Does anyone else regret BLW with a previous child?

(42 Posts)
howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:10:51

I am not sure if it is just me as I have read through a lot of the posts on here and everyone seems to get on well with BLW, is there anyone that has done this with an older child and regreted it?

I did BLW with my now 3 year old and am now pregnant with number 2 and I am going to go down the traditional puree route this time. I offered my first child finger food from 6 months, she did not know what to do with it and it took her until 7 months to eat anything. Even then it was a couple of bits of cucumber and brocoli. Nothing else would pass her lips until about 11 months old, when she would then eat some pasta, peas and grated cheese, porridge and yoghurt. I stopped breast feeding at 1 year and switched to cows milk, I wished I had used a follow on formula as by about 18 months my DD would hardly eat anything. Just cucumber and porridge. She is now 3 and will no longer drink milk. She will not try new foods. For example yesterday she ate 1 slice of toast all day, and today she has eaten half a bread stick. She will not eat any fruit at all. I think if I had introduced her to lots of different tastes in purees she would have done better. My DD is not underweight so doctors are not worried, they said children can survive on very little.

Has anyone else had this experience?

FlojoHoHoHo Fri 28-Dec-12 21:13:25

No experience sorry. But I went down the traditional route of baby rice and puree veg (7&4yo) and they will eat anything.

howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:22:35

Thanks for the reply FlojoHoHoHo Most of my friends went down the traditional route and all of their children eat well, the only friend who did BLW now has a 2 year old that will only eat the organix carrot sticks (or as I call them fake wotsits).

howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:26:15

I have been doing some research today on weaning and most cultures seem to start off with some kind of traditional rice or porridge and mashed soft fruit, and traditionally food was pre chewed by a care giver to start the digestion process of the food and to make it easier for the baby to eat. So I guess that is where the idea of purees come from. I just feel a bit angry that I followed the new BLW idea of only allowing self feeding that was promoted by the HV at the time my DD was weaning as my DD was unable to eat many foods and now will not try them. This may not be because I did BLW with her as I see people on here have had good results with babies maybe she would of just hardly eaten any way even if I had done purees to start off with, I'm just wondering if there are any others that did BLW with their previous children and now they are older they do not seem to eat much at all?

OnlyWantsOne Fri 28-Dec-12 21:33:59

I kinda spoon fed stuff & gave bits for them to hold (2 weaned ones are now 2 & 6)

With this baby I will prob do the same - porridge type stuffs for breakfast -
Lots of mashed foods too not so much purée. But to be fair i didn't bother starting to wean either til they were over 7 months & they both just ate what ever I gave them (apart from peas, neither will eat peas)

ninjasquirrel Fri 28-Dec-12 21:35:10

Does your DD go to childcare? My DS is quite fussy at home but will eat anything at nursery. He was BLW, but not strictly - after I started with that I tried to introduce purées as well but he wasn't keen on being spoonfed either. I think I would go traditional route with a second. I suppose there are children who tend to be fussy however they're weaned.

JingleJohnsJulie Fri 28-Dec-12 21:43:13

Really don't think your DDs eating has anything to do with the way she was weaned and feeding purees does not guarantee a superb eater. In fact I've weaned 2, one with purees and one who was a spoon refusing blw by her choice. Both went through a really fussy stage at age 3.

As for regretting the follow on milk, please dont. The NHS don't recommend follow on at all, its just first milk for non bfers till 12 months and hen full fat cows milk till 2 years. As far as I can make out there is no minimum recommendation for milk at 3.

Also, why would blw not introduce her to the same variety of flavours as purees?

There is a book by Carlos Gonzalez call My Child Won't Eat. I think you might find it useful.

Congratulations on your pg too smile

howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:46:05

ninjasquirrel DD has started pre-school now, she will only eat the snack they provide there if it is spagetti hoops (which is only once per week). I have never bought spagetti hoops at home before but have bought some after she ate them at pre-school but she would not eat them at home. She will drink the milk they give her at pre-school, but will not drink this at home, she will only drink diluted fresh apple juice.

She hardly seems to eat anything. This week on Monday she ate 5 cubes of cheese all day, on Tuesday 1 mini sausage in bacon at a family christmas dinner, on Wednesday she ate 2 slices of toast, Thursday 1 slice of toast, and today half a bread stick. With just diluted apple juice or water to drink which I limit to 1 litre a day on doctors advice so she does not fill up on too much liquid.

I'm not sure how the type of weaning is a factor here either. You should offer a variety of foods as part of blw, often a bigger range more quickly. Blw will also expose them to textures sooner too, and many say a blw child is less fussy - although I don't know if there is research to back that up.

