A bit shocked.... AIBU

(47 Posts)
PastaDee Tue 01-Jan-13 21:50:05

I went to a friend's for lunch today. I took my 13mo DD a cream cheese sandwich (as i wasn't sure what they were cooking) and when I saw my friend's 10mo eyeing it up I said 'she can have some if she likes' and was promptly told there is no way the little girl could eat it as she would choke. This led to a discussion about what she does eat and I was told that at 10mo this little girl has only ever had vegetable purées with formula milk mixed in. Apparently they mixed some fish in once and she didn't like it.

I was quite shocked by this. I did BLW with DD and I'm lucky she is a good eater for the most part. Within my group of friends those who did purées introduced finger foods fairly early and all their children were eating protein and dairy long before 10mo.

I know it's none of my business and it's her DD so her choice but it can't be right to just have veg purée at this age can it?

It's what some people do - but not even a soft sandwich is odd.

She'd be horrified by my 8 month LO having a chunk of roasted lamb to chew on during Christmas dinner!!

lurcherlover Tue 01-Jan-13 22:07:21

One of my friends puréed everything for her babies until they turned one. I lent her the BLW book but even after reading it she didn't believe they wouldn't choke.

Now she wonders why they're fussy eaters...

PastaDee Tue 01-Jan-13 22:07:46

I don't think she likes mess.... I'm not sure what she would have made of DD picking up the empty bowl of homemade chicken korma tonight and licking it out.... She was so stained she looked like she'd had a Fake Bake tan.

I've just never heard of this. I enjoyed BLW. I know it's not for everyone but I just always thought a few finger foods and some puréed casserole and yoghurts was normal even for the most traditional methods of weaning.

Feelingood Tue 01-Jan-13 22:08:56

I did mixed feeding still am at nrly 11months.

She is storing up trouble, it can have knock on effects.

1) they need to learn to chew to eat a mixed diet properly
2) they need to learn to chew to develop facial muscles that help speech sounds
3) they need to learn to self feed, as will b expects to at nursery or school

what a rod for her own back.
I met a women whose 2.5 yr old would only eat fruit pouches, madness.
My dd had chilli lastnight with chunks of steak and kidney beans whole
Tonight she's had sausage n veg casserole sticks of mango.

Some people are scared to parent, scar to upset pbfitissess.

mrscog Tue 01-Jan-13 22:14:32

I did 'traditional' weaning but didn't start until 6 months and started DS on soft lumps & finger foods straight away as I assumed by waiting you could miss out the boring veg/fruit puree stage! DS so far seems to be a great eater - I'm just waiting for him to learn how to be wilful!

yellowsubmarine53 Tue 01-Jan-13 22:16:42

I was a hard core BLWer in the days when it wasn't as popular and tbh I soon learned that lots of people just don't want to know about it. A few friends kept their babies on purees for what seemed to me bloody ages, but they had genuine and deep rooted anxieties about choking.

Milk is the main food until they're one, although learning to chew is important for language development etc as well as for the reasons feelingood states. I'm sure that your friend will introduce finger foods when she is ready.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Tue 01-Jan-13 22:22:09

I did BLW and had a fab eater with a healthy broad diet when he was 13 months
friends did sweetened purees and pouches and I felt smug about how much better nurished and developed mine was

fast forward to terrible twos and mine is just as fussy as theirs and I'm pleased if he finishes a plate of chips! He's a skinny things and I top up with kiddy vitamins!

They all regress back to square one when they start the whole power struggle phase with you so you haven't got it "sorted" just because your 13 MO is eating well now, wait and see wink.. then judge!

notengodinero Tue 01-Jan-13 22:23:40

I've lost count how many times I've had the discussion with other mums about the gag reflex, how babies really do have the ability to manage lumpy food and chew even without teeth. Even those who choose the puree route need to let go at some point.

