10 mo son has now dropped off weight charts - any advice for staying sane?

[Firepile]

My 10 mo son has been low on the weight charts -

[mamama]

My DS (now 15 months) has been in the 25th centile for height & wavered right on/ off the bottom of the chart for weight since he was about 6 months old.

Our pediatrician is very laid back and said that as DS was growing well and was gaining weight each month (even if only a little, the general trend was weight increase) and seemed fine, not to worry. He never suggested formula and was very happy for DS to be breast fed. I try to make sure DS has other high fat/ protein foods like cheese & full fat yoghurt but, in general, I really don't worry. Some days he eats nothing and other days he eats a little. I really don't want to force him to eat, I'd rather he enjoyed mealtimes/ milk. I don't want it to become a battle. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of solids for a while and really preferred breastmilk but by 8 months, he was eating relatively well. He is still BF btw.

I'm not a doctor, but I tend to think that you know if you need to worry about your DC. If you want to BF and aren't happy with formula, I wouldn't feel pressured into it, not yet, anyway. TBH I don't see how formula would be better than your own milk. If both of you enjoy BF, surely he's likey to drink more that way than if he has formula.

I hope that the dietician is able to reassure you. Maybe a more helpful MNer will be along with some advice - I just wanted to reassure you that my DS was/ is in a similar situation but is fine

[Firepile]

Thank you very much for your positive response, Mamama. It's good to know that it's possible to get through it without spending every waking moment obsessing about what to feed your baby - and then worrying because he doesn't want to eat it...

And particular thanks for your thoughts on the b/f issue - all my instincts are saying continuing b/f without formula is the way to go, and my understanding is that the research supports that view. I seem to have plenty milk (DS can be seen and heard swallowing while feeding etc). On the other hand, I know that I can be both stubborn and dogmatic, so sometimes wonder if my lactivism might be holding him back.

On the bright side, though, he has been decidedly more enthusiastic about solids over the last couple of weeks. We'll see.

[mamama]

You sound like me - I'm far too stubborn for my own good! I do like to think that with BF, it is not such a bad thing...

I'm glad your DS is better about solids now. Am sure he'll start putting on weight soon- is he really active? My DS can't be still for a second so I am fairly sure that whatever he does consume is just burned off. I think I lose weight just watching him - it's exhausting!

[CantSleepWithSanta]

Hi Firepile. I also have a 10 month old who has dropped down the charts. She was tracking at 90th centile, but at last official weigh in had dropped to 50th, and over a month on from that she still hasn't gained a thing (by my own scales), which makes her lighter now than she was about 4 months ago. Obviously she isn't off the charts like your ds, but she is around 75th centile for height too, so there's more body to spread her weight around. I wouldn't describe her as at all thin, so I do think the charts are off on this, and we shouldn't be beholden to them.

My DD has been cruising since just over 7 months, and doesn't like to keep still at all (won't even sit in her pushchair!), and I put her failure to gain weight down to this. I imagine this may be the case for your ds too, since you say he is very active. Since the charts are based on averages, they are bound to be misleading for babies who become mobile much earlier than average.

I am also still bf (DD refuses to drink more than a couple of sips of formula, but she does have to have a quite hideous hypoallergenic one, as she is cows milk protein intolerant). DD also often refuses to eat solids. We are doing BLW as she won't let me spoon feed her at all. She's quite capable of feeding herself, but just chooses to throw the food on the floor instead most of the time.

Anyway, the point of all this is that no, I don't think you are a freak for not wanting to feed your ds chocolate biscuits, and am frankly horrified that anyone in the medical profession would even suggest it. Maybe an odd biscuit as a treat when you are having one yourself wouldn't be the end of the world, but I certainly wouldn't intentionally go out of my way to give them. I would have thought that that would only develop a sweet tooth and make it even harder to get him to eat good healthy food.

Your menu, with perhaps some oily fish thrown in and a few things cooked in olive oil (diced potatoes done this way and mixed with chopped egg and baked beans might be a hit) sounds just great.