I did BLW with my first, it was great! By 7 months she was eating (very small)!roast dinners! She's now 3.5 and eats almost anything.

In contrast my second had overactive gag and tongue thrust reflexes and was unable to have anything except BM until 8 months old; then he would only have purées. He's just turned one and barely eats at all.

Tbh I think it's down to the individual child rather than the method of weaning - certainly there is no pattern amongst any of the children I know.

howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:53:21

Thanks JingleJohnsJulie I will have a look for that book now online.

That is good to hear that follow on milk is not recommended.

I think she did not experience a wide range of tastes because she just never picked up meat or fish or fruit off her plate, only certain veg and carbs, then later she fed herself a couple of spoons of porridge and yoghurt a day, but now she just does not like anything anymore. Hopefully it is just a fussy stage, I just feel like I have failed her.

howtobehappy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:56:31

Thanks just read the other replies and maybe you guys are right, she is just fussy and however I would have weaned her she would still be like this.

JingleJohnsJulie Fri 28-Dec-12 21:57:15

You've not failed hr at all. Like I say, I done it both ways and both were just as fussy at 3.

I think 3 is just a naturally fussy age, they are asserting independence. It's how you deal with it that counts and there is still plenty of time to turn her around smile

JingleJohnsJulie Fri 28-Dec-12 21:58:18

Just seen your last post. Yes, so stop beating yourself up! grin

PickledInAPearTree Fri 28-Dec-12 22:00:41

I really don't think it's anything to do with how you weaned op. don't beat yourself up.

Ds is terrible with food at times and it is horrible but not your fault!

exoticfruits Fri 28-Dec-12 22:02:06

Just do what suits you- the aim is to eat with the family- how you get there is unimportant.

gybegirl Fri 28-Dec-12 22:02:21

I did BLW with both of mine. One is fussy, one isn't.

BertieBotts Fri 28-Dec-12 22:02:29

DS was BLW and barely ate until 22 months, but I don't think that was anything to do with how he was weaned. I would do BLW again, definitely.

exoticfruits Fri 28-Dec-12 22:03:31

Whether they are fussy eaters, or not, has absolutely nothing to do with it either.

Piemistress Fri 28-Dec-12 22:10:55

I did BLW with DS (now 3yrs) and am doing more traditional weaning with DD. Not sure why really, think I need a bit more structure (if that makes sense) having a toddler to look after too, plus I don't have the spare time to sit while she eats if I did BLW with her. Although i'm doing purees mainly (3rd week of weaning) I am offering her fingers of toast etc.

I think it's more of an age thing rather than how she was weaned though. My DS only eats satsumas, no other fruit. He has his fussy and non fussy days, it's trying not to let it get to me which is hard!

confuddledDOTcom Fri 28-Dec-12 22:22:26

My youngest two (um... not counting the week old baby, but you know what I mean) weren't ready for solids at 6 months. The first of them was like a baby in every way at that age, if you picked her up she pulled her limbs in like a newborn, she couldn't sit up, she started solids at 10 months old (offered earlier just not interested) but she wasn't properly eating for another year, far preferring the boob. The younger one was about 7 months then started solids like she'd always been eating.

I remember saying something to my husband when the elder of the two was about 7 months about her not eating and he said "Well she's just not ready, is she?" it was bit of a "duuh!" statement from him! I don't think he's ever been so pro something in a comment as much as he was then.

Genuinely if your child isn't ready at 6 months, there's nothing wrong with that. Remember the mantra "food's for fun until they're one" and it doesn't mean that from their first birthday they need to eat proper meals either!

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 28-Dec-12 22:28:11

With dd I followed annabel whatever her last name is and dd got puréed sweet potatoe and orange in ice cube trays and all that malarkey, she wa a fussy eater and would gag over anything that wasn't bread or potatoe or sweet corn or green and blacks white chocolate (my grandparents) from 1 to 5, now at 7 she eats almost fine. She still won't sit next to someone eating a banana though.

With ds I didn't do baby led weaning as such but I didn't bother puréeing food, I chopped it and mashed it and let him get on with it. He ate everything he could pick up and he still eats amazingly good now at 5.

Think it's down to personality tbh.

FushiaFernica Fri 28-Dec-12 22:35:55

Just read this thread as it was in active and I thought what on earth is BLW? Did a search- Baby Led Weaning. My dd was born in 2004 so I can't believe how out of date I am already. I did buy the Annabel Karmel book at the time and tried to puree bits and pieces until succumbing to baby food jars as my dd wouldn't eat any of lovinglypureed stuff.

