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Historical abuse really triggering me and need to vent somewhere

(7 Posts)
Letdownbackthen Sat 26-Nov-16 19:30:11

The news about historical widespread abuse is really triggering me atm. I have no connection to the most recent stuff and I wasn't directly involved in the other cases that came out a few years back. I was however a troubled teenager in local authority care a few years before those girls experienced what they did.

I'm bloody angry with no place to put this, nobody wanted to know then and nobody wants to know now. I was just another "troublemaker" and "attention seeker" aged 14-17 in the eyes of the local authority and the children's home and in my thirties now I'm struggling with how bloody obvious everything was and how every darn worker must have been aware and yet nothing was being stopped! Nobody was even trying to stop it!

I should have been safe in the children's home - but the day I arrived there another girl told me about some kid being moved and a staff member being sacked for abusing them. But that was it, that was all that happened! There was no case - the police only JUST contacted someone I'm still in touch with to ask them about that. It's only NOW there is ANY interest in things that happened.

14 year old girls were known to be sleeping with much older men for drugs, these men were allowed to visit FGS they were written about in our notes, the workers knew their names, engaged them in conversation etc. And it seems utter madness now I'm an adult and only just really hits me - that all the people who should have cared - they fucking KNEW and nobody was blowing any bloody whistles and I didn't bat an eyelid either that they knew and did nothing it was just normal, because I am several years before the cases that have been in the news.

And my fucking social worker was who checked me into that bloody guest house!!!

The most bizarre thing of it all is that I somehow slipped through the net - I engaged in risky stuff but wasn't picked up by a grooming gang. However there were girls I lived with shagging much older men for drugs etc and it wasn't hidden in any fucking way

I'm gobsmacked as an adult after all this stuff in the news realising they all bloody knew and were virtually handing kids over because they just saw us as "troublemakers" and not as seriously vulnerable and damaged young people who were put in their care for protection

57968sp Sat 26-Nov-16 21:32:51

I hope you can move on from the betrayal you were all subjected to and nothing like this is ever allowed to happen again. Be strong and report everything you know. Those responsible must be identified and punished, not just those who were actively involved but also those who stood by and allowed the situation to continue.

Letdownbackthen Sat 26-Nov-16 22:30:01

This is where I feel so torn. I want to call someone and say "but you all fucking knew long before this happened" but who? And why?

I wasn't abused by a grooming gang, so why get involved in something I wasn't involved in - I feel like I'd be seen as interfering and troublemaking

But I want to yell at someone "you fucking set that up for that to happen! You handed them over! It didn't "just happen" the culture was set many years before those particular men took advantage of it.

I couldn't pay attention during the trial - I was at school with one of the abusers and actually friends with him back then, to know that he'd gone on to become THAT person was unbelievable to me and I was unable to accept it until they were sentenced. Still brainwashed maybe into it believing it being us (girls in care) that were the troublemakers

I don't know why something totally unrelated (although similar) has triggered me so much along with being told the police finally fucking asked some questions about something so many years later. I've been reading the serious case review finally and I'm so fucking angry. The reason it could happen was because that was the culture set at least ten years before!!! The girls in care were troublemakers and prostitutes in the eyes of social services and the police. THAT was the fucking norm!

And the bloody guest house? Social services were booking us in there ten years earlier so it was no bloody surprise to see it connected - ten fucking years. There's bound to be tons of girls, different men.

Yes there's been a problem with Asian grooming gangs. But the culture was bloody ripe for them to pluck from

WingsofNylon Sun 27-Nov-16 20:57:29

I feel so angry for you. I don't know who you could talk to but if you have information that could help maybe it is worth finding out who to tell.
You were all let down in the worst way. Being classed as trouble and not being listened to must have been so damaging.

Rand on here as much as you need.

Letdownbackthen Sun 27-Nov-16 22:15:31

I don't think I do have information that can help, it's all sort of been done now probably

it's not really my story to tell anymore as much as I want to yell and scream, the girls I knew are either going to be dead by now or they'll have probably given info that is relevant already if they wanted to. I chose not to keep in contact and moved out of the area as soon as I could.

I downloaded a book by one of the girls and read it last night, I feel such a sense of guilt that it was just accepted back then when girls sold themselves for drugs (in my time) you didn't think there was any story to tell - just troublemakers making bad choices. I do realise that's the narrative I was told

Im torn - some nice memories of lovely caring staff, some memories of disinterested authorities - it was always the same though - the story was never told as exploitation, it was told as girls making stupid choices

To think that attitude prevailed for so long is heartbreaking. Nobody understood by the time you ended up as disruptive as we were - there really wasn't much ability to make choices even if you believed you were able to make them, you couldn't really. You're fucked by then and everybody has basically reinforced that

I was incredibly lucky

JellyBelli Mon 28-Nov-16 15:43:53

They knew. They knew and they turned a blind eye.
In London they allowed celebrities access to children, with the full knowledge of Special forces bodyguards. Thats why Princess Diana styled herself the Queen of Hearts. They used code names based on a deck of cards.

Its a fucking disgrace. And its been swept under the carpet.

Letdownbackthen Wed 30-Nov-16 18:04:03

I can't quite get over the cover up/blind eye - still not sure if it was willful ignorance or intentional sadism somewhere higher up

I don't know anything about London??

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