Is it unusual that my ten year old has never been abroad?

(31 Posts)
rainbowriver Thu 03-Jan-13 15:30:30

We always have UK holidays, mainly as my husband doesn't want to go abroad and I am a stay at home mum so have to go where he wants to go and can afford.

We've always had lovely holidays, but my son is noticing that his friends have been to lots of different holidays but he hasn't.

I feel sorry for him now, should I feel pleased he has at least had a nice family holiday each year, or is he missing out.

MirandaWest Thu 03-Jan-13 15:32:57

My DC went abroad when they were younger (and we used credit cards and made a mess of finances). It's only been in the past couple of years that we've managed to go on holidays in this country again. I don't feel they are missing out in the slightest.

Does your son enjoy his holidays? My only wonder is that you're saying you stay in this country because your husband wants to - do you want to go abroad?

decktheballs Thu 03-Jan-13 15:35:38

Not unusual I don't think, my 47yo dh has never been abroad.
I took eldest two dc to euro Disney myself last year, perhaps you could go without him?

Lilymaid Thu 03-Jan-13 15:37:41

We didn't go abroad on holiday when we only had one income. We rented cottages in the UK and the DCs seemed to enjoy themselves. Now they are adult they don't reproach us for not going to Disneyland or for beach holidays (and they are now very experienced travellers who have lived abroad as well as holidaying abroad).

drivinmecrazy Thu 03-Jan-13 15:38:00

My DDs feel hard done by because they 'only' ever go to see Grandma. My Mum lives in a huge house on top of a hill, ten minutes from the beach, own huge swimming pool in Spain (and they go on average 6 week a year). They frequently complain they never go on holiday.

FreckledLeopard Thu 03-Jan-13 15:38:11

I would say that it's unusual, based on the people we mix with and the places they go to. I know of one child DD's age (11) who hasn't been abroad. Even a friend with DCs who has a total phobia of flying still drives to mainland Europe (France, Italy etc).

I think that there's a lot to be said for experiencing new languages, culture, food, travel. Doesn't have to be exotic or far-flung - Ireland, France, Spain are all easy to get to.

heidihole Thu 03-Jan-13 15:38:14

The only thing I find unusual is this line

I am a stay at home mum so have to go where he wants to go are you a second class citizen as you dont WOH?

rainbowriver Thu 03-Jan-13 15:38:53

Thanks for your reply. Yes he loves our holidays. We always have fun on the beach and do family things. I didn't go abroad until I was older so never went as a child, it is just his friends go abroad and he is different as has never been.

Yes I would love to take both children abroad for the experiece. Just makes me feel a bit guilty that they haven't been.

Mutt Thu 03-Jan-13 15:39:45

No idea what the statistics are but as long as you all enjoy your holidays it really shouldn't matter where they are. DS is 11 and has been abroad several times, as have the majority (if not all) of his friends.

I'm more concerned that you seem to think you have no say in where you all go because you are a stay at home mum.

shock

Officedepot Thu 03-Jan-13 15:40:25

I am 30 now and have never been abroad with my parents. When I was a kid holidays (if any) were limited to the UK. This was partly because my parents were not well off but also because they have never flown.

As a kid I felt really left out as my friends were all going to France, Spain, Disneyland etc. It did cause tension with my parents.

As soon as I was old enough (probably about 17/18) I started travelling abroad and now I am very well travelled indeed and have been to many weird and wonderful places that other people would not think of going.

So yeah I was annoyed about it as a kid but I have got over it now grin

Mutt Thu 03-Jan-13 15:41:19

Raid the bank account and take your son to France for the weekend.

The two of you will have a great time!

Mutt Thu 03-Jan-13 15:44:48

Going abroad thing is a great adventure. That's not to say you can't have adventures in this country but having the opportunity to experience different cultures, languages and foods is always exciting and broadens the mind.

Package holidays to places where children experience no more than they would from a week in Blackpool not so much.

rainbowriver Thu 03-Jan-13 15:45:04

Thanks all, I only say I have to go where he wants to go as he is the one paying. I can't make him book for and pay for a holiday he doesn't want to go on.

They are both interested in other languages and are learning French and Spanish so it's not that they're not interested in other cultures.

I do think in some ways they are better off having good family holidays here rather than some friends who go abroad, lay on the beach and put the kids in a club, though maybe some children like that?

I will just be thankful they are happy for now and hope one day we can all go abroad......

Mutt Thu 03-Jan-13 15:49:09

Just because you aren't earning doesn't mean you shouldn't have a say in where the family holidays.

