really, REALLY stressed with weaning

(41 Posts)
Kyzordz Sun 16-Jun-13 10:12:27

And could do with a virtual slap I think.

DS is 32 weeks this coming Tuesday. I have been weaning since 26 weeks, and its just not working. He ate tiny amounts blw style and refused puree for the first two weeks bar boxed baby cereals. He got poorly at about 28 weeks and refused all solids and only drank half his milk for about ten days. The week following this he did so well, he had 5 x 8oz bottles and I offered food three times a day an hour after bottles after a couple of days of hoovering up the bits and pieces I offered willy nilly. He worked up to about 3oz milk and 5 ff milk scoop sized scoops of baby cereal, juice and some fruit as finger food, then 6 cubes of veg and a yoghurt for lunch with rice cakes or toast or something, then whatever we have for tea, probably about 6 cubes with veg as finger food. He was even eating lasagne mashed with a fork and really loving it! This all on top of 40oz in bottles.

After about a week or so of this he started leaving some here and there, odd oz in his bottle or a bit in the bottom of the breakfast bowl. One of his feeds is a df at 10pm and I have been reducing this by an oz at a time and I thought he might pick back up but he's just refusing more and more. He won't open his mouth for anything but yoghurt and fruit purée. Oh and toast, he will feed himself toast and sometimes other things. I have tried a loaded spoon and he throws it. I have done a first aid course but still feel far too nervous to go for blw. I literally sit shaking when he is given finger foods, I am rediculous. Tbh I tried giving him less finger foods when he took more purée because of how nervous I get but as I said, he seems to be full on refusing any purée bar yogurts and fruit.

He hasn't had his df for two nights now so goes 7-7 between feeds and 8-7 sleep wise. When he woke this morning I thought he should be hungry enough for breakfast but he flat out refused and after 20 mins I gave him his bottle, which he drained.

So, currently he is offered 32oz, was 40oz. He is a big lad, 20lb 11oz at 30 weeks, and I am stressing over so many aspects of this weaning malarkey. I didn't know if anyone could help or just slap me and make me stop worrying. I have convinced myself 32oz isn't enough for such a big boy, and I have been told by hv so many different things, from putting stuff on a tray and letting him get on with it, to making sure he has no more than 32oz, to replacing a bottle with a meal and just letting him deal with it. Surely if I've taken an entire 8oz he should miss it and replace it with food? Does he just love his milk too much at the minute? I am being way too ott with this aren't I?

Is it definitely better to offer food after a bottle? Feel like I'm always feeding him, but if this is what I'm supposed to do ill do it, I'm just concerned he will keep filling up on milk and never eat. Was also told if he cannot chew lumps by 8 months he won't learn until after 18 months (hv told me).

I think he prefers to feed himself blw style but how do I stop stressing? I just can't get my head around it and don't know what to do for him for the best. I want him to enjoy food and have a healthy relationship with it and good appetite as an adult. My mum thinks its a battle of wills but I don't want to fight with him and 'win'. Technically I could hide veg in yoghurt or trick him with aeroplanes etc but I don't want to trick him or confuse him because I think it'll damage his trust in me.

Help?! Many thanks in advance, and well done for getting to the bottom!

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 27-Jun-13 17:05:16

Totally agree with ignoring the never did them any harm comments. My cousin was fed rusks in bottles from 2 weeks and was weaned at 6 weeks. My Auntie encouraged me to do the same with my DC. She ignores the fact that my cousin is virtually incapacitated with asthma and had a heart attack in his 20s shocksad

You are doing brilliantly. And just because you want to plan meals doesn't make you different, it just makes you organised.

This time of year is do lovely to wean with all of the fruits about, just try to enjoy it smile

LastButOneSplash Thu 27-Jun-13 08:30:26

Sounds like you're doing great. And I'm sending my son round for some if that's ok grin

Kyzordz Wed 26-Jun-13 21:32:15

Thanks both smile I'm getting there I think! I know people mean well and I never even thought of it from the defensive angle!

Today has been a really good day! I am learning not to expect ds to eat and it seems to work well at least for my stress levels! He didn't eat much at breakfast, he had scrambled eggs, but enjoyed broccoli and tuna croquettes for lunch with some red pepper tomato and carrot purée, then pizza toast for tea with a yoghurt. He tried everything and liked lots of things especially the pizza toast! He didn't gag once today, spluttered on his water from his sippy cup but always does that. Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, I know I'm supposed to go with the flow but I like to have a vague idea of what I'm doing at least. Will have to have a think!

