We?ll put it all together and buy something that?s best,
as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests
----------


We know it's not traditional
It's not the way it's done
But instead of a wedding list
We'd like a bit of sun.

Please do not think of us as rude
Please do not take offence
We do not want to upset you
That's not the way it's meant.

We've lived together quite a while
And all the bills are paid
We've got our plates, our pots and pans
Our plans have all been made.

So if you'd like to give a gift
To help us celebrate
Some money for a honeymoon
We would appreciate

------------

WE HAVEN'T GOT A WEDDING LIST
THE REASONS WE'LL EXPLAIN
IT'S TO SAVE YOU ALL THE HASSLE
AS SHOPPING IS A PAIN

WE THOUGHT WE'D ASK YOU ALL
FOR SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD
A SMALL CONTRIBUTION
FOR US TO TAKE A HOLIDAY IN THE MED

SO IF YOU'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE
TOWARDS OUR HONEYMOON
WE OFFER YOU OUR HEART FELT THANKS
WITH LOVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM

-------------


We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest

[raspberrytipple]

Sorry - not sure why two poems are struck out!!! Let me know if they are too difficult to read and I will re-post!

[TrillianAstra]

Dear God, no poems, please no poems!

[raspberrytipple]

Haha, how can you not love the poems there proper poems to - they all rhyme an everything!! :)

[littleomar]

even the shortest of those poems is longer than our whole invite.

[raspberrytipple]

Well, I did wonder when it was suggested to
me' about using one whether it should be part of the invite or printed separately. I can't really see the point personally. If someone asks just say politely that you have everything so not to worry or some spending money for hols would be lovely. If they love you enough to come to your wedding they will understand x

[spiralqueen]

Raspberry step away from the poems before we have you locked up for inciting brides to make their guests nauseous.

Littleomar sadly you will always upset someone - don't think it is possible to get through a wedding without some sort of upset. Guests fall into a number of categories:

those that just want to get you what you want regardless of what they might personally think of your choice
those that want some choice in what to get you - so a range of options is a good idea
those that hate to give vouchers or money so it is obvious what they have spent
those that will buy you something of their choice what they know you would like
those that will ignore what you have asked for and buy the Le Creuset/photoframe etc they always buy for wedding presents
those that have bought what your MIL told them to get for you without actually checking that it was wanted (that just may be some of my guests though )

You can ask for whatever you like but be prepared for guests doing their own thing.