Mumsnet Talk

What is the funniest thing a child you have taught has ever done or said?

Not a teacher, but Brownie Guider. We were doing our disability awareness badge and had a blind lady in with her dig to talk to the girls. When it got to time for questions, one of them asked "do you like being blind?". Bless the woman, she handled it very well.

"my mum has the same coat as you"........ "but hers is a lot smaller"

there is obviously a theme with these - but another child ...

"I just love your big, fat, wobbly, squashy tummy" gave her a hug and said -" what a lot of lovely adjectives!" whilst trying not to giggle and blush at the same time....

<primary mid-day supervisor, but we are allowed in the staffroom at school>

"why can i feel a heartbeat in my bum?"

During a HMI observation.

'How many dead people have you rescued?' (Year 4 child to a visiting Firefighter)

"How old were you in Tudor times?" (different Year 4 child to ME during our introduction to the Tudor topic!!!)

Oh, and in another observation (not inspection related thankfully)...

"Miss, I think I'm going to find this too easy"

I hadn't even shared the Learning Intention yet!!!

Miss, how do you spell DS? (as in Nintendo)

Miss, you look like you are still pregnant in that top! Wouldn't mind but DD is 22 months old!

"How old are your grandchildren?" I was 23.
"does Luke have a caterpillar?" I was a bit by this and it took me a minute to work out he was asking if Luke had a tummy bug!

Miss what is 'common sense'?

Year 10 coursework:

Both poems deal with the topic of pre-natal sex.

A parent who wasnt sure of who I jobshare with said 'oh, the THIN one!'

Yeah, cheers pal!!!

One of the girls in my class can't say the classroom assistant's name so calls her 'miss doodah' which I love

Poetry in yr6, looking at 'Sea Fever' ("I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky...")

"Lonely sea is personification"
"Yes, can you explain why?"
"Well it can't really be lonely, because it's got fish in it."

Im a CM. The other day me and mindee were having lunch, I put salt on mine. His mum doesn't have salt on the table at home. He said, "CM where did you get that salt?" I said, "I got it from the kitchen" he said, "no, we don't have salt in the kitchen, you must have stole it from the pub!" He is 2! His mum almost had a fit when I told her!!

"How do you know when to put a full stop?"
" When my hand starts to ache!"

Year 8 RE written piece about Tibetan Buddhism

"The Buddhists in Tibet are led by the Daily Llama"

I was just impressed they could spell llama correctly!

Ecolady - that's very funny.

ProudNeathGirl - that reminds me of the time i asked the children what you sometimes see blind people with apart from a guide dog and one of the children responded with 'a guide cat?'

Keep them coming!!!

My sister is a school librarian and was asked "When you get old and sick and die, who will you leave the library to?"

One of my Facebook friends cracked me up today by saying her daughter had said "Mummy, you look a mixture of old and young in that dress". Oh yes, how? "I mean you look like an old person, in a young person's dress"

Bloody kids.

I had a teen ask me last year 'Are you pregnant?' (I'm 45) and I said calmly, 'No, just fat - but I'm thrilled you think I'm young enough that I might be'......

My colleagues in the staffroom hooted with laughter when I told them, but as I pointed out - 'Hey! I look like I still get sex and I'm not menopausal yet!'

Difficult to find a silver lining in that one, but I managed!

Not to me but to a colleague:

Y4 science lesson, colleague asks, "What are the physical changes you notice after you do exercise?"

Lots of sensible suggestions such as raised heart rate, breathing hard, sweating. Then one boy puts up his hand and says, "Your nipples bleed."

What kind of exercise was he having?! Press ups on a sander?

Running! He must have seen joggers nipple!

me: "who can tell me what a verb is?"

child: "It's the writing on the back of a book telling you what the story is about".

"You look lovely Miss"

Said on my first day by year 7 in special ed school

Honestly didn't know what to say!

My mother enjoyed the following exchange with a 6-yr old when looking at a picture in a book with him.
'And what do you think the people are doing in this picture?'
Boy, very gravely: 'I shudder to think'

The homework task was to create sentences by linking two clauses with a connective, then to write some of their own sentences in the same form.