ZolaBuddleia Wed 26-Jun-13 20:01:09

I'd second the BLW cookbook, lots of good recipes requiring relatively few ingredients.

Glad you're relaxing a bit. Have you thought about sticks of roasted carrot or parsnip? They have enough solidity to hold together but are soft enough to gum.

Try to relax about the choking, your DS is in charge or what he puts in his mouth, he'll be fine! I get all twitchy when I are mums posting bits of food into their kids, much more likely to take them by surprise and make them choke.

delasi Wed 26-Jun-13 19:51:55

PS sounds like you are doing a fab job and all that's required is to enjoy the foody fun smile

delasi Wed 26-Jun-13 19:44:28

I think the 'never did you harm' comments are understandable but have to be ignored, after all in 20-30 years I may well feel a bit off or defensive if my parenting today is later considered risky but I'll have to think back to now and accept it! My DGM, for example, weaned my uncle at 1.5mo confused and rejects the findings of modern research. I smiled, nodded, and merrily waited till 6mo to wean DS. Sometimes we just have to try and sound it out.

Can be tiring when you're constantly being 'corrected' (I get this from some people I know!) or told about what they did which is apparently the 'best' way, but all that matters in the end is you and your baby and what you're happy with. Look to official guidance for health and safety, modern mums (eg MN) for current experiences, and everyone else for reference. Edit as required. smile

Kyzordz Wed 26-Jun-13 11:08:39

Mornings smile I'd like to think they wouldn't want me to ignore it but I keep hearing ' never did you lot any harm' so I think I'm just supposed to go with it. I don't know. They do all insist I'm doing a fab job so I guess they can't think too badly of me, it's just me that does!

He really did enjoy lasagne. You know he likes something when he lets you spoon feed it! This morning I tried him with scrambled egg. Most was thrown but I mashed a bit into some toast and he ate some and then would accept me feeding it to him from my hand but not feed it to himself or have it from a spoon. I think it was a bit tricky for him tbh. I spoon fed him fruit purée, didn't bother with any cereals today, usually I would in order to fill him up and make sure he has eaten something but was trying to not be fussed about what goes in so didn't make sure he had this that and the other. Lunch is the tuna croquettes from the blw book and perhaps a yoghurt to spoon feed, and some broccoli, he likes broccoli, and tea is the pizza toast from the blw book. He didn't actually eat any toast this morning just sucked a bit with egg on to get a taste so think its ok to offer it again.

LittleBearPad Tue 25-Jun-13 23:42:44

You're doing really well. Don't worry about what your mum or in laws remember. For one thing memories are selective. You may have had three full meals a day by six months some days. Other days you may flatly have refused to eat anything or some degree in between.
Weaning is such a short time, try to relax about it. Your son found a way to eat his lasagne and he enjoyed it. That's a wonderful thing. It's like a little joint adventure for the two of you. Some things/days will go better than others and that's ok too.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 25-Jun-13 21:50:57

Agree, the guidance has changed and its your baby, you can't and shouldn't parent in exactly the same way as your parents or inlaws did. There has been so much research in the last 30 years, I'm sure they wouldn't want you to ignore it smile

Agree with last, he's not going to leave home still unable to eat and he won't go hungry. Babies are born with the ability to let you know when they are hungry, remember that newborn cry? That ability doesn't just disappear once weaning starts, if he's hungry you will know smile

Kyzordz Tue 25-Jun-13 21:01:20

I did a first aid course and I still panic blush I really am daft sad lasagne went really well, I mashed it with a fork and he ate all that I'd made him, I guess a golf ball sized amount? Quite a bit for him anyway! He had salad leaves and a couple of chips whilst I ate my dinner. I spent most of the time watching him eat but he did really well and I was able to eat my dinner albeit a bit rushed because I worried I wasn't giving him my full attention

I realise the guidelines have changed, that's why i left weaning until later, he started having bits and bobs from about 24 weeks but didn't start properly until 6 months. I already hear enough about how big a bowl we could clear by ds's age which is why I worry he's not doing so well. Or is one of the reasons.

I do have the cookbook, I have so many weaning books now I've lost count! I read through the blw cookbook again last night, the first bit, and I do really like the sound of it, and I keep making sure he has something he can feed himself at every meal, more often than not he chooses to feed himself something, or at least have a good nom of it even if he doesn't swallow anything.