As for the 'what if' question, I'm a great believer in addressing that issue if and when you get there.

[fluffyanimal]

Ask your HV or paed about thrive lines. These are newer than centile charts and curve less steeply and are supposed to show how a child who is not gaining weight is still thriving. My ds's weight started dropping centiles for a bit but he was still following a thrive line so nobody was worried.

You sound like you know enough about diet to feed your son healthy high calorie stuff, and it is only a few weeks now until you can offer him ordinary cows milk if you are unhappy about the ethics of formula. Also it can be a battle to get a long-term bf baby to like the taste of formula so probably not worth adding to your stress. Hang in there, I'm sure he'll be fine.

[SaggarClaus]

Firepile - my dd fell off the bottom of the charts, having been born at 10lb. She has health issues and was tube fed for quite some time.

Just a couple of points - Do you express? You can get suppliments to fortify your bm rather than switching to follow-on. We used maxijul and calogen. Maxijul is a powder that can be added to or sprinkled on solid food too. Calogen is a liquid. Call your dietician and ask about these.

As far as solid food goes you can increase as you say without going down the processed route. Use cream and cheese in your mash, cream in porridge, custard, avocado etc. Although I have to say chocolate was a big thing in this house.

Hope this helps you stay sain!

[SaggarClaus]

sain?! sane

[Firepile]

Hello, Can'tsleep, Fluffy and Saggar. Thank you for your helpful posts - am feeling a bit less isolated now. I have supportive DP, family and friends, but they all have /had normal weight babies (except DP, obviously)...

Will look out thrive lines and keep EBM supplements in reserve for our next appointment in the New Year. I didn't know about them, so that's cheered me up already. The BF seems to be very emotional for me (and for DS too), and I'd be happier to use EBM if I can.

I love chocolate (and am quite keen on the odd chocolate biscuit or seven - you don't get a figure like mine while being a nutritional purist), but I really seem to be through the looking glass with the advice I'm getting. When I suggested that it was better to avoid transfats if possible (I was advocating that famed healthfood shortbread at the time!), it seemed to be taken as evidence of my (perceived) neuroticism about food... And then the paed said that "we were some way off the McDonalds solution". He may have been joking, but I can't rule out the possibility that they are actually going to suggest this later on...

People looking for very delicious calorie dense foods without nasties might like to check out the chiller cabinet in M&S. Clotted cream rice pudd - just milk, cream, water, rice and sugar, nothing else. DS likes it alot. And we are very happy to finish the (adult sized) pot...

[SaggarClaus]

I think you either go one way or the other lol! - I'm the least neurotic person when it comes to food. Dd was weaned on choc buttons and wotsits just to get past her aversion of having anything in her mouth. After that the only way is up .

BTW Rolo desserts are very calorific and very yummy. I know.........

[Firepile]

And very interested to see that you are doing BLW with your DD, Can'tSleep - I would have loved to have done this with DS, but he was so uninterested on food (has only started to do fingerfoods at all in the last 3 weeks) that I didn't feel able to (might have done had he not been under supervision for skinniness mind).

But Aitch's blw blog has been a bit of an oasis of sanity in terms of its attitudes to food and weight, despite the fact that we're not actually doing blw.

[CantSleepWithSanta]

Oh yes I have to keep repeating the blw'ers mantra of 'food is for fun, until they're one'. Not quite sure what happens in 6 weeks time when she suddenly is one though!!! Hopefully she will have learnt to enjoy a wider repertoire of food with less throwing by then.

[fortyplus]

If he's only 9th centile for height then he's bound to be low on weight chart if he's not plump. My ds2 was 75th centile for height and 2nd centile for weight - he drove me nuts with his fussy eating from the word go!
But at around age 3 he got a lot better.
He's 11 now and around 90th centile for height and 50th for weight - lovely slim, fit, handsome chap!
So don't despair!