This is one of the reasons I detest Annabel Karmel as much as I do, after hearing her on Woman's Hour a couple of years ago talking about how BLW and it's risk of causing choking. Stupid stupid woman angry

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Tue 01-Jan-13 22:27:43

oh and mine was one of the last to talk, the puree ones were chatting away well before him.. <shrugs>

I'm sure the friend's kids'll be fine, and not still eating purees when they're off to school

PastaDee Tue 01-Jan-13 22:33:58

I know what you mean ilovesalad. I think I'm shocked at how judgy I feel as much as anything else.

I've never been that interested before. Loads of my friends purée but I just couldn't get my head around a 10mo never having tasted anything but vegetables and milk.

You're right of course, it can't go on forever.

itsmineitsmine Tue 01-Jan-13 22:36:50

Her baby will be fine. Its nothing tobe shocked about.

Btw - my blw (blurgh! Such a smug term!) 2 year old is way fussier than her puree and finger fed sister

itsmineitsmine Tue 01-Jan-13 22:37:34

You should be shocked at how judgy you feel.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Tue 01-Jan-13 22:37:54

"I think I'm shocked at how judgy I feel as much as anything else."

I understand smile, how you feed, put to sleep, discipline (or not), transport your child, and even how you cover thier bums, seem REALLY important in the early days, and you get drawn into the bollocks about how vital x,y or z is to their emotional and physical development.

By preschool they throw it all back in your face grin and you will not be able to pick out which ones were BLW or puree fed by watching them at the lunch table at preschool, or which were CCed or co-slept etc

itsmineitsmine Tue 01-Jan-13 22:40:07

Snorting with laughter here at you feelinggood with your 11mo and knowing how others are storing up trouble for the future!

Mine would eat all sorts at 11mo, not so at 2!!

nicefleece Tue 01-Jan-13 22:41:05

Thank the lord you don't feel the need to puree everything! Don't worry they'll relax too.....

OscarPistoriusBitontheside Tue 01-Jan-13 23:14:47

Let me tell you here and now when they can exercise choice that's when all your judginess re:food disappears.

Both my ds' were great at eating as babies. As toddlers both were/are bloody nightmares. Ds2 would survive in mince pies if he had the choice right now. That's purely mince pies btw. grin

DrRanj Tue 01-Jan-13 23:21:26

Not - well this is because annabel karmel has made a living out of selling recipes for dishes specially prepared baby meals and blenders - no money to be made in just giving them whatever you're eating!

Op - I did blw, but tbh don't really take much notice off how other people choose to feed their children.

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 00:12:09

itsmine my ds (6) did the same eats well n fine now.

I'm genuinely sorry but I just don't get the fussy eater thing. If they don't eat it they don't eat it, or get anything else or get a snack half hour later of fruit or whatever.

I cook one evening meal and do not cowe down to requests for jam sandwiches or whatever.

They both sleep 7 to 7 too, well dc's 8 to 7. But mine are fussy in other ways, especially little DD, she's a squealer.

itsmineitsmine Wed 02-Jan-13 00:14:57

You should know better than smuggy 'my 11mo eats x, y and z whkle friends 2 yr old is fussy' posts then feelinggood.

itsmineitsmine Wed 02-Jan-13 00:18:20

My fussy eater gets fed the same as the rest of us, btw. So no need for you to be 'genunely sorry' about anything, btw (what on earth did you mean by that???)

harverina Wed 02-Jan-13 00:24:28

No, your not unreasonable, its just how some people do it. I had a real fear of my DD choking but was really keen to try some elements of BLW. We started at 6 months on a mix of finger food and mashed and allowed my DD to eat all food groups (except nuts and other food that she is allergic to). My DD is a great eater, but I know that this can change at any time. I suppose at 10months old its probably not that big a deal, but if your friend is still feeding her baby this in a few months time then it could be worrying!

princessnumber2 Wed 02-Jan-13 00:25:42

I don't get why people are so dismissive about choking. I know someone whose 10 month old died from choking on a small bit of chick pea in home made houmous. I have lots of friends who did blw and loved it but when people say it leads to less fussy eating etc I'm a bit hmm. My 6 year old ate purées only for almost 18 months because of a medical condition and by 2 years had a totally normal and very healthy diet. There are so many factors involved in kids and eating. I'm not sure that just because your baby eats steak when it's 9 months, that it'll have a better diet at 5 or 10. Or equally if you spoon feed porridge that you'll rear a tubster.

