Going back tomorrow after anxiety stress- scared!

(65 Posts)
AmIGoingMad Sun 06-Jan-13 21:43:19

I'm going back in tomorrow after being off since end nov with anxiety and AND. Dr has given paper to phase return over the first week. Meeting head first thing in morning. Just scared in general at the thought of going bk. have been in much better place mentally and physically last few weeks and dreading setting myself back. I do feel though like the longer I'm off the harder it will be. Is this job even for me? Aargh! Driving myself mad!

ep1977 Sun 06-Jan-13 22:09:52

are you a teacher? i do pt supply since having my dd 3 yrs ago. its a stressful job and you are in the limelight. its natural to feel nervous so just do your best and try to enjoy it! if your doubting if its the job for you then can you afford to change jobs.. do u need a high wage to meet bill demands etc
Good luck x

AmIGoingMad Sun 06-Jan-13 22:12:57

Yes. Secondary and teach 0.8 timetable. Have been finding it so much harder since having my beautiful dc and am now pregnant again. Think I just have to try my best to get through this week and really do some soul searching- and bank account checking hmm

AmIGoingMad Sun 06-Jan-13 22:13:51

And thank you for you reply and good luck wish!

icepole Tue 08-Jan-13 22:25:36

How did you get on? Am off myself ar the moment and am very anxious about going back. Hope the school are supportive.

AmIGoingMad Thu 10-Jan-13 10:06:27

Sorry only now posting icepole- as you can imagine the last few days have been a bit busy!
I was in tears the first morning and cried right through my return to work meeting. It did however help head see that dr recommendation for phasing return was a sensible one. Have had 2 days non contact to catch up on stuff and then taught a couple of lessons. It went ok. My colleagues have been incredibly supportive, as have some of senior staff. I still don't feel quite right and being there isn't easy but I do feel its getting easier. I feel I'm at a point where I can manage ok- let's hope I still feel that way after a full day!
I'm still questioning if its the job for me but that's a whole other thread I think.
I hope that you find someone supportive to help with your return. When are you due back?

icepole Thu 10-Jan-13 11:18:36

Great you are getting support. Don't know yet, dr next week, see how I feel from now till then. My school are not at all supportive which makes it stressful.

AmIGoingMad Thu 10-Jan-13 15:15:35

Sorry to hear that icepole. If I'm honest my friends in work are the ones who have made it more manageable. There's one person on slt who has a more human side and I've been going through him on most things. Have they asked about referring you to occ health? Could that be a gd way of getting some support? I haven't had meeting with occ health yet but have asked for one to support my return. I was scared at the thought before but a colleague went to them a whole ago and felt that they were very supportive of her needs, before the school's.
The tough thing when you're off with stress/ anxiety/ depression ( not sure which if any are relevant to you) is that you also feel you can't leave the house when in fact you need to get out to raise your spirits. It's such a tough time.

icepole Thu 10-Jan-13 15:37:47

I am off with post viral fatigue which
I am pretty sure was triggered by stress.

I have asked for OH 3 times now, school refuse to refer me. I want there support as I can't trust SMT to be decent.

AmIGoingMad Thu 10-Jan-13 16:43:14

Is there any of contacting human resources and inquiring direct with them? Not really sure how referral thing works. Can you get your dr to put in paper that you might be up to a phased return conditional on oc health assessment and then stay off if school don't comply? What have your union said?

icepole Thu 10-Jan-13 17:11:47

Union said I could self refer, hr say I can't, going to email them again tomorrow. Has been a nightmare! I went back once before with a phased return agreed to do mornings only. Arrived and they gave me much more and when I said it was too much they said I had to do it. I was in tears by 9:15 and signed back off. Spent the next two days in bed.

AmIGoingMad Thu 10-Jan-13 22:19:49

Oh icepole that's awful! Have you asked your union to meet with head or hr to get this sorted? How can you be expected to go back to such a hostile environment when you're still not back to feeling like yourself?! Surely it's in the schools interest to support you and get you back healthy as soon as possible! This must be making a tough situation even more difficult for you.

