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Turning feelings off

(16 Posts)
RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 07:22:06

I have a massive crush on someone at work. I don't think he feels the same way. Regardless, we are both married so nothing will / should come of it. This weekend I have given myself a good talking to, blocked him on Facebook and deleted all old (friendly only) texts. Have resolved to be professional and friendly only and only contact for work related matters. Will see him on Thursday so have a few days to get my head straight. Any tips? <<Awaits flaming...>>

RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 07:23:48

Name changed for this but am regular (although newish) poster.

Kr1stina Mon 19-Sep-16 07:28:14

Why would you be flamed ? Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are .

You ARE in control of your actions and your have acted sensibly . Just go on doing that and the feelings will gradually change when they are not being fed.

Kr1stina Mon 19-Sep-16 07:29:50

In your situation I would aim for polite professional interactions only and avoid " friendly ".

RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 07:34:19

Thank you! I read a few threads where people had confessed to crushes over the weekend - there was flaming! Ok, will be less friendly. That will be an obvious change though as we were friends, work friends anyway, but then I started having thoughts which are definitely not just friendly so we can't be friends anymore I don't think.

Kr1stina Mon 19-Sep-16 07:44:14

When some people talk about " crushes " , they actually mean an emotional affair . Someone who is supposedly a friend but they text / message all night,make phone calls out of work , talk about intimate details of their marriages and how unhappy they are and hide the nature of the relationship from their spouses.

I assumed that what you meant was that you had developed feelings for a colleague with whom you just have a normal working relationship. I think that happens to most married people at one time or another . It's how you handle it that matters .

RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 07:47:45

Definitely not an emotional affair. Happy in marriage. Phew. Will hope feelings just go away then.

Kr1stina Mon 19-Sep-16 07:53:22

They will in time if you don't feed them. You need to distract yourself when you start to fantasise about him and be really honest without yourself about work interactions .

Finding someone else attractive doesn't make you a bad person, you are married not dead.

RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 09:57:44

Yes, last time I checked I still had a pulse smile

Kr1stina Mon 19-Sep-16 11:37:57

Ah but is it fluttering today in the office ? wink

RainbowBriteRules Mon 19-Sep-16 11:46:56

Ha! I don't work Mondays. Trying to repress thoughts to stop fluttering while at home it is not working

Foslady Tue 20-Sep-16 09:08:36

Whenever I've had that I imagine what it'd be really like - or find a feature that irritates me (one guy I really liked never shaved his neck out - shallow but did the job!!!)

gamerchick Tue 20-Sep-16 09:12:04

I agree just don't feed it. It goes eventually. There's no reason to mention it to anyone and especially to him.

Personally I like a good crush, it means its easy to stick to a diet wink

RainbowBriteRules Tue 20-Sep-16 16:19:00

Thanks all, gamer, yes there are definite advantages smile. Think it has thrown me because I've been married for years and of course have found other men attractive but never had such detailed thoughts about any of them blush.

gamerchick Tue 20-Sep-16 18:23:04

If its really bothering you put in some serious bonding time with your dude. Naked cuddles in a warm room put off sex until you cant help yourself type of thing. Get the oxytocin going.

RainbowBriteRules Tue 20-Sep-16 18:28:35

I will jump DH later grin

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