He's eaten a lot today really and drank 28oz which is a bit less than usual, I've no idea what is normal just that 20oz is a minimum but he hasn't had that little since he was about 2 weeks old or when he got poorly a month or so back!

Thanks again smile trying to take each day as it comes and not worry about each meal. He's got his whole life to eat food I guess, if he wants to drink milk and throw food about now is the better time to be doing it!

Kyzordz Tue 25-Jun-13 21:01:19

I did a first aid course and I still panic blush I really am daft sad lasagne went really well, I mashed it with a fork and he ate all that I'd made him, I guess a golf ball sized amount? Quite a bit for him anyway! He had salad leaves and a couple of chips whilst I ate my dinner. I spent most of the time watching him eat but he did really well and I was able to eat my dinner albeit a bit rushed because I worried I wasn't giving him my full attention

I realise the guidelines have changed, that's why i left weaning until later, he started having bits and bobs from about 24 weeks but didn't start properly until 6 months. I already hear enough about how big a bowl we could clear by ds's age which is why I worry he's not doing so well. Or is one of the reasons.

I do have the cookbook, I have so many weaning books now I've lost count! I read through the blw cookbook again last night, the first bit, and I do really like the sound of it, and I keep making sure he has something he can feed himself at every meal, more often than not he chooses to feed himself something, or at least have a good nom of it even if he doesn't swallow anything.

He's eaten a lot today really and drank 28oz which is a bit less than usual, I've no idea what is normal just that 20oz is a minimum but he hasn't had that little since he was about 2 weeks old or when he got poorly a month or so back!

Thanks again smile trying to take each day as it comes and not worry about each meal. He's got his whole life to eat food I guess, if he wants to drink milk and throw food about now is the better time to be doing it!

LastButOneSplash Tue 25-Jun-13 20:13:57

And breathe grin

Little steps will get you there. He won't leave home unable to eat.

Did you know guidance has changed? So whilst you might have been eating full meals at 6 months that wouldn't be in line with current guidance, as that's to start at 6 months. Is was 4 in the last 10 years. So what people did in the past isn't necessarily right for now.

Did you say you had the BLW cookbook? If you like the sound of that then reading the intro bit should alleviate concerns re choking. I was really worried about it so did a first aid course so I'd know what to do if it happened. It's really unlikely though.

There's so many different ways to do this - whatever you do won't be wrong. Well unless you're just giving them kebabs I suppose wink. How was the lasagne?

Kyzordz Tue 25-Jun-13 17:20:57

I would really like to go with the flow, and I am trying to a bit more and not worry so much. I'm sure you can all tell I'm a worrier, a panicker, and an organiser. I think the reasons I persevere with purée are because I know he's eaten then, I know how much, and although I know they can choke on purée it just seems much less likely. Also my mum is much in favour of purée and I am influenced a lot by her as much as I try to do it for myself, I feel like I don't know enough to make the right decisions for my son. I feel like if I try blw and he chokes and scares the life out of me or doesn't eat much I'll have screwed it up and gone about it wrongly. I just want to do the right thing only I constantly criticise myself and think I'm going to mess it all up! It's the same with the milk situation, I am constantly told he won't up his solids if I don't reduce his milk but I'm not that fussed now he's lost the 10pm bottle, I try to just let him decide what he wants to drink and offer food and hope he'll regulate himself. I know all five of us were on 3 meals by 6 months, big ones with pudding and I know he moans and makes a mess and I know the in laws want him to be big like his daddy but I don't feel I can control any of these things but it worries me that so much is expected and I can't deliver!

I am offering finger food though and letting him get on with that I just always have a puréed something too, and I need to try a bit better with finger food stuff, I've taken the suggestions on board and planned omelette and made those tuna things I keep harping on about smile tea is lasagne and I will mash him a bowl up but god only knows how to give him some as finger food unless he has a few chips and salad bits :/

Blw appeals to me because I can give him food and eat my tea at the same time but I know what I'm like, I won't eat whilst he's eating in case he chokes.

I know Ds needs to see me eating and I try to eat a bit of something, though usually just one of his rice cakes or something just really slowly lol. I understand why you're concerned, and it doesn't make sense that I don't eat but try to get ds to. I think it's because I know if I'm hungry i know how to eat what I want and I worry he can't get food unless I give it to him and I just can't get it out of my head that if he doesn't eat much he's not ever going to be able to eat and he'll always rely on milk. I know it's rediculous and honestly I'm not as bad as I was/have been.

I have eaten with him both times today and will be having tea, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to eat with him at every meal.