I'm basically a bit meh and get more and more meh as my kids get older.

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 00:28:18

itsmine I was agreeing with op, re kids that age should be moved onto stage 2/3 foods if not following BLW, sorry it offends you that I used my own child as a point of reference.

I'll be as bloody smug as like thank you, feed my children v well, YOU seem to have a few ishoos though.

It means just that I don't be the fussy eater thing as I havnt experienced it with either of my children so far. Like I said they are fussy in other ways.

Jeez, you can put you weaning spoon down.....

harverina Wed 02-Jan-13 00:30:55

I think that people are dismissive about choking as it is probably quite rare for a baby to choke? I was terrified of it and hearing my DD gag made me panic, even though i was assured so many times that it was normal!

Not sure why children who have been weaned using blw will be less fussy, but think that the idea is that they will regulate their own diet by eating what they want in front of them until they are full instead of their parents shovelling in all the puree until its finished.

Pancakeflipper Wed 02-Jan-13 00:31:33

My DS2 now 4, used to choke all the time. He also ate veg puree mush most of the time. You'd have had a whale of a time judging us at our dining table and wearing vomit splattered clothing if you'd have handed that cream cracker at him...

Actually we avoid people at eating times as it was such an off putting sight.

Turns out to be a reflux issue ( he still voms if he drinks or eats too quickly) and he has a food intolerance that we didn't suss out until he was nearly 2.

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 00:35:07

I think thats right hervina I was worried about dd at one point as she seemed to be eating so much, her weight gain turned out to be fine. I do think you have to be careful for looking for cues when a spoon fed baby is full.

I'm not convinced about BLW tbh. But I won't get to try it again DD. is the last one for me. sad

harverina Wed 02-Jan-13 00:38:19

I lime the idea of blw but didnt have the confidence to do it the whole time - plus we were shattered and hoped that a little solid food would make my DD sleep for longer so we spoon fed some of the time.

Everyone does it their own way. Its rarely a question of right v wrong (though sometimes it is!) Most people take out bits and peices from the different advice they get and adapt it to suit them and theit situation. As long as their DC's are healthy, gaining weight and getting a balanced diet then it really doesnt matter smile

princessnumber2 Wed 02-Jan-13 00:40:58

I too have had vommers who gagged a lot and brought up the whole meal.

It's a bit of a myth that purées lead to 'shovelling'. You can still follow your baby's cues even if you offer food on a spoon.

Choking is rare but I know lots of people who happily do blw without any emergency first aid training at all.

When the consequences are so extreme, it's not that irrational to take precautions against rare events. I'm not that likely to get assaulted but I'd generally get a cab home rather than walk through a dodgy area at 2am.

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 00:41:04

pancake my ds while he does not have reflux he does have a sensitive gag reflex, it's noted on his school record for lunch staff as there was a gagging incident last year. I'm glad I didn't do BLW with him back then, think he would have been a nightmare.

DD has gagged quite few times but she just clears it, but when she makes a little gag sound followed by nothing, as she has done twice, I have had to pat her back firm and sharp, it was apple so I don't give her this now till she has some more teeth.

I think you just watch and get to know your own child.

Pancakeflipper Wed 02-Jan-13 00:51:02

I think you are right Feelingood, I had to learn to take my cue from DS2 on what and how to feed him. And I felt like a failure at first because I had got it so wrong and was trying for months to wean him a particular way. Certainly the opposite to his older brother.

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 00:57:11

Yes two very different children here, DD will only let me spoon feed her until she's satisfied her initial hunger , it seems, then mews and cries until she gets the spoon, shouty cries and lots of fuss if she is not allowed to.

It's taking forever to help but not help to spoon feed her at the moment. She had mango and crackers for a snack this PM while I prepared dinner, it really handy she can feed herself finger foods. Readybrek (standard school morning breakfast) should be interesting next week!

I'm going to let her practise with some mash next week when it's just me and her in kitchen, I might even do some ironing!

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Wed 02-Jan-13 01:03:07

I think the fanatical BLW brigade are all barking personally!