[mamama]

Another thing about the charts - I don't know on what they are based in the UK, but in the states, where I am, they were, until very recently, based on average growth of formula-fed babies from one particular area of the country so were not an accurate reflection of breatfed babies at all.

[MrsApron]

you sound very sensible to me. A baby with rolls of fat surely cannot be too skinny!

My dd1 barely touched solids until about 13/24 months bf on demand. She was on the 91st percentile for both height and weight until about 4 months (25th inititally though) then started sliding down the weight one. I avoided the scales apart from a brief visit to check for weight for 2nd car seat.

She is now a beatifully healthy 2.7 year old who is about on the 15th for weight and 45th for height (amercian charts just googled!)

She eats a healthy varied diet with a preference for fruit and veg and is very active can walk for about a mile without a murmur.

That is a huge drop and if she had started any lower i would have been hassled to death by \hv etc.

Carry on i say you are doing a great job,

[AardvarkTwo]

I read this thread with much interest as I am in a really similar situation with my DS. He is 8 months and started on 9th centile (also 9th for height) and has fallen to just above 0.4th.

Big difference though is he is Formula Fed (maybe that will reassure you that FF would not change anything!). He is not really intereted in food or formula and seems to live off yoghurts.

I keep asking HV what will happen if he continues to fall on charts but they just don't seem very interested and say keep feeding him good food (not been advised to go down the sausage/chip route).

I am finding it really hard not to worry and then worry again that my worry will create food issues and round and round in circles. But I think it is genetic as DP is very slim and like your DS he has got fat on him.

Sorry no advice - but sympathies and very interesting to read your similar experience.

[AardvarkTwo]

Oh and I will now be going to M&S to stock up on the rice puddings!

[suzi2]

IMO, it sounds like you're doing fine and have more sense about you than the dietician! I would say to maximise his calories but in a healthy way. Perhaps when he's more into finger foods that will help. We did BLW with DS (now 16 months) and he's always been a small eater. But toast is a HUGE hit and he could eat several slices a day which reassures me at time. So maybe once he can have toast, sandwiches, over roasted chips etc that'll help.

I would also say if he seems to be thriving and is lively and happy then he's most likely OK. And since he's been teetering near the bottom of the charts this isn't a sudden thing. Has he actually lost any weight?

My DS started at a whopping 98th centile for length and 50th/75th for weight. height was down to the 2nd centile by about 8 months and then he dropped right off the charts... not convinced he's back on them even now! His weight steadied at 25th until he started crawling/cruising at 10 months. And he has only gained a matter of ounces since. Consequently his weight is now tying up with his height more. And DH is slight and short build too. The health professionals have mixed views. Some hit major panic about it. Others say that he's clearly developing well and thriving and has obviously just found his place somewhere at the bottom/off the chart. They have told me they will review things when he's closer to 2 yrs just to check that he is still growing, even just a little bit.

Oh, and keep with the breastfeeding. There is no reason whatsoever to think that he'll get more calories from formula milk. He's getting what he needs and wants from you IMO.

[MrsApron]

13/14 months even

[BuffysMum]

Have you pointed out to paed that he is only on the 9th centile for height and that his weight on a bf chart would probably be the 9th rather then dropped off? I only have one of 4 dd's with matching height and weight centiles and too have one on the 98th for height whilst 75th for weight so if she were a shorty like me she too would below the charts.

Can you chill enough about his wieght to just stop going to appts. If you think he is alert learning, thriving, happy, healthy with rolls of fat then stuff them! I think perhaps you are too far in the system to do this but if you can maintain an attitude toward the drs that he is healthy and happy then perhaps they will be more confident to not interfere. Other than that ask for a 2nd opinion or lie and say he is having formula!

