Confessions of a teacher

(73 Posts)
PenguinBear Sat 07-Sep-13 21:10:00

Saw this thread on a teaching forum and thought it might be good for the MN staffroom!!

Anyone want to start? smile

ssd Sat 07-Sep-13 21:11:55

I don't know how you all do it without committing murder on a daily basis (confessions of a mum....)

but I'm glad you do grin

Ohshitnamechange Sat 07-Sep-13 21:16:21

I already have a couple of favourites!

PenguinBear Sat 07-Sep-13 21:26:19

Me too! blush

One of my TAs has a very negative opinion of some of the children as she moved up from the nursery with them and they would not behave for her. rolling around on the floor at carpet time was normal when with her. They have been lovely for me and very well behaved! grin

SuffolkNWhat Sat 07-Sep-13 21:28:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123everybodydancenow Sat 07-Sep-13 21:33:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2kidsintow Thu 12-Sep-13 22:04:00

I'm enjoying the fact that 2 particular pupils are no longer mine now they've moved up a year - although I do miss the class as a whole.

It's gratifying to hear that they are still up to the same old tricks with their new teacher and that it wasn't just me they acted up for.

HeyMicky Thu 12-Sep-13 22:10:23

Colleagues in nearby rooms (so we could see each other's reactions) would send notes to each other talking about the kid delivering the note. So you'd open up the (sealed) note and it would say "looks like a frog, right?" and then you'd politely thank the student while trying not to snort with laughter at his goggly eyes

AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou Thu 12-Sep-13 22:16:23

heymicky - that's quite mean

TigerSwallowTail Thu 12-Sep-13 22:20:36

That is horrid heymicky.

EvilTwins Thu 12-Sep-13 22:23:44

I have two favourites. I've taught them for 3 yrs (they're now yr 10 - I've taught them since yr 7) and I am going to be GUTTED when they leave. And they know it.

uneedme Thu 12-Sep-13 22:29:32

Heymicky thats just plain nasty. You don't deserve to be a teacher!

MiaowTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 08:54:01

We did have one or two particularly "challenging" kids at one time (the sort you'd love but the utter tornado of helpfulness, coupled with their behavioural difficulties, would be hard work at the best of times) where staff on occasions would send them off to go to all the classes with a note saying "Needs to cool off before getting into bother - can you pretend to read this and send them on to the next class saying that you've got that message thanks"... about the only "behind the back" note strategy I've ever seen used - and yes I had one in my own class who got sent running "messages" a few times when I could see he was bubbling for a kick-off.

Other minor confession - I nicked the name of a particularly delightful little girl I met doing supply for my own daughter!

SilverApples Fri 13-Sep-13 09:32:26

HeyMicky, that's vile.
WTF is a 'Social Media Manager' anyway?

slug Fri 13-Sep-13 11:51:56

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FeegleFion Fri 25-Oct-13 16:06:09

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LuvMyBoyz Fri 25-Oct-13 19:22:51

You made me laugh, heymicky! When my partner and I worked in the same school we would send each other ridiculous notes with kids and once he rushed into my class, gave me a kiss and ran out again. Kids were shocked...they never realised we were married.

LoopaDaLoopa Fri 25-Oct-13 19:27:25

oh good Lord this really isn't a good look. As a teacher, I think it prudent we don't spout this shit. Please. Casual racism and belittling of children simply isn't OK. Especially from a teacher.

BsshBossh Fri 25-Oct-13 19:32:36

This is turning out to be a horrid thread...

Euphemia Fri 25-Oct-13 19:54:59

Previous colleagues of mine were known to send PITA children to each other to ask for daft things like a tin of tartan paint, just to distract the child from some tension in the classroom which was causing their poor behaviour!

