BLW: Just not common sense.(35 Posts)
Oh dear. My Dad was pretty vocal in his disapproval of BLW last night at his house. Basically saying, my DGD is a tiny baby and giving her huge chunks of food isn't just a nonsense but dangerous and that he won't tolerate it in his house. In any case, it's not common sense and why don't we feed her properly ie with a spoon.
Now DD is 22 weeks and has been grabbing out at food for 2 weeks. She can sit unaided, she has teeth, she can easily put food into her mouth. We haven't pushed and I was actually quite alarmed that she is doing this all so far before the 26 week mark. She screams Zander cries if we don't give her food.
So, we've been giving her bits of veg or fruit to suck / play with. She bf's the same, so I didn't really see the harm in letting her have a play if she wants to. Especially as she can sit so well. She chews, sucks, tastes and inspects food. Yesterday she was scooping handfuls of porridge (my mum made her some) quite manically! However, last night she choked on some potato. She was over enthusiastic and I think it was too crumbly and broke up in her mouth. I wouldn't have given her potato at home, just roasted or raw things like parsnip or banana. I've been staying with mum and dad for a few days and mum has tried so hard to accommodate us and is really impressed with DD. After potato-gate dad went bright red, was really upset (my DH, DM, me and DD were all fine) and went off on one. His line of argument was tantamount to me killing his GD with irresponsible new fangled nonsense
I cried in bed last night and feel like a huge failure (long line of criticism for many years). Besides all this happening before she's 26 weeks, I don't see what I've done wrong. I've tried to get him to read the gill rapley book (one persons opinion according to him), explain the nhs advice I had on the baby and me course (not common sense).
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance really as feel like shit. Also I'm taking them out for dinner to say thanks for having us and can't bear the the thought of a public stand off.
Thank you all. DD does have a spoon... I'm going to give it to her pre-loaded with yoghurt (when we get home) to see how we get on. Maybe I'm being too dogmatic about "the spoon", more so than I thought, after reading the gill rapley book. I just didn't see the point at this stage when she isn't even supposed to be eating yet!
No, we don't live with my parents, just staying here for a few days. No, he didn't wean us (he didn't even live at home when I was a baby) and yes, as a toddler I choked on an apricot stone... Perhaps there's something there...
I have been thinking about a child's first aid course. I'm going to look into that this morning.
Yes you can chop and change between the two. We weren't big on BLW for spaghetti bolognese, for example. We tended to spoonfeed DD that for the sake of the walls.
But an advantage of BLW generally is that I never worried whether DD could take the chunks of meat and veg in bolognese or anything else. In fact before she had teeth we used to give her pieces of steak to suck/chew on. She never actuially ate the steak but she sucked all the goodness out and liked the flavour.
I think some parents do have initial resistance from their babies when they move from totally pureed food to small chunks. That is where they get gagging. Gagging (rather than choking) is something all babies do as they learn how to cope with diffferent foods. Scary at the time though.
Really - children weaned with purees on spoons do eat normal food, they do not turn into frogs.
Put a spoon in baby's hand and you use one too and when baby opens her mouth just put a spoonful in. If she shakes her head don't force her.
In the old days you used to have some cut up fruit/veg/cheese/egg/strips of meat on the plate too and baby would chew and suck on these things while opening mouth for a spoonful of food.
Spoons are nothing to be afraid of - most parents just mix and match and see what what works. There are no dire consequences to this.
I'm really not getting that the op is afraid of spoons, just that her dd is getting some food to play with (and eat if she wants/can) at the table so she can join in with mealtimes rather than needing to eat a decent portion of solid food for nutrition/to fill her up.
If that's the case then there's no need to pre-load spoons or use spoons for the sake of it, much easier to just give her a chunk of something and let her get on with it while you enjoy your meal too.
Neither of my dss' were blw'd per se as I spoon fed both as well, but we did use finger food from around 6 months as a great way to get them used to textures and tastes, and to give them something to keep them occupied up at the table with everyone else. It worked really well for us.
My mum was very about the concept with ds1, but by the time ds2 came along she was really pro waiting until around 6 months to wean so that we could skip the puree stage and go straight on to mashed and finger food.
What your dad is saying doesn't make any sense. If you want to try to change his mind just show him any literature on traditional weaning and it will say to also give your baby finger foods when they're able to sit up unaided. How will that be different?
If I were you I wouldn't bother though. It's none of his business. I would just ignore his comments as best you can until the end of your visit.
And find another way to thank them instead of taking them out for dinner, you're just setting yourself up for a showdown. Take them to a panto or something instead.
My mother in law used to watch DD1 and say "She really experiences her food, doesn't she,' in a less than enthusiastic manner
Weaning's a funny thing, it seems to bring out alot of anxiety and judgement in a way that I did not expect.
Mashed potato is a weird one, safe because there are no lumps (unless I made it ) but still quite inhalable.
Gagging can be scary and look like choking but a child gagging is moving the food round in its mouth and learning not to choke . I think your dad maybe got spooked by seeing your dd gagging and went a bit defensive.
You sound like you have your head screwed on, just carry on doing things your way and ride it out.
He's right about Gill Rapley, to be fair. I second the advice to show him the NHS guidelines, as they state blw is a perfectly acceptable weaning method.
I think this is quite common for people of our parents generation. My mum recently admitted she'd been worrying herself mad about a photo we showed her of DD sucking on a piece (a large piece) of dried apple. She had read something about not giving babies apple til they were much older in case they broke a bit off and choked on it. Ident think mum had even heard of blw til I told her we were trying it alongside the purée
It this is something you feel strongly about doing then stick to your guns.
Me and DH had a lot of arguments & a big falling out with his mum because she was totally against the idea and basically said we were putting DS's life at risk and she was so worried about it. I hated having her present at mealtimes as there was an atmosphere or thinly veiled criticisms. It was an upsetting time, and like you I felt shit for a while & had a wobble about continuing with BLW. But deep down I knew that I wanted to do this because DS enjoyed it & I was taking all the precautions (sitting upright; cutting up foods appropriately e.g. Halving/quartering grapes; no hard raw veg; never leaving him alone; and I've even done a paediatric first aid course etc). MIL still disapproves I think but keeps her opinions to herself now thankfully!
At the start (6m) DS could barely pick up a piece of banana but now at 10m his development means he is so much more able and its amazing to watch. As you're right at the start, you could stick to the softer end of the finger food scale until you & DD are used to it & then go from there. You're dad will likely come around to it over time. And yes don't be afraid of the spoon - I feed DS his weetabix/porridge and yoghurt with a spoon.
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