Threads in this topic will auto-delete 30 days after the OP is posted.

Should I give MIL house keys?

(47 Posts)
Feefeefs Mon 14-Nov-16 12:38:52

36 weeks pregnant, moved into new house 3 weeks ago. PIL have been extremely helpful with the move. This is the first grandchild and MIL is aware that at times she is overly excited and tries to dampen it down. However there have been times where she has overstepped the line calling it "our baby" etc.

Although we broadly get alone there are basic communication difficulties, she wears hearing aids and finds my accent strong and hard to understand at times. Makes it hard to "chat" at times especially if she is very excited or there's other people around. I am more quiet and reserved by nature.

I really want our relationship to be good and DH is very supportive and usually sides with me if there is an issue. However she keeps dropping hints about wanting keys to our house, one hint was that FIL could have come round and fixed a light at some point and if he had keys he could have just come whenever, wouldn't have had to worry about me being asleep or anything? hmm

I have bad spd so fairly immobile And generally in. I don't see why keys are nessecary? What do you think should I give them keys or not?

GreenAndWinter Mon 14-Nov-16 12:42:38

Don't do it.

Give your spare keys to trusted friends and then explain that you haven't got any spares.

She has already told you that FIL might come when you are sleeping / breastfeeding / wandering around in your undies at 11am after a sleepless night.

You would be utterly mad give her a key.

SmallBee Mon 14-Nov-16 12:44:03

Hell no. For all the reasons above.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Mon 14-Nov-16 12:45:59

Fuck, no.

My parents had keys when we first moved

Luckily I know how to change a lock...

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 14-Nov-16 12:47:50

A thousand times no. No good would come of it.

lightcola Mon 14-Nov-16 12:49:18

Nope. Not if you don't want to. It will end badly. I get on great with my MIL but I still wouldn't give her a key

BertrandRussell Mon 14-Nov-16 12:51:51

I probably wouldn't.

But don't panic about "our baby"- the baby is part of a family so of course it's "our baby"!

ALongTimeComing Mon 14-Nov-16 12:52:06

No no no no no no no

And be prepared to defend your opinions and space as soon as baby gets here

AnthonyPandy Mon 14-Nov-16 12:52:32

No no no no no.

But on the other hand, it would make for some fantastic AIBUs, so on second thoughts, yes, give her a key. Otherwise you are just a typically rude dil.

Mwah ha ha!

Leopard12 Mon 14-Nov-16 12:52:48

If they need to go round for a specific thing while your out or resting maybe leave a key in a safeish place, plant pot, shoe in porch etc then it's on your terms and can be a one off, personally I would hate the thought of anyone expect dh coming in whilst I was asleep! Saying that a key kept with someone else can be useful especially if your door locks on closing incase you ever get locked out or there's an emergency and your at work or on holiday but that depends if you trust them not to abuse it.

aforestgrewandgrew Mon 14-Nov-16 12:54:09

No! Getting them back off her if it all goes wrong (which it certainly has the potential to) will be a zillion times worse than simply not letting her have them in the first place.

MrsArthurShappey Mon 14-Nov-16 12:54:22


Butterpuff Mon 14-Nov-16 12:55:24


Parents and MIL both have a spare back door key. But both very kindly use them in an emergency only. If we thought they would be letting themselves in whenever to be 'useful' we would change the locks.

HummusForBreakfast Mon 14-Nov-16 12:56:08

Both my parents and PIL havevrge keys of our house.
However, this is wuth the understanding that it is fur emergencies and none of them would ever dream to just turn up unannounced, even if it's to help iyswim.
I would have an issue with giving keys away and then never feeling relaxed in my own house because I would never know when they would turn up (e.g. If you are still in pjs at 12.00pm or sleeping etc)

DramaInPyjamas Mon 14-Nov-16 12:56:59

Don't do it if your not comfortable with it
but don't let her wear you down into agreeing if she keeps on asking and hinting, stick to your original answer.

LottieL Mon 14-Nov-16 12:58:58

My MIL has keys to my home and calls the baby "our baby" all the time - i will be glad of her being able to let herself in when the baby is born or let me in the house if my keys go missing, and my daughter is being born into a family so "our baby" is totally appropriate.

BackforGood Mon 14-Nov-16 13:01:22

Only you and dh can know if it's a good idea or not.
When they were alive my parents had keys to my house, so I knew where there was a spare set if we ever locked ourselves out, but they wouldn't dream of using them other than in an emergency. In both mine and dh's families, everyone has always left a spare set with someone. Now we leave them with our lovely neighbours, but that will depend on your relationship with them.

PS "Our baby" is hardly crossing a line unless you have a line in a funny place. Many grandparents will talk about a new baby coming in to the family as "ours", because it is a new baby coming in to "our" family.

LookingGoodForTheLassies Mon 14-Nov-16 13:05:43

No chance.

Cucumber5 Mon 14-Nov-16 13:07:48

It depends. If they are going to let themselves into your house willy nilly then no. If they are going to have a spare set and come at agreed times, then yes.

ImSoUnoriginal Mon 14-Nov-16 13:16:31

Nope, most definitely not. For the same reasons everyone else has mentioned.

Sosidges Mon 14-Nov-16 13:49:23

I am a MiL who has keys to the house for childcare purposes. I only use the key for school pickups, and would not let myself Into their house under any other circumstances. In your case I would say do not even lend them the key. A friend of mine gave her Mum the key whe a repair man was due. The next time she needed her, she said, OH dont worry about the keys, I had a spare set cut.

Butterpuff Mon 14-Nov-16 13:53:27

With the our baby it rather depends on if the OP determines our to mean the whole family, or the PIL as a unit. My MIL frequently referred to our new baby as 'my baby' "you look after my baby properly now wont you?" "Don't be doing xyz with my baby" "of course he will be perfect, he'll be mine wont he?" drove me nuts as an expectant and new mum. Now I assume she's just enthusiastic (which is great) and shit at communication (which is less great) so doesn't realize that the way she expresses her enthusiasm gets under the skin of everyone around her.

domesticslattern Mon 14-Nov-16 13:57:46

Fuck no.

OzzieFem Mon 14-Nov-16 13:59:54


Batteriesallgone Mon 14-Nov-16 14:00:10

No don't.

She has basically said your FIL would be happy to let himself in while you are asleep. I can't imagine anything creepier than waking up to the sound of someone moving around in the house when I know DH is at work.

PIL have the keys to our house but then they are sensible people.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now