The walk across the school calmed them down, and gave the rest of the class a break!

nomorecrumbs Fri 25-Oct-13 20:00:22

How is that post casual racism? The poster said it was a school with a high % of immigrants from a culture that intermarries frequently. That's not discrimination, that's an observation.

missmapp Fri 25-Oct-13 20:00:52

I LOVE my current class and am thinking of ways of ensuring they never leave ( yr6) . Can I lose their secondary school applications- what do you reckon!! Looking at the current Yr5 , I am sorely tempted.

TwllBach Fri 25-Oct-13 20:25:31

I secretly love it when a small child slips their hand in mine - I love that, in that second, they trust/like me enough to want to.

It makes me sad that, in my school, it is frowned upon.

Euphemia Fri 25-Oct-13 20:28:37

I was a bit frazzled when I heard the umpteenth "Mrs Euphemia?" of the day yesterday, then the wee darling said "Mrs Euphemia? I love you." blush Aaaaaw. smile

BitchyHen Fri 25-Oct-13 20:40:13

I am a TA in a PRU and secretly I worry about my students when I'm not at work. It's been raining all evening and I've been worrying about a couple of students who are likely to be outside. There are a few I would like provide a hot meal, a bath and clean clothes for.

Morgause Fri 25-Oct-13 20:45:29

One of my mums was a wonderful dressmaker and made the most beautiful clothes for her daughter. The child was a little beauty as well and I couldn't resist sometimes sending her with a note to another teacher just so she could see how lovely the child looked before she wrecked the look at playtime.

Saw her recently and she's still a real beauty and still a scruff.

TwllBach Fri 25-Oct-13 20:46:16

Oooooh I also secretly love the excuse to belt out some cracking choooons

WHO PUT THE COLOURS IN THE RAINBOOOOW?
WHO PUT THE SPARKLE IN THE STAAAAAARS?

OldRoan Fri 25-Oct-13 20:50:47

Twll I teach a little boy who is very hard work. To try and distract him from something I asked him to read to me. He got his book and I pointed at the chair next to me. He looked totally baffled, and said "but I want to sit on your knee!" And just scrambled up.

I go a bit wobbly just thinking about it.

TwllBach Fri 25-Oct-13 20:53:59

<wells up> OldRoan that's lovely grin

I had a year four class once, and I read them Twas The Night Before Christmas with them all sitting at my feet. At one point, one little girl completely forgot herself and gasped with delight and clapped her hands together. It was a lovely moment.

I also love reading stories to Reception. The way they utterly lose themselves in the story and how it only deepens the more expression you put in. It is pure magic.

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Fri 25-Oct-13 21:21:48

My confessions aren't as sweet as the ones here but here we are anyway:

I think homework is a complete waste of time. I say thank you and praise children who do it but I don't punish ones who do not.

I ignore swearing

I quite like winding them up (not in a horrible way, just things like calling One Direction One Atlas - drives Y9 girls WILD grin)

I think a minority of kids are annoying little shits with few, if any redeeming features.

LJBanana Fri 25-Oct-13 21:30:10

Twll you sound like a lovely teacher.
I really believe that it is an honour to be trusted to play a role in other people childrens lives. I see that in my eldest son's teacher too. It makes me all wobbly. I secretly hope they'll remember me forever-for good reasons of course!

I was once locking up the theatre after an evening rehearsal (boarding school). It was nearly pitch black down there and a horrible building anyway, so I was hurrying (am not really woo but was imagining horrible things!). One of the boys in UVI snuck back down the stairs and jumped into the studio shouting 'boo!' and I shrieked 'FUCKING HELL!', except it was worse because I stopped myself half way through, realising it was a boy playing a prank, and so actually just shouted 'FUCK ngng!' He took great delight in telling everyone for the rest of the year that I'd told him to fuck off, which I really hadn't, though I guess it was close enough.

I quite miss him, the little sod grin

I am really crap at arty and display stuff. I thought I had made a good job of making a display of various 3D shapes. Another teacher said, "aw bless, did one of the kids try to build a castle out of the shapes. It is a shame to put them away again."
I just muttered, "I know but at least they have ownership of their learning. " blush
I then got the 7 year old to make a new display the next day - it was much better than mine.