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 01:19:26

I had not heards of it tbh til MW sat on this very sofa and told me about it when DD was a few weeks.

I never rad this much this time round, just stats to do with births and types of births.

TheNewStatesman Wed 02-Jan-13 11:08:44

I don't know why this discussion has turned into a "BLW vs traditional weaning" argument (yet again).

Traditional weaning doesn't mean you puree and spoonfeed everything for months on end. It means you do pureed foods, mashed foods AND finger foods, and a 10mo would definitely be expected to be basically on finger foods and roughly mashed foods. Maybe you do purees-only right at the start, but not at 10mo.

That said, a few babies have medical issues which can lead to swallowing difficulties so they need a liquidized diet until a later age, otherwise they will eat no solid food at all. So I would be wary of judging unless I knew the whole story.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Wed 02-Jan-13 11:10:59

"Traditional weaning doesn't mean you puree and spoonfeed everything for months on end. It means you do pureed foods, mashed foods AND finger foods"

no actually BLW IS the traditional way, pureeing is relatively new, and BLW is just a new name for going back to the old way!

Panzee Wed 02-Jan-13 11:13:29

I used to be all smug about my son eating all different types of food when we were weaning.
At 3 he eats a very small range of food. Cheese sandwiches and pasta. And not much chance of getting veg past his lips. So much for my smuggery! grin

Feelingood Wed 02-Jan-13 11:51:52

I'll enjoy my smuggery for now then!

It's a bit of a myth that purées lead to 'shovelling'. You can still follow your baby's cues even if you offer food on a spoon.

^^this. Have you ever tried to force feed a baby food from a spoon? Can't be done with my LO. If he's had enough, he turns his head away, clamps his little mouth shut, might push the spoon away. And cries.

I didn't think BLW was the 'traditional' way - isn't there some evidence to suggest that we used to chew food up for our babies when we were cavemen? Or something like that?

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Wed 02-Jan-13 13:30:24

I don't know about cavemen hmm, I meant when we were babies! most of our mothers/grandmothers did BLW, it just wasn't called baby led weaning, it was just called giving the baby a bit of your food.

usualsuspect3 Wed 02-Jan-13 13:35:11

Who cares really, OP you sound a bit smug.

usualsuspect3 Wed 02-Jan-13 13:36:05

BLW was called finger food back in the olden days.

We didn't give it a fancy name so we could beat other mothers up over their choices.

itsmineitsmine Wed 02-Jan-13 14:52:44

"I'll be as bloody smug as like thank you, feed my children v well, YOU seem to have a few ishoos though."

Lol! Nope, precisely no issues. I've never been one to get worked up about what kids do or don't eat, or to crow about what they do eat (I tend to stay away from people who crow about things like that IRL as it's usually a sign that they're terminally dull).

RyleDup Wed 02-Jan-13 15:01:19

Oh dear, blw versus spoon feeding. Well Dc1 had purees up to a year old, and ds did blw (hate that term). Both kids eat just fine now and all by themselves too grin
I think you are being judgey op, theres nothing wrong with either method. People should do whatever they feel most comfortable with.

PastaDee Wed 02-Jan-13 15:10:01

I know I am being judgy but it really isn't the puréeing that shocked me.... That seems a perfectly logical way to wean a baby. It was the fact that at 10 months the baby had never had anything other than vegetables and formula.

At 10 months I thought all babies had moved onto lumps, mashed food, pureed meat, porridge, yoghurts, a bit of toast etc regardless of how their parents chose to wean them. I accept I shouldn't have mentioned my own choices as they aren't that relevant.

I'd just never come across this before even amongst people who were very cautious about choking as at some point the diet needs to move beyond veg.

Think I need to reexamine my previous claim that other people's weaning choices are personal and try not to get too comfy in my new pants wink

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Wed 02-Jan-13 15:19:54

they will move on smile, and it all evens out and they all wanna live on fish fingers and chocolate soon grin

there are 10 month olds that still haven't developed much interest in food despite being offered a lot of variety either with BLW or puree and still prefer milk at that stage.. and they catch up too

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