AmIGoingMad Fri 11-Jan-13 19:13:52

So much for that! I really thought I was on the mend then I went in today and they tried to go bk on phased return agreement. It took me having a meltdown for them to reinstate it. Managed to stay there for the day but really feel back to square two if not one. Should really have left this morning but really feel like I feel a little more normal in home life with some sort of structure to my day and not checking over shoulder when out of house. Don't know if I can stay in this profession- it seems to be driving me slightly mad!!!

icepole Fri 11-Jan-13 20:47:06

That's awful!! What reason did they give? I don't understand why they do it, is an awful way to treat somone. That is exactly what they did to me. I got an appointment with OH finally.

I need out, I used to love teaching but I hate it now. This school has broken me.

AmIGoingMad Sat 12-Jan-13 21:14:38

Just said it couldn't be covered so I had to do it. Didn't in the end but it was stress I didn't need that definitely set me bk. dreading a full wk including parents evening this wk- hope I don't break down if any parent gets arsey!

When is your appt with oh? At least that's been sorted now which is a small step in the right direction.

Do you want out of profession altogether or current school? I'm wondering about the profession and if I can stay in it too at the moment to be honest.

orangeandlemons Sat 12-Jan-13 21:22:44

This was me in July. I had been off six months with stress and anxiety and went back on a phased return. I also had to cope with no one there to cover my classes.

However what I don't understand is the terms of your phased return. Are you going in all day every day, and just picking up a few lessons, or are you only going in for the lessons you have picked up. Am very hmm at you do parents eve. The length of time you have been off, you should be doing a 6 week phased return.........

However, I was terrified at first, and it took me quite a long time to get back into the swing (about October 1/2 term) but actually am fine now, and just see it as a job....I am however stuffed up to the eyeballs with paroxetine which has been marvellous in making me not care. hth

AmIGoingMad Sun 13-Jan-13 00:07:02

They seem to have phased me over one week with idea that I go back to normal as of mon. I've been there all day but only in the agreed classes. Noone even had a meeting with me at end of wk or arranged for one for mon to make sure I'm coping. It seems that I'm in a sink or swim situation to be honest. They are still going to refer me to occ health but while I'm bk in normal job rather than to get me into it. They seem to be trying to get their pound of flesh and I'm trying to stay above water. DH wants me to go bk to docs and go bk off but I feel like I'll find it harder and harder to go bk the longer I'm off. Also feel like I'm prisoner in house if I am off as I live in catchment too. Bit of a lose lose at the moment.
Oranges- how long did it take for you to feel normal about going there in the mornings? Right now I have to psyche myself up massively to get there and before each lesson.

orangeandlemons Sun 13-Jan-13 11:08:59

How long we're you off for? 6 weeks? I would have thought this would have meant a 2 week phase or 3. However bearing in mind that you have been off with stress it is up to them to decide the most suitable time. Basically it is at their discretion how long it is? Was your union involved at all?

It does seem a bit much one week phased and then straight in.......

orangeandlemons Sun 13-Jan-13 11:11:40

I was off for six months. It took about 6 weeks to feel normal and about another six weeks to start enjoying it again. Just, when I had started to feel fine, bloody Ofsted came in! But I was ok. However I am on very very good meds that just make me not care about much! I think you might need longer off if you still feel wobbly

icepole Sun 13-Jan-13 14:08:03

My appointment is the 24th. Hopefully the dr will keep me off until then.

I want out. I hate the job now. The school I am in is especially bad however, staff treated really badly there. I know they will not give a shit once I am back, I am hoping OH will protect me a bit. Want to cry every time I think about having to go back in there.

AmIGoingMad Mon 14-Jan-13 20:24:10

Well today was slightly easier although I did have a difficult class but was just happy that I made it through that. That said today was probably the lightest day on my timetable. Tomorrow will be the biggest challenge with parents evening. Just hoping I don't have any confrontational parents as that could well tip me over. I'm still going ahead with oc health referral as I really think I need help to sort myself out in the long term. Wish me luck for tomorrow! Although oranges that probably seems like a walk in the park when you had ofsted to contend with.

Icepole- have you spoken to your dr? It seems to make sense for you to stay off til you see oc health if you feel you're getting no support from school. How are you feeling at the moment?

icepole Mon 14-Jan-13 22:17:38

Pretty good day today, think I am getting a better handle on what my body can cope with. Before as soon as I felt better I was rushing around and then ending up back in my bed. I want to wait until I see OH, do not trust SMT, but I think if I do they will cut my favourite course. Catch 22.