Eggsiseggs Sat 26-Oct-13 07:19:56

Haha and awww to some of these!

Secondary teacher here. Sooo many teacher confessions!

I, too, think regular homework is a waste of time.

I probably let kids away with far too much (love the little blighters)

I join in with any ridiculous teacher jokes possible (not nasty ones!)

I confided once (to an a level student, to be fair!) that his coursework was so shit it was making me stressed, and that the class's general apathy towards their grades resulted in me going to the pub one Friday and smoking for the first time since the 90s <v. drunk>

I listen to the kids' gossip whilst appearing not to, and saying things like 'it's unkind to talk about others when they aren't here to defend themselves blah blah' . Especially listen to gossip/complaints about other teachers <eavesdropper>

Ah, these are so mild, really. Haven't even gotten on to the teacher 'Snapchat Cock Challenge' yet grin

martinedwards Sat 26-Oct-13 08:11:12

donkeys years ago I taught in a posh boarding school. my head of dept would be in the tech drawing room at the opposite end of the school from the tech workshop where I was.

One day he sent me a note to remind me to close the windows (doh!) on a folded up sheet of A0 (ie blinking HUGE) paper.

I said thanks to the young lad who brought the note and sent him on his way.

I got 4 of MY class, got them to put on their woodwork aprons, and I wrote "OK" on pencil on the top corner of a 8 x 4 sheet of plywood, and got the lads to take my note back to my HOD.

took them about 20 mins to negotiate all the corridors because THEY were laughing so much

Euphemia Sat 26-Oct-13 08:44:20

martinedwards

Class! grin

steppemum Sat 26-Oct-13 09:17:13

It is years since I was in the classroom but..

I had favourites.

And I still think of some of them and wonder what they are up to.

And we played (gentle) tricks on kids all the time.
My favourite - my first name is 'steppe' and so was the name of the NQT in the class next door. One of my year 3 (known for being very gullible) found that out and was amazed that there were 2 teachers called steppe. Ah yes, I said, it is a new rule that all new teachers are called steppe. At that moment a male teacher (also NQT) walked across the top of the hall I was in. ''Isn't that right Mr X, all new teachers have to have the first name Steppe?'' Oh yes he said, my first name is Steppe. and he walked off and the kid went off open mouthed. No idea how long she believed it!

missmapp Sat 26-Oct-13 18:27:46

Steppemum- I once convinced a whole class my first name was Miss ! They kept telling me it was a good job I became a teacher, because I could use my whole name!!!

Euphemia Sat 26-Oct-13 18:31:06

My class think it's hilarious that I claim there's a man called Mr Euphemia. grin It's like Mrs Euphemia is a unique identifier for me, and they can't accept that anyone else could have part of my name!

I have convinced a few classes that when you officially become a teacher you get eyes put in on the back of your head. gringrin

mineofuselessinformation Sat 26-Oct-13 19:16:44

I once went to work dressed as a punk - hair in a Mohican dyed with cochineal, festooned in chains with an anarchy sign eye-linered on my arm. The rumour went round that my twin sister taught in my place for the day. I was nearly thrown out of the staff room as they didn't recognise me, and kids were walking past and then reversing to get another look.... I have never again reached those heady heights of cool. grin
I love it when hulking great 14 year old boys forget themselves and call me mum. smile

roughtyping Sat 26-Oct-13 19:16:50

I dream about my classes! And DH always knows because I to in my sleep and say things like, "Little Jimmy, please sit in your seat."

