Giving up the breast ... helpful ideas please

[Jen28]

My ds is now 14mts and gets a breastfeed 2 or 3 times a day. He is eating really well and drinking cows milk and having dairy products as well. He doesn't need it for nutrition. In my head I believe that the time has come to stop the breastfeeding completely. But he still relies on it for comfort, which I feel is actually making him unhappy, because if I am not there, he doesn't know where to get his comfort from. I feel it is a big emotional attachment to my baby and I really love our time together with him at my breast. (Although on other days when all he wants to do is stay attached liked a limpet I do feel a bit used.) So in my heart, I am happy to continue. But rationally I know all good things must come to an end. We also want another baby and I need to get my cycle back. He has always refused a dummy and a bottle and has shown no interest in sucking his thumb. But anyway, I don't want to replace the breast with these types of "sucking" since we will only be postponing the issue of giving it up. Any helpful ideas please?

[IlanaK]

Well, the gentlest method of weaning is "don't offer, don't refuse". You could try distraction. Also, if he feeds at specific times or in specific situations - like when you are sitting on the sofa etc, try to shake these things up a bit - avoid those situations for a while, or alter the timings of things so you are out and about etc. Wear clothing that is harder for him to penetrate. Keep as busy as possible. Offer some food or snack as an alternative when he wants to feed.

The WHO recommendations are still to breastfeed for a minimum of one year so it may be worth considering if you really want to give up. You sound a bit undecided in your post - almost as though you think you SHOULD give up because of his age. As to conception, 2 or 3 feeds a day will not necesasrily interupt your cycle. Perhaps you would be happier with just 2 feeds a day? Using some of the techniques described above, you may be able to limit it to the two?

HTH and well done for feeding him for 14 months.

[jinglybits]

ooh, i'm interested too jen! ds is 18mths and i'm making the fatal faux pas of breastfeeding him before a nap (if we are at home, otherwise he naps in his buggy) or at bedtime! have always done this, now i don't know how to stop! There is no one else around to put him to bed in the evening so it has to be me and he screaams and screams without feeding him and will not sleep (believe me! for hours! which i am so exhausted to deal with at the end of the day!) will also occassionally bf him if he is very upset, has bumped himself for example. oh dear, i know i'm doing it all wrong! how do i stop? will be watching the advice you get jen!

[Jen28]

I like the "don't offer, don't refuse" suggestion. We have been working on breaking the habitual feeding, like first thing in the morning and before nap and bed. For my husband it is (obviously!) much easier than for me. But I manage about 50% of the time and the other 50% I "give in". I have bought myself a couple of new (non-feeding) bras which don't open easily which I think I will have to start wearing more often so I make it harder and uncomfortable for me to get them out - just to get me to think twice and remember to employ other tactics. I really don't want to be breastfeeding in 2006. I really think he will be happier. He manages fine at nursery and when he is being looked after by his dad. But when I am looking after him he whinges and whines to be fed and we don't have as much fun as we could. Would really love to hear from more mums - I think this is an area that is much more complicated than giving up the bottle because of the emotional issues for the mother. Has anyone gone cold turkey? Or planned it in meticulous stages? Why is there so little written about the topic?

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[Jen28]

Jinglybits - do you still feed if he wakes up in the night?

[jinglybits]

ummmmm...yes jen i do

[moondog]

Pruni..lol!
I just withdrew a little (although with dd continued to give a morning and night feed for 30 months. She managed fine when it wasn't offered though.)

Try to avoid putting the babe in a ready to feed position as this seems to trigger Pavlovian response!

[jinglybits]

i too have regressed to my pregnancy bras which now fit again and don't easy open! I was still feeding him quite a lot until a couple of months ago so we have really cut down a lot. i really try to ignore the emotional pull to feed him at any other time other than sleep time and even at some naps i do manage to get him tpo sleep without, although this still involves me cuddling him to sleep, which can take up to an hpour and a half and really exasperate me! He no longer feeds to sleep as he will suckle a little and thenn roll over and sleep on his own accord and quite often i unlatch him and do not allow him a long feed which has also helped to cut down milk production!

[jinglybits]

lol pruni, but ds would probably find it hilarious and start up a conversation with them!

[Hattie05]

If you carry on as you are doing - avoiding the close cuddles, trying to distract rather than feed etc you will stop in the end.
I did the same, and dd had stopped altogether by the time she was two. I am happy with the fact we did it gradually and didn't have to have a distraught dd crying each night.
I think in the end feeds had got so infrequent that my milk dried up altogether, so dd decided it wasn't worth even trying anymore!

[Jen28]

DS just likes to play with my breasts - blowing raspberries, doing what I call "stunt nursing" which is kind of dive bombing on top of me with his mouth open if I am lying down and he tries to tweak the nipple of the one he is not sucking from by rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. He has just learned how to put his hand down my top. If he sees me with no top on, he is like an arrow for the boob. I joke with DH that we will have some good embarrassing stories when he is older! Didn't BFeed before bedtime at 7pm and so far he hasn't woken up. Fingers crossed we get to 7am with no nightwaking and no BFeeding!