Hope tomorrow is ok, will you be alone meeting parents? We have to be two staff to a room here.

AmIGoingMad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:25:42

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel a bit better. It's nice to feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel!
I actually coped with parents evening! I was half expecting to need to leave in tears before it but I pulled it off. Was in rm with one colleague. Had expected slt members to call in during evening to check I was coping but that didn't happen hmmSuppose I should have known that from the start. Each day is making me feel a little stronger but I'm generally not having contact with slt as that could be more scary as I'm not sure how they feel about me now. Full day on fri- will see how that goes ...

icepole Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:52

Glad you got through it. Know what you mean about SMT, hate dealing with them. Dr tomorrow for me, want to stay off until I see OH if possible. I had a bad day yesterday, ok today. This is what is worrying me, it's all a but random as to when I feel well and when I don't.

AmIGoingMad Thu 17-Jan-13 09:19:59

Good luck with dr. I'm sure he/she will understand and be supportive.

icepole Thu 17-Jan-13 09:54:01

Just out and signed off for 4 weeks. Relieved but dreading letting the school know!

AmIGoingMad Thu 17-Jan-13 13:40:30

Good! Glad the doctor was sensible. And remember that it's the schools own fault for dragging their feet over oc health referral!

AmIGoingMad Thu 24-Jan-13 08:26:25

Hi icepole! I'm sure you said your appt was today. Good luck with it- let me know how you get on.

icepole Thu 24-Jan-13 10:38:00

It is, well remembered! I will let you know, am nervous! How have you been getting on?

AmIGoingMad Thu 24-Jan-13 12:26:28

Don't be! From what I've heard they're very supportive of you. I'm still waiting to hear about an appt.
I'm getting there. It's still not easy but being with the class is ok. It's just really draining! And I haven't even started trying to catch up on marking yet- I'm in denial on that front to be honest.

icepole Thu 24-Jan-13 18:53:31

Thanks, was really good. She asked lots of questions and said it was classic chronic fatigue and she will support a phased return over 6-8 weeks. See what the school say!

AmIGoingMad Thu 24-Jan-13 20:11:48

I'm glad it went well. Sounds like she was nice and understanding. I know the schools want staff back as soon as possible but they should understand that rushing bk will only end in more problems down the line. Oc health lady sounds sensible to me!

icepole Fri 25-Jan-13 00:05:11

Hope you get seen soon. She was really helpful, said rushing would just delay recovery and there was no way I could do full days any time soon. She said she has most of her battles from education!

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 25-Jan-13 00:14:37

just marking a place - different job - same stress and anxiety - same problems.

ive been referred to OH but they keep cancelling my appointment. im also currently signed off....GP has also said i need a phased return to work (not a teacher - am in police)

hope you dont mind me muscling in!

icepole Fri 25-Jan-13 06:21:29

Hello, sorry to hear that you are in a similar position. I really recommend staying off until you see OH. Is your dr supportive? I imagine the police is similar to teaching in that there are no quiet days, it's all or nothing. What's your line manager been like?

icepole Mon 04-Feb-13 09:20:27

How are you both doing? I am about to have a meting with my depute head and faculty head. Very nervous!

AmIGoingMad Fri 22-Feb-13 20:33:38

So sorry I went AWOL icepole! Going back to work has meant that the time machine I was after is now something I desperately need. I survived last half term -just. The first week of this one has been more challenging though and I don't even know why. I had oh appt today and I went quite well- have to go back in a few weeks time.
How was your meeting with deputy head? Are you back in school phased now? How are you feeling?

AmIGoingMad Fri 22-Feb-13 20:35:00

Sorry vicarina- have you managed to get oh to keep appt yet? How are you feeling?

icepole Fri 22-Feb-13 20:47:23

Phased return starts Monday, OH suggested 8 weeks, school said I can have four. Is better than nothing, going back but not sure I am ready. Sick pay has run out however so that is that. Very, very nervous about next week.

Glad you feel you are surviving. I think things will be rough until the summer here.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 22-Feb-13 21:03:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmIGoingMad Sat 23-Feb-13 09:42:36

Thanks for the message shmalzing.

