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Do i ignore dh being a weekend arsehole?

(17 Posts)
Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 17:35:00

We have dd (3 weeks old) and ds (4 years old). I am suspecting it's just tiredness but the last 2 weekends it's like I have been walking on egg shells. He snaps and shouts at me or ds and then apologises straight away. Today he went upstairs and slammed the door I asked if he was OK and he said he just wants time to himself and went off on one because i was hassling him. ( i was juat checking he was ok) although I suspect it was time away from me he wantef but I don't know why. He has been snapping at me all weekend to the point I am now sitting in the bathroom crying as I am sick of the tension. I am sorry I don't think I have explained this very well but I will be happy to clarify any unclear parts.

AndShesGone Sun 18-Sep-16 17:37:43

It sounds like there's something wrong?

Lost his job? Work stress? Cheated? sad

The snapping and apologising sounds like he really can't cope

AndShesGone Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:33

Sorry, I've just seen you've a 3 week old. He might feel under pressure and can't articulate it.

Gazelda Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:41

You're probably both completely exhausted. But that is no excuse to be so snappy at you.
When he's calmed down, or in a better mood, tell him it's unfair for him to take his bad mood out on you. Suggest you each take an hour to yourself, doing something you enjoy. Walk, gym, pub, coffee shop, whatever. You both need space, but also need to be on each others' side - not grumpy and causing tension for the whole family.

Buzzardbird Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:46

Don't pander to him, you have enough on your plate.

Tell him if he can't act respectfully around you and the children then he can go and spend his weekends somewhere else. If he wants to talk to you about what is stressing you out, then you are all ears, but there is no need to treat you the way he is.

AnyFucker Sun 18-Sep-16 17:39:04

Only if you are ok with being treated like shit.

he might be tired but so what ? I expect you are too. Do you behave like this or do you manage to keep a modicum of decent respect ?

Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 17:40:37

Stress might be more than likely, it's getting to the point were everyone looks forward to a weekend with there family. I am expecting arguments and a horrible atmosphere.

Castleonacloud Sun 18-Sep-16 17:42:51

Does he have a history of this behaviour?

Could he be feeling guilty?

Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 17:44:30

I have had 2 weeks trying to recover from the birth and stitches and last weekend felt loads better and now I have a bloody cold. I understand he's tired but enough is enough I don't want ds to be upset because of him being a child. I don't behave the way he does but I have been quiet with him most of the day because of it.

tribpot Sun 18-Sep-16 17:46:37

Shouldn't he be taking ds out at the weekend, so he has some one-on-one time with a parent and you have a chance to nap?

Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 17:47:21

castle nope no history when I was recovering he did most of the night time feeds to help me get better and I am guessing was very tired at this point and still no signs. Maybe it's just too much tiredness as it's almost week 4.

DixieWishbone Sun 18-Sep-16 17:49:29

It sounds like a combination of sleep deprivation and stress to me. Can you arrange things so you each get a couple of nights of undisturbed sleep a week? If you are breastfeeding that probably won't be possible for you though.

foursillybeans Sun 18-Sep-16 17:55:18

I think some people struggle with sleep deprivation or just interrupted sleep (if it's actually you doing the feeds) worse than others. I managed ok but my DH can't cope. I have a cousin who's partner is the same. Also not everyone copes with change or adjustment as well as others. It's tough on you but it could be all it is. Are you feeling ok? Could you cope ok if you sent your DH out for a few hours alone? Sometimes easier than having a moody person around in truth. Could you let him go do something he wants or likes or see a friend for a day/half a day? If not could he go out and do something for you like a big shop at a quiet time or even give him a shopping list like babygros, etc so it's not stressful for him but will give him a good few hours off, encourage him to stop for a coffee / lunch, etc.
Otherwise what about saying your 4 yr old needs a day out and send them to a theme park or somewhere really fun for a whole day?

foursillybeans Sun 18-Sep-16 17:57:28

Also could you go and spend a day with a family member to give him a day off sleep and rest? Somewhere you would get a rest too and an extra pair of hands.

leaveittothediva Sun 18-Sep-16 18:04:31

Completely ignore him. Give him picture with no sound. Keep in your mind that you are not interested in anything he has to say, before giving you an apology and an explanation for the last two weekends being a douchebag.

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 18-Sep-16 18:10:18

I'm presuming it's the lack of sleep, it really can tip you over the edge. But, what he needs to remember is that you are tired too and you have a cold and only gave birth 3 bloody weeks ago.He is behaving like your third child, I remember my Oh behaving similarly on the bad sleeping nights and I just let him rest, I also made sure he eat lots of good food to keep his energy levels high.My tiredness went out of the window, I just had to muddle through.He now denies doing this, years down the line, but he did.

Lookinatu Sun 18-Sep-16 19:08:57

Thank you everyone I think he needs his own life besides us. He doesn't have any friends or hobbies so I think his life is around us and he needs a break from it. I think I am going to have a word with him when ds is a sleep.

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