[Firepile]

As AardvarkTwo says, it's the worry that does for you - I know that it hit me really hard when he had fallen off the chart. I felt like such a failure as a mother because protecting them from malnutrition seems like the least a mother should be able to do. And I certainly perceive that the professionals think that it is my fault DS is not gaining - either because I am too fastidious about food, or because I have an issue about him taking solids, or because I have been too stubborn to accept that formula is really the answer... Oh yes, and being a bit antsy and "looking things up on the internet" (that'll be looking for peer reviewed studies on Pubmed, then) is not helping to rehabilitate me ...

However, it is good to hear from people who have come through the weight chart years with healthy happy children at the end. My rational mind may think that this is the most likely scenario, but it's so hard to believe that when your consulatant appears to have gone into meltdown. And my bright-eyed boy is so much tinier than the other babies of his age.

Suzi2's suggestion about just bailing out of the appointments is a tempting one, as I find the appointments very stressful. But I think it would look very bad if I did - especially as faltering growth/ failure to thrive can sometimes indicate neglect and other serious problems. I think it's important that Paeds' first duty of care is to the child. But aside from that (and believe it or not) I actually quite like our Paed. I just wish that he would explain exactly what he thinks is going on, referring both to the scientific evidence and his (considerable) clinical experience. At least then I'd know what the issues are. But he seems reluctant to engage in this way - perhaps because it's hard to find a cause for faltering growth? Or maybe because he thinks I am a monumental pain in the backside?

[Firepile]

Sorry, It was Buffy'sMum who suggested going AWOL from the hospital, not Suzi2.

That's what happens when you get caught up in pre-Christmas stuff and don't get back to the computer all day...

[MrsApron]

I don't think anyone in your position could avoid worrying and as you are the provider by BF of most of his calories it is such a difficult one because you are so personally culpable.

BM more calorific than solids on a quantity basis (kellymom do a comparision chart but can't find it just now tired!) so pratically Bm will give me the most calories due to fast digestion etc.

I really believe babies know best in most cases. My dd1 was very fussy about solid food for ages and there is a theory that some children are self protecting against allergies/intolerences. I do know that she used to react very badly to dairy and had hives with some fruits (no longer though) so there could be some truth in that.

as far as the recommendations given you could try your own olive oil chips (wedges!) home made biscuits perhaps organic with green and blacks cocoa powder ? at least then you would be going along with the theory of the recommendations and could then answer truthfully to avoid the labelling of you as a food/bm vigilante lol!

Nothing worse than being made to feel like you aren't doing the best for your child. Thats why I never saw a particular HV again after being told to wean early because i must be starving my fat as butter child when I cried with sleep deprvation at a clinic instead of being given support to exclusively bf until 6 months such as cosleep.

[Firepile]

Absolutely, MrsApron! There seems to be a marked reluctance for professionals to listen to what babies are saying about what they need.

I spent a heartbreaking week trying to "encourage" my son to take solids - spoonfeeding him through the tears and sometimes not bf when he was reaching out for me. If we did this to adults it would be called a human rights abuse. It took a visit and wise counsel from my mother to convince me that my instincts were right, and that he would eat (or not) when he was ready. Even then, I still sometimes fear the consequences if he continues to refuse soild food. It is so easy for professionals to undermine parents' confidence and the longer I spend on mumsnet, the more I see the terrible consequences of appalling advice, badly given.

[busybusymum]

my DD was in the middle of the charts for the first 3 months then constantly dropped and then remained off the scale.

She was perfectly healthy and jolly, slept through the night etc just didnt put on extra weight, (not a problem her mum has )

[suzi2]

Firepile - I was just reading all this again and would also add that your DS is only 10 months and I know many babies who take a bit longer to get into the whole 'solids' thing than others. I know that my DS ate very little before he found toast lol. I agree that your paed should be telling you more. Like why there is concern? (talking beyond the charts here).

I'm also interested to hear what everyone is saying about intollerances. My DS has refused all milk since we stopped bf at a year. He'll take small amounts of cheese and yogurt but nothing milky or creamy. I'm intollerant to milk in it's purest form so perhaps he is too and knows better.

Best of luck with it.