Tandoori went ok thank you for asking smile peas frustrated him but he loves holding and eating chicken and seemed to enjoy the flavour. Wasn't sure how to give him roasties as they don't look like a baby friendly shape and I didn't think to do some stick shapes blush but I will next time! I'll try some apricots and other dried fruit. He seems to enjoy fruit purée and fruit to hold most if the time. Reminds me I need more fresh fruit too as I'm about out!

Thanks all for listening to me vent

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 25-Jun-13 09:54:54

Dried apricots should be fine, dd had them when she had one tooth and used to manage fine smile

That does seem like a huge variety at each meal. Mine had less choice but if it works for you don't fret too much.

How did the tandoori chicken go? smile

LastButOneSplash Tue 25-Jun-13 09:30:34

Kyzordz, I agree with the earlier posters that you're perhaps thinking a bit too much about this resulting in it being stressful. It does sound like you're offering a lot. My baby gets what we're having, if suitable. If not something else simple, such as an omelette, crumpet, toast. Sometimes I'll have a moment where I realise I'll just have to cobble something together. I think the previous poster's comment that he's just another person comment is useful. Sometimes we all have cobbled together meals, or great meal etc. When I worry I remember two things, that so long as they get a balance over a week every meal doesn't matter. And food before one is just for fun - it's about getting used to the textures, smells, tastes, processes, concepts at the moment. Nutrition comes from milk too still.

I'm doing blw. So I'll give him what he's having on his plate, at his high chair, and then we all eat. We sometimes pick things up for him, or move things closer to him if necessary. We might spoon him some yoghurt or fruit at the end, but he's not the centre of attention, it's just a normal mealtime with him there doing his thing.

I'm really concerned that you don't eat. Partly in relation to your baby's eating, as he needs to see you eating too so he can copy you and understand a mealtime. I'm also very concerned for you as it isn't healthy. I may be wrong here, but for me your posts suggests you have an issue with food and this is playing out with your baby. You're not feeding yourself yet putting a huge amount into feeding your baby. Does that resonate? You don't need to answer, just wanted to give you food for thought, as it were.

Sounds like you're making some lovely things for your baby. Can mine come round wink

delasi Mon 24-Jun-13 22:57:44

Oh dear my mind isn't running right... I meant "he's a person, just like I'm a person too, only natural to vary...". Going to leave it here... blush

delasi Mon 24-Jun-13 22:55:46

Forgot: don't worry however if you want to offer less variety or if some days are more and others less - just go with the flow. Eg, the other day DS had toast, gingerbread (baby version) and sausage in the morning, rice, broccoli and chicken curry at lunch, then roast pork and cauliflower for dinner, which may or may not sound a huge variety but he was also offered various bits of fruit and snacks throughout the day (didn't keep track blush family were enjoying feeding him). Today he has D&V and just had some broccoli and nothing else. But he's a person, I have days where I eat lots of different things and others where my diet is much simpler. The key for me is to eventually establish getting some basic goodies every day - fruit, veg, some dairy, some carb, and see how we go with the rest.

delasi Mon 24-Jun-13 22:50:13

Congrats!

Thought I'd chip in again grin

I have actually wondered the same thing about amount/variety of food! But personally, I figure if he'll have it or try it then fine, the amount offered isn't really a big deal whilst DS is just getting tastes and nibbles. I'll think about actual portion sizes when he starts eating proper whole meals and as for the variety, I think it's good to try lots of different things. The only thing I've been wary of is if something could potentially invoke a reaction, eg with curry, I try and make sure there's only one of those in a day so that I can attempt to work out what happened if indeed there is a reaction. I know that in theory everything could do that, but there are obviously things that are just more common in that regard.

As for getting him to taste, I do that if DS just stares at it - which admittedly happens far less now as he puts everything in his mouth, food stuff or not. I would put bits on his tray, leave him to it for at least several minutes, and if he just didn't pay any attention then I would put it into his hand or bring to his mouth to try. Then I'd just leave him to it again and if he did nothing with it then I'd just leave it. Also no problem not bothering with puree! DS has never had puree (had a yoghurt once, that was... interesting) and he also doesn't like to eat very soft foods because they just squish in his hands (eg bananas). I figure if/when he becomes more 'delicate' then he'll get onto these things.

Kyzordz Mon 24-Jun-13 21:52:10

Nope, I don't eat in the day although I have started to eat a bit of toast in the morning because of E having breakfast. I probably should eat more regularly and healthier to be fair.