Don't you get a say in what food you buy, what you do at weekends, other things the family spend money on?

You are only not bringing in a wage because you are employed bringing up your (that's you and your husband's) children.

Dromedary Thu 03-Jan-13 15:51:14

I wouldn't worry about it. There are loads of great places to go to in Britain. My children have rarely been abroad (and frankly the couple of freezing cold weekends taking the ferry from Dover were not much fun). Lots of people don't go abroad - can't afford it.
If you're going to do it at all, I would save it for the secondary school years. The difference in culture will mean more to the children at that age, and they can practise their languages.
My DD aged 10 has actually been abroad twice this year - but both times on her own (the first time with a group, and the second on an exchange visit to France). She is at an age where she has really appreciated it, and going without family has been a great experience for her too. And so cheap and convenient for me! Your DC will probably get the chance to go with his school soon.

Startail Thu 03-Jan-13 15:58:55

My DSIS was about 38, we never went abroad as a family.

I was 12, but went skiing with school.

DH went on lots of nice UK trips (we visited GPs)

I'm not sure he went abroad until he went on his own as a older teen.

Startail Thu 03-Jan-13 16:02:38

My two have been to the med, Germany and the states, but we are lucky to be able to afford it.

And I am making up for endless school holidays in Sheffield.

Parents had no money and DDad argued that we lived somewhere pretty and rural already.

That's true, lots of tourists came to us, but my DMum would have loved to go away. She had occasionally as a child and loved it.

StormyBrid Thu 03-Jan-13 16:03:44

I was 25 when I first went abroad. Family holidays as a kid were always camping. There just wasn't the money for foreign holidays. The only thing that bothered me was that my older sister went on two foreign exchange trips with school but my brother and I didn't, thanks to a decrease in family finances. So whether it's unusual or not to have never been abroad at age ten, I doubt it'll do your son any harm!

EuroShagmore Thu 03-Jan-13 16:04:29

I'm also pretty shocked that you don't get a say in family holidays!

I would say it is pretty unusual for a 10 yr old not to have been abroad, but all of my best holiday memories from childhood are actually of holidays here rather than abroad, so I don't think they are missing out.

Ephiny Thu 03-Jan-13 16:06:27

Does it matter whether it's usual or not, if it's what suits your family? I hadn't been abroad at that age either (actually I don't think I'd been on any holidays at all, we didn't start going away even within the UK until I was about 12/13).

I was a bit surprised by your SAHM comment too. If you have an single-earner/SAHM setup, surely the money is all family money? And things like planning holidays should be a joint decision? confused You sound very passive and disempowered.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Thu 03-Jan-13 16:06:35

I don't get why you see it as him paying.

Surely all money is joint money?

That's how it works here. I earn but the money is family money

babooshkadoll Fri 04-Jan-13 20:14:26

Our family holidays are taken in the uk.
Before DCs we went abroad 2-3 times a year .
We could easily afford to go abroad but we choose not to.
When they were young I could think of nothing worse then hauling them off abroad.
We have 3 or 4 Uk breaks a year I don't think my DCs are missing out on anything .Sometimes cottages, sometimes city apartment and lots of very nice hotels.....my DS 2 once told a friend he had never been in a hotel which was less than 4 star.Believe me they don't suffer.
We have been to lots of museums stately homes galleries castles etc.
Done a fair bit of adventure type holidays too.
As well as hazy beach days .
I certainly don't think the 10 year old friends of my DS ask to go abroad....I always get the impression their parents want the foreign holiday and the children are going...regardless.

malteserzz Sat 05-Jan-13 09:30:51

My 9 year old has been to lots of countries and absolutely loves travel. We are lucky enough to be able to afford it. Not all of his friends have been abroad so you're not that unusual
I earn much less than dh but still have equal say in where we go, it's quite sad that you don't

LadyMargolotta Sat 05-Jan-13 09:34:56

Where you go on a family holdiay should be a JOINT decision. It should not be up to him and only him to decide where you all go.

UK holdiays can be just as expensive as holidays abroad. Your dh needs to learn to listen to your feelings.

CambridgeBlue Sat 05-Jan-13 09:42:23

I have been wondering about this too as my DD (also 10) has never been abroad either although most of her friends have. I don't see it as a problem - we have a lovely holiday in the UK most years - but she has pointed it out so I guess it's something we should start thinking about. I didn't travel abroad apart from the odd school trip until I left home so it doesn't seem that much of a big deal to me.

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