I've cried over a few kids, thinking of their home life. One in particular. Hard work, but I would take him home any day. And he always asks after my husband and son. sad

BonnieBeaumont Sat 26-Oct-13 23:03:15

I've cried over some of my pupils also roughtyping! I've thought of a few of them this week as it's half term and I know they won't have eaten properly without their FSM sad

blueemerald Sun 27-Oct-13 18:47:48

I work in a secondary school for boys with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties in London. Like BitchyHen I worry about most some of them when I'm not at work. Holidays are hard.
I enjoy seeing the relief on their faces when they realise you are going to forgive them for throwing a table at you.

ilovesooty Tue 29-Oct-13 23:49:07

I once told a class of year 10s that the helicopter hovering over the school was an Ofsted helicopter doing a preliminary inspection. They were being watched through telescopic lenses and their behaviour was being reported back directly to the Department of Education. They even believed my story that they had to use police helicopters for this surveillance due to budget cuts. It did cause some difficulty for me when they asked the Head about the Ofsted helicopter...

NotAsTired Wed 30-Oct-13 20:49:22

It makes me smile when I do a day's supply at a school where I was doing maternity cover last year in reception and I walk through the hall at dinner time and about 20 year 1 children scream "Miss Notastired" and half a dozen children attempt to rugby tackle hug me.

MushroomFuckerSoup Thu 31-Oct-13 03:13:05

Some of these are bloody lovely!

Heymicky if you were in my school, I would suspend you for that. I despair of a culture that a) thinks that's funny and b) thinks that other teachers will agree.

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 04:24:36

Lol. Heymicky is right. Never quite so vicious though. Sure the kids said way worse about us.

I guess levels. Often

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 04:28:09

In fact I hate levels.

I don't believe in levels. I mean, I know they exist, but I think it's bloody ridiculous to so specifically grade such young children.

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:44:34

History. Level 3 was dk thing like describing change

At what level? PhD level ?

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:45:10

something

Bet levels were invented by a maths teacher

killpeppa Thu 31-Oct-13 08:54:07

I used to love married teachers!!
we had 6 married couples when I was in secondary school and 3 who were dating.
we had teacher who gave a girl a not to his girlfriend teacher saying could she meet in in a class room at lunch time as he needed help with some marking.
she turned up to a room filled of flowers and a proposal envy

mineofuselessinformation Thu 31-Oct-13 10:15:05

LordP - and what's that supposed to mean? grin

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 10:37:13

easily measurable.. - other subjects not as clear cut

zingally Thu 07-Nov-13 17:41:35

I have at least one, every year, that I just want to take home, give them a good tea, a hot bath, some games and tuck them up in a nice clean bed.

Some really do have horrible little lives and I'm surprisingly often the only reliable person they know. In that I do what I say I will and will react in predictable ways. And I won't just randomly hit them for no reason. They break my heart, those ones.

BobbyJones28 Fri 01-Aug-14 17:23:23

I have favourites and we used to make jokes about other students - sounds awful i know but I don't even care

MrsJoeDolan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:50:20

I still have every card and most of the mugs gifts kids gave me over the years.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 01-Aug-14 18:00:39

I love it when they call me mum too. <looking at you big scary stoner in year 11 a few years ago> oh how we laughed.
My kids went to my school and some kids didn't realise that thing one and two were mine, so when they called me mum...

Feenie Fri 01-Aug-14 18:31:07

Bobbyjones, why are you upping zombie threads?

Pennies Fri 01-Aug-14 18:37:31

I have a pair of very bling silver wellies at school which look a bit like astronaut boots. My Reception class believe that at weekends I wear them to visit the moon.

Also, when I start a class sometimes I'll go "Right then, you horrible lot..." a which point they all delightedly cry that they're not horrible and then I spend a few minutes making up a story about some really horrible children (that never existed) I once had that I momentarily got my current class confused with. These fictional horrible children have been "responsible" for all sorts of things and the class love hearing about them - the time when they all brought pet snails into school, the time when they all pretended to be asleep during the class, the time when they painted the windows black and we couldn't tell if it was night or day, or when some of them brought in the most delicious looking biscuits that were made from playdoh etc etc etc. They know it's all made up but sometimes you can see them just wondering...