My 8 year old dd does eat a wide variety of food despite my shortcomings. Must admit that BLW does sound a bit 'trying to be perfect' style motherhood.

Iggly Fri 28-Dec-12 22:39:44

How do you know it was the BLW? She refuses milk, slow to solids... Am wondering if there are food intolerances there or reflux type issues.

I don't see BLW as a philosophy - its just letting baby self feed. I have two dc and with my second I let her self feed mushed up food then worked to finger foods. It wasn't strictly finger foods. She had mashed potato as her first taste - just grabbed it and licked it in.

GalaxyDisaStar Fri 28-Dec-12 22:44:30

I did BLW with both of mine. However, I think you need to (in the nicest possible way) relax and be a bit kinder on yourself. BLW won't magically give you a non fussy eater. Nor will purees. They are just different ways of weaning. Offer lots of options, do not pass on anxiety (not sure I would eat a carrot if someone was hovering over me saying 'you like that don't you' every 10 seconds) and you get what you get.

Enjoy your new baby smile

Iwillorderthefood Fri 28-Dec-12 22:46:26

Did annabell kamel with DD1 she is really fussy, did BLW withDD2 and she has a much more varied diet than DD1.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Fri 28-Dec-12 22:49:12

I have a fussy eater who was blw, now aged three and my husband blames blw for his poor eating habits. I must admit my 18mo is mainly spoonfed with accompanying finger food as a result and does seem to eat much better but obviously could just be down to them being very different children.

mamaCam Sat 29-Dec-12 00:27:37

my HV suggested offering purees as well as encouraging self feeding. that way you can get them used to the tastes, get food down them and allow some autonomy. then when she is ready to feed herself she'll already recognise the taste

I mash DDs food with a spoon so its more lumpy and try to offer the same things in finger food form. I've found that she actually enjoys being fed whether from a spoon or with fingers and generally anything that's NOT food if what she will try and put in her mouth.

LeBFG Sat 29-Dec-12 08:43:55

BLW wasn't the great success I'd hoped it would be. It wasn't less work either, it was more and more angst-ridden. So with the next, I'll expect I'll just go easy and give purees. By DSis had great success with her two boys, although I note they have an obsession with humous and toast!

There was a BLW vs ordinary weaning paper published a while back and they found no difference with fussiness between the groups.

Oh, and OP, my bfed DS refuses all milk and dairy products except yoghurt. The neighbour said I should have introduced a bottle before 12 months so perhaps this was my fault - I don't think it was, I just think some toddlers are fussier than others. Unfortunately hmm.

JingleJohnsJulie Sat 29-Dec-12 09:13:18

leBFG refusing cows milk when you are bfing is perfectly normal. Like I say, I've weaned one on purees and one BLW and both refused cows milk as a drink until I had stopped bfing. And why should they drink cows milk when there is something especially designed for them, really scrummy and comes with Mummy cuddles? smile

howtohere's the book I mentioned. Think the kindle version is £4.99. HTH

AngelsWithSilverWings Sat 29-Dec-12 09:45:15

I adopted my two DCs when they were 10 months old. DS was weaned in the traditional way by his foster carer. She used jars mainly but I gradually got him used to home made food ( Anabel Karmel recipes. ) . He eats or at least tries absolutely anything you put in front of him.

My DD on the other hand is a nightmare to feed. Her FC used the BLW method. She was always choking and being sick. Mostly she just chewed and spat out. I tried to spoon feed as she wasn't eating anything but she refused a spoon.

She got ill all the time and I'm sure she just wasn't eating enough to keep her healthy. She seems to have a fear of eating and even at 4.5 years old will often panic about swallowing something and start choking before spitting out. I have to cut up everything into tiny pieces before she will eat and preferably cover everything in gravy or a a sauce.

It could just be different personalities but my experience of BLW is so bad that if I had the choice I would go down the traditional route.

JingleJohnsJulie Sat 29-Dec-12 09:54:12

Don't think your DDs choking has anything to do with blw personally and I'm not just leaping to the defence of blw. It's just that I've never met a blwer like this, have seen a few on here but there is always another issue like tongue tie or a very, very sensitive gag reflex or reflux. Think like you say, it's just different children.

SoupDragon Sat 29-Dec-12 10:09:01

I regret being so focussed on BLW with DD that I failed to realise it makes no difference how you wean your child - do what is right for you and them.

You can do both BLW and purées from a spoon. If your baby is happy to take stuff from a spoon and you're not just shovelling it in regardless, all is good.

