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Pregnant and so sad about it. It's not good news.

(28 Posts)
Nerve Wed 23-Nov-16 17:54:47

I'm a mess. Just got a positive on a pregnancy test and I'm heartbroken. It's not a good thing. I can't even remember the last time I had sex so no idea how far along I am.

So I've got this horrible secret and no one to talk to about it.

Continuing the pregnancy is such a bad idea. I'm just getting my life back on track after my son was born almost 6 years ago. Finally free from crippling depression, am getting healthy again, have a job I enjoy. My OH is struggling with depression and does not want another baby. I can't see anything positive about this. That makes me feel so awful and so sad.

We have no family or friends to support us. I would have to give up my job. I'm so afraid of suffering from PND again.

I just told my OH and he has to go to work and worry about it all night.

I had a drink on Monday. I've not been eating very healthily either.

mumonashoestring Wed 23-Nov-16 17:57:38

Oh you poor darling! You can talk about it on here, if anyone's judgemental they'll soon be slapped down.

First steps, one thing at a time - you need to find the strength/time to make a GP or midwife appt and find out how far along you are and what your options are, and you DO have options.

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 23-Nov-16 18:03:37

flowers

Gosh what a shock for you both.

Agree the first step is definitely the Dr. They need to find out how far along you are.

Don't hold back either. Make sure you inform them about your mental health and your concerns etc.

Do you have a friend or someone you can trust take with you for some support?

Don't be afraid to make the choice that's right for you. It's your body and your choice flowers

57968sp Wed 23-Nov-16 18:33:46

You have decisions to make and the sooner you do it the better. Please do what is best for you and those you already have responsibility towards. If one more is too much to cope with then you have a clear cut choice.
Big hug for you, hope you get the support you need.

Nerve Wed 23-Nov-16 18:38:26

It's just me, OH & our son. No one else, really. I definitely could NOT tell my mother, the shame would be too much.

Do I have to see my GP first? Or could I just make an appointment with BPAS straight away?

I am ashamed. I'm awful.

Abortion is definitely the right choice. I think. I don't see how I would cope with another baby. My son's babyhood was a terrible time. My PND was horrific and only this year have I really recovered from it.

My OH suffered terribly and is still struggling.

I'm not a very good mother. I find DS so difficult and challenging a lot of the time.

katonic Wed 23-Nov-16 18:52:22

Don't feel ashamed or awful. It's your life and your body and your priority must be the people who already exist in this situation, namely you, your OH and your DS.
Your GP will not judge you, terminating a pregnancy is a sensible response when bringing a baby into a situation would just make everything worse. I wasn't asked any questions, my decision was respected, and it was a very straightforward procedure.
Bear in mind this pregnancy might be one of the high percentage that do not result in a viable baby anyway. Don't feel guilty, an unwanted pregnancy should not hang over you for the rest of your life. Concentrate on your family's mental health and continuing with the progress you have made. flowers it's a challenge to face it but it will get better, get to your GP asap

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 23-Nov-16 18:52:38

Do NOT be ashamed!!! Accidents happen!

And your not a bad Mother!!! A bad Mother wouldn't be so highly aware of trying to keep herself mentally and physically healthy to look after her son nor would she admit she wouldn't cope with another baby!!!

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You and your partner went through a tough time, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Either of you flowers

amysmummy12345 Wed 23-Nov-16 18:55:02

flowers do what's right for you and your family OP

Thatwaslulu Wed 23-Nov-16 18:57:35

I don't know if things have changed, but when I had an abortion I had to be referred by my GP as two doctors had to sign off on it, but this was nearly 20 years ago so maybe you can go straight to BPAS.

flowers

Backingvocals Wed 23-Nov-16 19:01:29

Do not be ashamed. Be proud that you know how to protect yourself and your family from something you cannot cope with. I went straight to Marie Stopes for my tfmr at 16 weeks. I dont know if that is still what you do as this was over a decade ago.

Im sorry you are going through this and bon courage, whatever you decide.

MooPointCowsOpinion Wed 23-Nov-16 19:06:54

Do not be ashamed. Accidental pregnancies happen all the time, and going to term should not be considered the only recourse when that happens.

If I accidentally got pregnant now or any time in the future I would have an abortion, and I don't have anything like your history with PND. Your child and partner need you to be well. Having another pregnancy/child is not the right thing for your family and that's fine. flowers

mumonashoestring Wed 23-Nov-16 19:26:27

You've nothing to be ashamed of - and as for not being a good mother, you're putting your DS's happiness and quality of life right up there with yours when making a really tough choice. That's a fantastic mother.

You can go straight to BPAS if you prefer to, your GP doesn't have to be involved, and BPAS won't contact your GP without your permission. They have a 'clinic finder' on their website and a 24/7 phone line that you can call.

