Scared of over-horsing DD

(34 Posts)
frenchfancy Thu 05-Sep-13 22:08:10

So the search for a new horse continues (the one eyed one having been ruled out, along with several others we have seen).

Today we saw a beautiful mare, bigger than our original search at 16H2 Originally looking at 15H-16H. A good age for us at 12, well schooled, could do everything we want (and more) and she was a lovely ride. I am quite a nervous rider and i wasn't scared at all despite being used to our 14H2 mare. But she is a cross between a norman cob and a French trotter (don't know what that is in English so she is a big girl. She would be ideal if it were just for me and DH, but we share with DD (12). She has been riding for 7 years and is much better than I am. But is this mare too big?

She didn't come with us today, but we are going back on Saturday for her to try it. Am I mad to even consider it? She really is lovely, very calm but not a plod at all. We still have our mare, she has gone into retirement, but even after 5 days in her new home she is much better, so DD can hopefully still hack out on her so she would only be riding the new one in class and in the carriere. We'll have to buy a horse box so we can get the 2 together for hacks.

Booboostoo Mon 09-Sep-13 18:53:24

That's great, congratulations!

SlowlorisIncognito Mon 09-Sep-13 19:03:46

Congratulations!

I am a little worried your instructor seems to be pushing DD towards something that could really wreck her confidence. Is your instructor the best match for your DD where she is currently? Does your instructor have any links with the dealer?

As Booboo says, there is plenty she can get out of this horse, in terms of learning how to improve her way of going, and the horse being a confidence giver. In 18 months, she may have developed a passion for dressage, or want to go cross country, but equally on the wrong horse she could completely lose confidence and never want to ride again.

Pixel Mon 09-Sep-13 19:18:07

I'm so glad you are getting her, I must admit I had the same thoughts as slowloris about the instructor, she doesn't seem to realise how fragile confidence is and how hard it is to get back.

DENMAN03 Mon 09-Sep-13 20:23:02

I think you have made a very sensible decision! A lose of confidence can be very hard to get back and the horse looked very good for that. To be honest, I think your instructor was wrong. If your daughter has the talent she will get a tune out of any horse so to say it wont be enough for her in a year is rather a strange thing to say. Jumping 1.10 courses takes a fair degree of skill after all. I think the horse looks lovely..have fun with her!

frenchfancy Tue 10-Sep-13 06:48:00

Thanks, I can't tell you how much it means to me to have a second opinion. I wish I could have taken you all with me smile

I've posted before about the instructor, he is a very good teacher, and is exceptional with horses, but he doesn't really understand the confidence thing. He trained in the army, and has a son (no daughters). I don't think he understands just how emotional it can be if you get scared. DD broke her wrist while jumping about a year ago, then just after she had got her confidence back she went out to jump a round at the stables open day, and fell at the first jump. She got back on and jumped a clear round but it knocked her back again.

The instructor is a one man band, it is his stables. Nearest alternative livery is 20 mile away. He is also part of our social circle so it would be difficult to separate from him. I just need to learn when to go with my gut feel.

New girl arrives Thursday.

mrslaughan Tue 10-Sep-13 07:33:15

Oh I remember now - you were concerned about pony getting strong over jumps - he thought that was good, we were all saying no you still need control.
Sometimes there are great instructor who just don't get certain things.
So pleased you went with your gut.

Better under than over horsed every time - as you say confidence is easily lost and hard to get back. I had a very pretty Welsh x Arab as a child and it took off with me on several occasions and frightened the life out of me. It was sold and I was put on a Section C Cob who was slow, laid back and reliable - it took about 6 months before I felt capable of riding anything with more go. She looks and sounds great, riding is meant to be fun, and if you can all share one horse then you should have that. Good luck, look forward to hearing more about her!

Ehhn Tue 10-Sep-13 08:08:36

Seen vid- agree absolutely with boo's comments. definitely not over horsing- if anything under horsing - but that is a v good thing if your dd has lost confidence. Can always upgrade if she gets really competitive and if that happens, you still have a nice horse for you and dh. Did you hack out before you bought?

Also. My favourite test for if a horse is supposed to be bomb proof or brave - put up a very small fence (to make it fair/safe) and then hang a jacket over it - weighed down if necessary so not flapping -and jump it. How do they react? I've bought some horses that evented to a v decent level of BE based on the bravery test! Also works as a great test for lower level horses to see if they are bomb proof and genuine.

SlowlorisIncognito Tue 10-Sep-13 19:12:54

frenchfancy I had a bad fall over jumps at about 12, and have never had the same confidence since, so I totally get the confidence thing. Some days I am happy to jump bigger, and regular jumping does help me. I'm still pretty confident going fast, and happy to sit on things that are sharp/spooky on the flat. However, going over jumps, I need to know that I have full control of the horse, and it's not likely to put a dirty stop in.

If this horse can help your DD get some more confidence, then it is worth lots of money. If in 18 months, she is ready to go onto bigger and better things, that is awesome, and if she is a good enough rider, she will be able to pick up rides on horses that are a bit more challenging/talented. However, given her recent set backs, pushing her too fast now could wreck her confidence completely.

I think you are doing the right thing.

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