CaseyShraeger Sat 29-Dec-12 10:16:36

I have three DC and my fussiest eater is the one who was puree-weaned. I don't think it's anything to do with weaning approach, just the way he is (actually I wonder whether he's a super taster as he has many of the signs, including not liking chocolate and not having much of a sweet tooth). He eats a lot more now at seven than he did at three, though.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Dec-12 11:18:38

I failed to realise it makes no difference how you wean your child - do what is right for you and them

Very true.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Dec-12 11:19:26

We do seem to have a peculiar idea that all DCs are the same and there is the way.

notengodinero Sat 29-Dec-12 11:30:18

I did blw with both of mine. Ds1 was much more enthusiastic, ate much more much earlier. Ds2 is 14m and is only just eating what you'd class as proper full meals. But, I feel strongly that they have both done what it right for them. They both gained weight well and are healthy. Ds2 is much more of a boob monster than ds1 so clearly he gets a lot of nourishment from that. Which is fine.
Fussiness can happen to any child. Ds1 is going through a fussy stage atm (he's 3) but again I'm not worried. I'm pleased that we were brave enough to give them both "adult" food from the start (I.e. stuff with spices, diff textures etc) so they got used to it quickly and no food or flavour has every seemed to be an unwelcome surprise! Don't worry. Your dc will get there in the end smile

blushingmare Mon 31-Dec-12 08:55:44

I only started weaning about a month ago and had planned to do "pure" BLW, but just didn't get on with it as I'd hoped. She seemed to start off enjoying the taste of food and was keen to eat, but would get frustrated by not being able to pick stuff up and hold it, making it a very slow process - think she wanted the food more quickly as she found it very tiring at the start too. However, she also refused spoon feeding! After an inital curiosity with the finger foods we then had a week of her just crying at tge sight of foods and refusing everything. So what I do is make her a purée, but also keep some of it whole as finger foods and also give her loaded spoons, which she grabs bit I also keep a hold of to guide and steady it in the right direction! I also load some of the finger foods with puree for her to suck it off. This has been much more successful and has really given her the idea of what food's about. She's now starting to get the hang of handling the finger foods better and is managing to actually eat some of them too (I was particularly impressed with how she managed slippery pear yesterday!). I think he needed to get a taste for the food to give her the motivation to persevere with the finger foods, but I think if all I'd done was put finger foods in front of her we'd still be having meltdowns.

As has been said though every baby's different and I think you just need to follow your baby's cues on what they want. Surely that's the true definition of baby led weaning, rather than strictly adhering to the ideals written in a book? smile

As has been said though every baby's different and I think you just need to follow your baby's cues on what they want. Surely that's the true definition of baby led weaning, rather than strictly adhering to the ideals written in a book?

THIS^^

I'm doing traditional. Started off with purees because of reflux. Now at 8 months, I spoon feed while he stuffs food in with his hands.

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 01-Jan-13 22:20:07

I did puree stuff with DS1, all sorts of fruit and vegetables. He will not eat fruit now aged 7 and is very particular about what he eats.

I did sort of BLW with DS2 in that he wouldn't be fed from a spoon so we had no option but to give him stuff he could eat himself. He has been feeding himself with a spoon for 1.5 years now and tonight tried to use a knife and fork properly. He is coming up to 3. He will eat anything inc fruit.

I really think that no matter how you wean, your child will decide what he/she likes or doesn't. For your new DC I would follow their lead. DS1 hated getting his hands dirty and would be spoon fed aged 4 given half a chance grin

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 01-Jan-13 22:34:33

good lord, if the aim is to get them to eat with the family then do not fear. DS1 was the worst fussiest eater ever. Now as a 7yo he will eat most things without fuss and is great at the dinner table, even though we have fed him at an earlier time to us most of his life. He still has excellent table manners and enjoys eating as a family. In fact I think that is partly down to the fact that we have never forced him to eat with us, that now he see's it as a treat!

SamSmalaidh Tue 01-Jan-13 22:35:17

Children eat well or become fussy for a variety of reasons, and while weaning method plays a part, purees vs. BLW is not going to guarantee anything. Personality, breast/bottle, gag reflex, intolerances, tongue-tie, an early bad experience/fright etc etc all come into play.

FWIW my DS breastfed like a dream, BLW at 5 months onto brocolli, chicken, fish, spinach, lentils, anything he could get his hands on. At 9 months went through a phase of only wanting to be spoon fed mush for a while, by 12 months was using cutlery and 100% feeding himself but basically only ate yoghurt, bananas, cheese and sausages hmm and now at 2.5 years eats fairly well but nothing green/any vegetables, and nothing "new".

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