Icepole I don't understand how school can say ok to 4 wks when 8wks was recommended? I understand how you'll be feeling this wkend and on mon morning. Just keep thinking that the reality on mon can't be as awful as you're thinking it will be- I speak from experience. What will you be doing Monday lessons and hours wise? Don't expect too much from yourself and take each thing one step at a time. I'd psyche myself up for driving in, then walking into building etc. I tried to arrive early so that I wouldn't be walking in past pupils at first.

AmIGoingMad Sun 24-Feb-13 22:11:47

Just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow icepole. Take it one step at a time- you will get through this.

AmIGoingMad Tue 26-Feb-13 19:00:46

How was it Icepole?

ProphetOfDoom Tue 26-Feb-13 23:16:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Wed 27-Feb-13 14:18:03

Monday was bad, very unwell after. Today a bit more manageable. I think it is going to be a hard few months.

ProphetOfDoom Wed 27-Feb-13 19:04:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Wed 27-Feb-13 19:48:55

Sounds good!! I might go get some acupuncture, it helps with the pain/nausea and is quite relaxing.

Today I has waves of feeling bad so it wasn't constant so better than Monday.

ProphetOfDoom Wed 27-Feb-13 20:25:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Thu 28-Feb-13 12:42:43

First time for me but I was desperate! It's been really good, it's a bit strange but weirdly relaxing too.

AmIGoingMad Thu 28-Feb-13 16:51:28

Glad it seems to be gradually getting better icepole and that's great advice from shmalzing.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 28-Feb-13 20:37:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Fri 01-Mar-13 17:01:02

And done. Today was my hardest day, feel pretty rough now. Only sat and read a play with my seniors. I just don't see how I will cope with full on teaching. Nothing to be done though, have to do it. Am pretty sore now, hope the whole weekend isn't buggered.

How is everyone else getting on?

AmIGoingMad Fri 01-Mar-13 18:46:45

Well done on your first week. I know it's hard but it does start to get better week by week. Just take each day at a time.
I'm getting there slowly but not back to normal. I'm working with a very capable student at the moment which is proving positive.
Hang on in there- it will get better.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 01-Mar-13 19:16:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Fri 01-Mar-13 19:44:31

I am working on a plan that will get me out of education hopefully by the summer. Plan to have a site with audio stories for children and do some storytelling sessions for younger children too. If I can get well enough I will set up a youth theatre too, I ran one before but not well enough right now. Need to survive until the summer. Big stress is my senior class who have been left to rot. No idea how I will catch them up.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 01-Mar-13 19:53:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Fri 01-Mar-13 20:22:41

Drama. My worry is they need to do a production which is a massive amount of work. I love it usually, but it does require working every lunch time and after school too which I am not up I right now. They should have done all their essays and be almost ready to perform at this stage. They have done nothing. And the external examiner is due soon. Anyway one day at a time and all that, trying hard not to stress!

ProphetOfDoom Fri 01-Mar-13 22:04:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icepole Fri 01-Mar-13 22:40:55

I really don't know! I am hacked off because I kept asking for an update on where they were at but was ignored and now I'm in the shit. They are an inexperienced group too so have no performance experience. Lovely kids, it's a shame for them.

AmIGoingMad Wed 06-Mar-13 21:19:51

How are you doing this week icepole?

icepole Wed 06-Mar-13 21:37:30

Monday was bad but settled after that, up to full days next week. How are you getting on?

AmIGoingMad Thu 07-Mar-13 07:41:20

It's ok here but I'm pregnant too so getting more and more tired and not sure where to find the time to do my usual work, let alone the stuff I still need to catch up with from being ill.

I was also thinking- is there any way you could contact exam board? They do special consideration for pupils- could they maybe give you a but of leeway with examiner visit etc? Also- are there any good pace students in your school at the moment who would be interested in helping you with the performance for their extra curricular?

AmIGoingMad Thu 07-Mar-13 07:41:54

Pgce not pace

icepole Thu 07-Mar-13 09:01:31

Congratulations!!! Put yourself first, your health is your priority.

With the production, it's a very specialist thing, it's not something anyone else in the school can do, even the other drama teacher can't teach this course. That's why it's just been left.

AmIGoingMad Fri 08-Mar-13 20:53:36


That sounds tricky as its so specialist but maybe a student would at least be able to take on some admin/ supervision of rehearsals or anything small that allows them to tick a box and you to have a few minutes to breathe?

Have a nice weekend and keep thinking that its not long til Easter thank goodness!

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