I have been going as follows and it's working ok...

7:30 8oz
8:30 breakfast
11:30 lunch
12:30 8oz offered, 5-8oz drank usually, usually 7 or 8
3ish 8oz
5:30 tea
7pm 8oz before bed at 8

Another question... I offer e lots of different things for each meal and I think I'm probably overdoing it. For example today he was offered soreen, toast with apple purée, weetabix with cows milk and orange segments for breakfast. Lunch was pork and apple casserole, houmous and breadsticks, broccoli and cauliflower florets, a yoghurt and some raspberries in a mesh feeder. Tea I offered cauliflower cheese, fish in cheese sauce with vegetables and green beans, fish as finger food, sweet potato wedges and banana as finger food. He is always offered water through the day and obviously has his milk. Am I offering too many things for each meal? My mum reckons I should offer him something finger food wise and something on a spoon and he either takes it or leaves it. He does waste a lot but I worry if I don't give him so many options and he doesn't want the thing I offer him when I offer it, he'll go back to point blank refusing everything.

Today went quite well though I guess, he ate a fair bit at each meal and ate the cauliflower cheese without any protest, opened up as wide as he does for yoghurt!! Never happens for savoury food.

Also, he always always purses his lips at first, refuses to open his mouth until you manage to get a bit on his lips that he licks off and he might, just might, open tentatively if you're lucky. Am I supposed to keep trying to get a bit on his lips in the hope he likes it or stop chasing him with the spoon so to speak? I've tried a loaded spoon but until he has realised he likes the thing im offering he just throws it at me. Is there anything else I can try, or just accept he rarely likes purées and stop bothering?

I am hoping to make tuna croquettes tomorrow from the blw book for him, I haven't ever given him a meal without a purée of some sort to try but fully intend on whacking some of these on his tray when I've made them and seeing how it goes.

Thanks again all for your help and support, it's really helped me particularly with not worrying!

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 22-Jun-13 00:20:31

Think I must have x-posted with ex again last night smile

Seriously, how do you not eat? Doesn't it make you reap ally bad tempered? I just wouldn't cope, but like I said, I am a bit of a greedy pig smile

Kyzordz Fri 21-Jun-13 21:48:01

Thanks for the lunch tips exbrighton I like the sound of vegetable fritters and I've been meaning to do eggy bread for ages!

I'll look into the finger food and river cottage books, thanks for the suggestions smile

jjj yes, I really only eat in the evenings, it's only recently I've eaten toast with ds, other than that I drink gallons of coffee all day usually!

Will he manage dried apricots? See I'm so paranoid things like that look like an ideal choking hazard to me! I daren't give him stuff like that but maybe I ought to. Is he too little for raisins still? I've given him peas but I popped them out of their shells first blush so I don't know if that counts!

Thanks for the advice about curry, was going to do tandoori tomorrow, was going to make it very very mild for ds and put a bit on some chicken but also offer plain chicken too in case he isn't keen. He loves strips of chicken, gets chunks off and really noms it! He gags sometimes but has always sorted it so far!

eggs you do very well IMO to sound so very calm, hope your dd picks up with her eating soon but either way it sounds like you're both keeping relaxed about it smile

eggsnbeans Thu 20-Jun-13 23:18:43

Ky, My DD is 42 weeks (I think) and still essentially eating nothing. smile On a good day she might have a couple of teaspoons at lunch and a couple of slices of pear, on average, a few things get sucked then thrown at me! So don't panic, your DS is doing great!

ExBrightonBell Thu 20-Jun-13 22:23:46

overcook the rice, not overlook it!

delasi Thu 20-Jun-13 22:13:47

Glad to see it's all going well smile

Just thought I'd add that we're quite lazy with everything veg. If it's fresh, eg sugar snaps, baby sweetcorn, courgette, we just take one/a chunk, microwave for about 30secs or less to steam it and it's done. I tend to drop it into cold water or run under the tap for about 10secs after to cool and keep it crunchy. We have some frozen veg too so I'll take out a broccoli floret or two and just do the same - quick micro, cold water, serve.

We've just started with curry (we eat a lot of it...) and we mixed the rice into the curry and pre-loaded a spoon. However he also grabs clumps from the plate (even if we have a spoon in front of him). I like ExBrightonBell's advice - I've been thinking about 'clumping' it somehow as when it cools it gets all stuck together, so it would be perfect for picking up.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 20-Jun-13 21:52:02

Appalling punctuation there sorry blush

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