Geretrude Wed 23-Nov-16 19:32:12

Nothing gone ashamed of at all. Call bpas or Marie stopes and you can see 2 doctors there.

Unless you are 6 months pregnant, you can have a termination as your right.

I'm so sorry. It's a shit situation to be in sadflowers

DustOffYourHighestHopes Wed 23-Nov-16 19:38:55

Don't be ashamed. Call bpas directly and explain everything.

I cried and cried on the phone. They were so kind (which made me cry more) and guided me through everything.

The actual termination was emotionally challenging but physically okay.

DustOffYourHighestHopes Wed 23-Nov-16 19:39:47

I put my health, my relationship with dp, my relationships with and between my other children first. I am ashamed of being careless but not ashamed for my subsequent decision.

ChickenLicken22 Wed 23-Nov-16 19:51:37

BPas were very good. I made an appointment with them directly. You can access counselling though then too, pre and post if you need.

Ultimately I chose to keep baby but I was so glad the choice was there. They were completely non judgemental.

ByeByeLilSebastian Wed 23-Nov-16 19:56:01

Sorry you are in this position OP, but please don't feel ashamed.
You really can't put off finding out how far along you are if you do want an abortion. The sooner you find out the better.

Do you have anyone else in RL you can chat too? If not you can chat here. We all understand that life rarely goes how you planned it.

Thurlow Wed 23-Nov-16 20:02:38

Don't ever, ever feel ashamed. These things happen - yes, life would be nicer if they didn't, but sadly they do.

See your GP and they will refer you to whoever does abortions in your area. It took less than a week to have my abortion, everything went very smoothly. There's plenty of counselling on offer if you feel you need it.

There's a pregnancy choices board too which has lots of helpful advice about different choices and procedures if you want to have a look x

pklme Wed 23-Nov-16 20:34:21

Don't worry about what you have eaten and drunk while you were unaware of your pregnancy. You do need to talk it thoroughly through before deciding this. Your concern about your diet suggests you are worried about the health of your pregnancy. When you have decided, accept the decision and don't let yourself keep rehearsing it. You have every right to make a decision which works for you and your family, guilt free.

Nerve Wed 23-Nov-16 22:20:17

My PND was so bad. I barely survived. That was with my family around to help me as well. This time I'd only have my OH and I know that if he gets depressed again he'll not be able to support me in any way. Our relationship would completely breakdown.

A little part of me keeps thinking that maybe I could do it and everything would be fine this time around. sad If I get treatment from the beginning. I think my current GP would be willing to help me more than my last one. If I started getting sick again like last time I'd know what I was looking for, wouldn't let anyone tell me it was just normal baby blues.

I've worked out with a period tracker app that my last period ended on 25/10. So I had sex between then and 1/11 which means I'm not very far along at all?

I have PCOS and my periods are all over the place so I didn't expect for a second that the test would be positive. I've been feeling sick every morning for the past week, I've been exhausted and I had prawns and a tin of tuna for my lunch today, 2 things I'd never normally eat, so my co-worker jokingly said maybe I was pregnant and so I did a test just to reassure myself I wasn't...

I keep putting BPAS number in my phone but not pressing dial. I just want to go to bed and pretend this is not happening right now. I won't though. I know what I've got to do and I know it's the right thing. Your comments are keeping me strong so thank you.

pklme Wed 23-Nov-16 23:06:30

Stay strong and know you are making a thoroughly informed, well considered decision.

LadyOfTheCanyon Fri 25-Nov-16 22:13:45

I went straight to a clinic when I had an abortion and saw all the relevant doctors there. It was absolutely the right thing to do - for me- as I couldn't have gone through a pregnancy alone and with an uninterested partner. You HAVE to think of yourself and how you would cope. It sounds like you know what is best for you flowers

capercaillie Fri 25-Nov-16 22:16:43

You're not alone. You have to consider what is right for you and your health. BPAS have been great to me - very reassuring and helpful. It sounds like you're early enough that you have lots of options.

Nerve Sat 26-Nov-16 12:36:20

I phoned BPAS but they only deal with late term abortions in my area so now I have to wait until Monday to make an appointment with my GP for a referral elsewhere or pay £425 that I don't have to get it done on 1st December. I need it done before christmas. I was really looking forward to christmas this year.

I don't want to do it though. I don't want an abortion. I want to keep this baby. But I don't have a choice, do I? OH will leave me if I keep it. All he keeps saying is what a terrible, horrible thing it would be to have another baby.

There's no guarantee I'll get sick again. My GP and midwife would know all of my history. If I do then I'll know what to do, I'll get treatment from the very beginning.

After maternity leave I could go back to my job 2 days a week.

I keep trying to think of ways that I'll be able to manage it this time around. It's making the whole thing so much worse. I feel like I could do it.

Nerve Sat 26-Nov-16 12:37:13

It's probably just hormones though isn't it? I feel happy when I think about keeping it.

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