A big decision re pony may be looming. Z

(32 Posts)
sugar4eva Fri 25-Oct-13 09:23:09

Hi . Our dd has loved ponies and horses forever and we loaned since she was four , then owned last few years. We made mistake with first pony and struggled and we got our pony in June . We can only afford a certain price ; we see lots of expensive ponies around with beautiful horse boxes etc; we are the one with the hanging together four track; non of that we mind ; I'm just setting the schene and explaining that as you can only get so much for your money normally we have compromised on our pony , ability and fun but very twitchy on ground , rear buck unless riden 6 or 7 times a week . Love her she beautiful to look at , good paces,brave.loves to work.when we first got her did vertical rear and I think due to her nerves and twitchy temperament she will remain a bit unpredictable , eg at show last week a door of practice Arena banged as stormy she threw massive buck , dd not expecting and thrown but fine. This pony has been passed from pillar to post but follows dd round in Arena loose .
So : we are starting to feel the financial pinch. Dd gas started showing : loves it. We gave worked out our monthly cost is at least £ 300; stables , 130:lessons at least £ 100,insurance for trailer pony etc, cost travel to show and entry fees,then on top there is going to be bedding and food as they have to come in next month.
This week we can on
ly afford a few pounds till pay day and have v little food in and tho we love horses we are clearly living beyond our means.we have another teen who is compromised by this and sometimes says he hates horses ; he knows the family are affected. Our plan was to keep going until dd can get a job at 16 and in 6 form to contribute . We do try to hide some of the stress we are under financially from dd and ds but its simply evident when we have to say no we can't do so and so..several friends gave hinted that it unfair than we fund one child's and mine passion at expense of others in house especially as ds due to go uni in couple of years and no way could we help. Dd spoke to me last night and said she is aware of this situation and wonders if she should give up as she realises that thus is restricting the whole family and if she has a pony her reason is v goal centred ie competing and she knows this only means more costs . She said she has thought about doing after school sport and getting into teams; she loves to compete . The problem is that she cannot imagine what it's like not to have a pony Around and we can't rely test it out. I imagine a part loan would be a good co promise in all this .. If we can find an experienced rider who can ride her thro here exited or nervous disposition and associated behevoiur. We wd need a light small Adult teen who has a quiet confident disposition with some bravery. Once our pony trusts you she will go for it but its getting past the bucks for eg
This is such a difficult thing . Whilst I don't mind eating cheap food , not have heating on etc : am.
ware lots horsey folk wd do same to keep horse ; am feeling increasingly uncomfortBle at compromising dh and ds in order to do so . Am aware that ds will be going to uni in two years and may regret never having taken him out for meals etc and then he will be gone. I'm wondering if dd could find another passion but am aware selling could be a huge regret. Our plan was to hold on for a year and a bit so she could help fund via a weekend job or similar.
Anyone else faced this? Sorry about typing ; on phone !

elastamum Fri 25-Oct-13 21:57:53

I think to be fair you do have to balence the needs of both your children, My DS2 was mad about a sport and competing at national level until about a year ago, TBH it was a relief when he decided he didnt want to compete any more as our life was being run round it and DS1 was being left out.

With horses, only I am interested - and we still have 2!

mrslaughan Fri 25-Oct-13 23:01:37

I think something has to give - and to be frank education is more important than a pony.....having said that there are probably plenty of kids whose parents don't fund uni education.

If you can't bear to part with Dpony I would be looking at ways to reduce costs....ie pony living where there is not an arena.....
Finding a sharer (I am a sharer myself and it can work, just make sure what you want form the sharer aligns with what they want)
or look at working livery - though that would be tricky with a tricky pony...

reduce lessons...join pony club, all very good suggestions.

As I said I share....my DS (and DD too) would love a pony, but at the moment we don't know if that is financially sustainable in the long term, and it won't happen until we know it is.

sugar4eva Fri 25-Oct-13 23:03:39

Elastase mum ; that has rang bells with me ; much focus in an all consuming passion , time, planning , money , part of us may be relived but I don't want to rob her off her passion. Tonight however she has said she mite like to have the chance to go into town with others and has asked if her commitment s have isolated her from others; I think that we need to think carefully and take time. I feel so guilty have focused on one child so much but shows do take time effort planning and money . My ds plays county level sport but dh goes with and it's seasonal only. It's easy to say the pony needs shoes but recently my teen ds has said he needs things when he has no been untreated before. It's i treating that you say you felt relief . Part of me can relate to that but I Also fear taking away a passion. I think we may try to part Liam first and have looked on local ride club sites and there are better more predictable ponies avaloable for free ! Maybe my dd could think bout that. I must admit this is hard for me too as I adore our pony and most ponies!

sugar4eva Fri 25-Oct-13 23:10:32

Mrslaughan, I know what you mean re education but I wd like to be in a position to act as support even if its just being able to help ds out sometimes. I think the costs of the pony have just built and built and its now time to review. As I said I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable letting one child event then in truth having to buy cheaper food for family or make ds wait for something he needs( which is good but not a kit if the time!) I t is not favouritism but rather horse fees are not negotiable and my dh needed shoes and so did the horse and guess who hit shoes. ! Think a re think is needed. Trouble is I so love horses and logic can sometimes leave me in this respect !

sugar4eva Fri 25-Oct-13 23:11:45

I also think life is too short not to follow your dreams ! But if they are starting to impact on family ....

Altamoda Sat 26-Oct-13 05:35:25

Our ponies live out in a field with no school. We hack and do pony club. Dd1 is currently at the schools sj champs at Addington. I only say this to show that actually it is possible to get by with no school. Do you think your dd is ready to step back a bit? I think if mine started to say she'd like to go into town with mates instead of riding I would think 'uh oh' as she is so 110 percent committed.

I can relate to what you are saying. It is so unbelievably tough financially. We are 'lucky' in that all of my children are obsessed - middle child probably less, she's the one who'd like a shopping trip or theatre visit occasionally!

bronya Mon 04-Nov-13 21:30:49

Perhaps you could sell yours, then part-loan/share a different pony? For around £100 a month you could get 3 days a week of riding, chances to compete, no unexpected costs and a safer, easier ride.

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