[girlymomma]

this is a toughie as its hard to make the emotional commitment to wean.
my ds weaned himself at 14 months when offered a snazzy cup he could cruise around with - I actually felt rejected (sad I know).
DD wanted to bf at 23 months and I had to wean her then - cut feed right down then stopped.
DD needed to be bottle fed for my health but refused so bf until 9 months & have struggled with food ever since (never accepted bottle).
Latest addition (dd) is mixed feeding but is starting to refuse bottles from me having been happy to have odd one in past - I need to wean her before 6 months (again for my health) and am nervous she's getting emotioally attached to bf.
Given chance would bf as long as I wanted and baby wanted but it is'nt always that easy.
I'm hugely pro bf when anyone can but not convinced about extended bf advice - surely thats for the underdeveloped world where babies die from dirty water etc & bf usually safest nutrition?
think advice re distraction really good but you have to decide to aim to stop & stick at it.
have to remember that baby needs you for far more than breast feeding and having done it is great but fine to stop.

[Hattie05]

Jen, my dd does the nipple twiddling still (when she gets the chance) and she is nearly 3! I have concerns as to how much longer that can go on for

girlymomma - i didn't have any desire to breastfeed my dd as long as i did, and certainly had no concerns about my 'missing it' when we stopped. i bf dd until she was two because that just so happened that that was when it came to its end. Yes i think its important to 'help' your child a bit, once they get to that stage where comfort over rules hunger, using distraction techniques can help to 'cool' it down a bit. But i think the danger in setting an 'age limit' for wanting to stop can cause more emotional stress than necessary.
If you just go with the flow, and slow it down gently then things will happen at their natural pace.
I began avoiding cuddles, distracting attention away from boob etc at 15 months it took another 7 for it to actually stop though!

[Jen28]

I agree it's best to avoid cuddles, b/c he just puts his head down to the boob and I find it difficult to refuse. I had read in a book to give more cuddles to replace the closeness of BFeeding, but I would now disagree with that.

Update: it's Sunday morning and he slept from 7pm till 5.30am when he awoke screaming, so sent DH in to give a cuddle and he went back to sleep till 8am!! He had a beaker of cow's milk with breakfast and then my boobs were uncomfortable and he was having a little tantrum at about 9.30am, and so I fed him. I have my non-feeding bra on and we are going out for lunch, plus it's Sunday so DH is around and he can do the bedtime routine. So my goal is to get at least to bedtime without feeding.

[jinglybits]

well done jen! i have a bit of a cold now, and its times like this i wish i wasn't ds wasn't making constant attempts to maul me!!

[stephanie21]

hi there!my dd is 15 months and is still breastfed.she has cystic fibrosis so i guess that makes me feel guilty about wanting to stop.she feeds constantly throughout the day,usually about 5 times (i have to admit though i do let her have comfort feeds if shes upset,which i know was the wrong thing to start!!)and night times shes waking around 6 times for a quick suck,and then nods back to sleep.im just so tired all the time (i have 4 other children aswell)but im also worried that shes not getting enough from me,although i do think that the frequency is down to just her needing comfort.i really enjoy feeding her,but i just feel like a giant dummy!!(husband has looked for the ring in my back!!so i'd be really grateful of any advice anyone has to offer!!

[hewlettsdaughter]

The kellymom site is quite helpful on this topic - though I haven't successfully managed to stop feeding dd (19 months) yet...

(not that I think there's anything wrong with feeding an 19 month old - it's just I'd quite like to stop now!)

[IlanaK]

Sorry, just re-read my post from a few days ago and wanted to clarify that the WHO recommendations are to feed for a minimum of two years, not one as I had written before.

[jinglybits]

Ilana can you tell where i can read the WHO guidelines? just out of interest. i've searched on msn but no luck! thankyou

[Jen28]

Ok update on Sunday - we forgot to take some babyfood to the restaurant so by the time the food arrive he was starving and then we were still eating when it was time for his nap and we had gone in the car and hadn't taken the buggy ... he wouldn't settle from a cuddle so I let him have a suck and he fell asleep. He then had a huge nap very late in the afternoon and was not tired enough to settle at his usual 7pm and cried and cried, so I fed him. Ahh!! But he settled at 7.30pm and slept till 6.20am, sent in DH for the cuddle treatment and he slept till 7.00am when he came into bed with us and of course latched straight on. But he was at nursery today so that avoids the issue till he gets home. I personally find it easier to be strong during the night than during the day - I just tune out his fussing and snuggle back down under the duvet and let him settle himself. If he gets really upset, I send in DH. I know other people say to cut it out during the day first and then deal with the night, but I have found the opposite. He didn't start sleeping so well until I stopped BFeeding during the night. So I am still trying to focus on don't offer, don't refuse and avoiding putting temptation in his way.

[Jen28]

One week on and I have managed to avoid feeding during the day by using distraction. But still feeding first thing in the morning and late afternoon. DS now has (another) cough and cold so he is waking in the night and is wanting the breast. Still wanting to stop before the New Year, but won't push it while he is sick.

[Jen28]

Question: If any of you had a baby that self-weaned, was it associated with any other developments like walking, talking, giving up a nap time, going to nursery, learning to climb, sing, clap, new baby etc. etc.? Why do you think he/she lost interest?

Recognising that it must come to an end at some point just makes it seem all that much more pleasurable now while we are still doing it. Have been reading with interest the Tandem Feeding thread ... but in my head I don't want to go that direction.