minecraftismysaviour Sat 02-Aug-14 00:22:18

heymickey maybe it's a secondary school thing... I don't think that what you posted is bad. I've been doing this 17 yrs and back in the day when we invigilated we'd play " who is the student who..." and stand behind the relevant student who smelled/ was ugly/ had slept with most of the year.
I tell all of my gcse students that if they don't get a c they owe me 50 quid note. grin not collected one yetgrin

Crikey minecraft, yeah it really is that bad. You play a game standing behind the student who smells, was ugly? Ffs. Not good teacher material. I wonder what a secret note would say about you and heymickey? Nothing complimentary thats for sure. Neither of you sound cut out to be good teachers.
Lovely comments/insight into the rest of the teachers here who sound like they actually enjoy their job and care about younger people though.

2kidsintow Sat 02-Aug-14 01:39:34

I am going to miss my last bunch of kids a lot even though a few were hard work.

I job share and am always being called by the name of the other teacher by accident , especially as I was ill this year and she covered the class full time for a couple of months).

My stock answer or a joke sonetomes is "I'm not Miss S, do I look like Miss S?' Miss S is younger, far prettier and much thinner than me. It cracked me up when one of them answered "no, she.... has yellow hair.'

Oh and the hilarity of the sex ed talk is amazing.

minecraftismysaviour Sat 02-Aug-14 08:22:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oscarandelliesmum Sat 02-Aug-14 08:50:01

I have cried and worried over some of the kids.....wake up at four a.m type worrying. I remember being so disillusioned the first time (of many sadly) that I took a child protection concern to senior management. I expected social work to sweep in on white chargers to make life better for this poor child. But nothing changed. I did start bringing food into school with me every day to hand out though. I know a lot of teachers that do the same.

PittTheYounger Sat 02-Aug-14 08:53:41

Weird zombie thread a year old bobbie

PittTheYounger Sat 02-Aug-14 08:54:35

I do laugh though on this that no teachers are allowed to admit to thinking kids are ugly smelly or vile. We are SAINTS I tell you.

DownByTheRiverside Sat 02-Aug-14 09:22:25

I don't see the point and never have, about being nasty about children because of their appearance, their body hygiene or many other issues that they have little or no control over. It's not soemthing I'd tolerate in the class, so why would I participate even in my head?

What I do find funny is when some egocentric poppet thinks that by arguing and wheedling, they will change the odd in their favour.
The shock and adjustments they have to make when the answer is still 'no' or my judgement is that they were wrong, or that they will still have to surrender the item/deal with the consequences. That I won't lose my temper or shout, I will be consistent and calm despite provocation.
It's a whole new world, and it's hard not to laugh sometimes.

Oscarandelliesmum Sat 02-Aug-14 09:37:16

Yes, some kids are vile! But when you look at the parents you can usually see why a seven year old thinks it is acceptable to call his teacher a stupid fat bitch because he has been asked to sit down.
To be honest I think a lot of the less repeatable staff room chat is a human reaction to quite an extreme environment ( not all schools obviously, lots make you want to skip through the door and you find yourself rehearsing little jokes to make them laugh in the car).
But certainly in some schools when a colleague says that they have had a bastard of a morning and that little Johnny has been awful, she is probably telling the truth and needs to vent for her own sanity before going back in to do it all again.

DownByTheRiverside Sat 02-Aug-14 10:25:39

I agree that most of the children who exhibit vile behaviour, are aggressive, abusive, manipulative or just horrible to try and teach have identifiable reasons for their unpleasantness. Often the way they have been parented, or the lack of it.
It's why it's even more important that school staff stay reasonable, fair and mature when they are dealing with them. How else will those children have a chance at changing?
Yes, of course I've had a rant about some of the shit that happens in class and out of it, and it does help you stay sane and put things into perspective.
But to play nasty, bitchy games on a child? Not acceptable.

Feenie Sat 02-Aug-14 12:11:52

Totally agree.

minecraftismysaviour I know its the past. Does that make it better somehow then? confused I don't think so.

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