"My mum is great but my dad is socially inept."

I can't possibly guess which parent helps with homework!

Yr 6 boy in my class (in the top group for everything, --except common sense--) looking at a Nazi war medal, with the swastika on one side and '1939' on the other:

"It even has the date written in English!"

New one - Child: I want a grasshopper for Christmas. Transpired she meant a space hopper!

A little cherub in my class said to the teacher next door, "I think all the teachers in this school are really pretty - even Mrs Natsmum."

And a little one to my friend who is a HT: Have you got a baby in your tummy?
Friend: No, I'm just a bit fat.
L.O.: Do you think you've been eating the right sort of food?

PShE class
"We are doing sex with Mrs Wolfie next!"
Hmmm

Conversation at the table the other day.

Child 1. "Does he have Aspergers or something?" about another, smaller child.
Child 2. laughs
Child 1. " Do you even know what Aspergers is?"
Child 2. "Yes it's a vegetable"
Child 3. "No it's a kind of burger"

Child 1 (seriously): what do you get when a horse and a zebra have a baby?
Child 2 (still seriously): A leprichaun
Child 1: Really? I thought they were like fairies, not horses
Child 2: No they're horses with a spike.

Turns out she meant unicorn, and she really believed that horses and zebras together made baby unicorns. It would be really cute in a young child but it's a little worrying in a 16yo about to leave school.

Written in homework diary - "Test don't forget cumpiss."

Compass, compass!!

These are great! I love the sex ed one and the compass.

pmsl at Mrs doodah...cause that is a term I know to have been used instead of the word boobs.

Im not a teacher but my sis comes out with some brilliant ones. 18 years old and I was explaining that I was watching the gazelles on tv "running in the wild" Her confused reply was "what the newspaper"? erm no not the gazette.

"Miss???.... Computer's fucked....."
He was 4...

That reminds me, I've had 'look it's pissing it down!' from a nursery child. You mean it's raining, darling?!

When my form were in Year 8, I was writing a note to another teacher and signed my (first) name at the bottom of it. A girl at the front, who has the same name, asked why I'd written something about her, so I explained it was my name too.

At this point another girl at the back chimed up with "Oh! Are you sisters?"

The whole class turned as one and gave her a withering look!

My own child, so cheating, but:

"If I smacked you in the face, that wouldn't be kind, would it Mum?"

DD3 is 3.7 and is exploring the categorisation of actions

I'm currently having my first experiences on supply with year 1 (I'm KS2 trained really), so I'm getting the first joys of innocent mis-spellings.

Writing about their toys: "I cunt slep wiv ot mi dolly"

"she" spelled as "shiy", but the y is back to front and written fully above the line so it looks like a t. This doll's owner says "shit can tok and shit can wok and shit can cri and shit has lot of clths to wer"

Love it!

When starting the Romans topic with my year three class some years ago, one seven year old informed me with great authority that the reason why the Romans had not invaded Scotland was because they were afraid of the "Pixies" (I think she meant Picts!)

Another occasion I remember auditioning pupils for a play where we needed a jester to tell jokes.

Most pupils came up with the usual "Knock knock" and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" variety but one seven year olds contribution was "Why can't Barbie have babies? Because Ken comes in a box..." We all stuffed our hands in our mouths and tried the "that's nice dear" line.

He admitted he didn't get it but that his brother had told it to him...

Year 7 pupil, really loudly 'Why is that bloke so tall?' (that bloke being the deputy head)
LSA 'Don't be rude, he might ask why you are so small?'

Year 7 'It's coz I smoke innit?'

Not quite so cute, but did make me laugh.

Name one of the five senses - sense of humour!

In class one warm summers day, one of my 7 year old boys came up to me, wobbled my upper arms and said " my nannys got those" I was only 35 ish at the time and definitely had no bingo wings.
In another class, boy writing about what he did at the weekend " my dad went for a wa-k in the park" ( he misspelled walk if you see what I mean) he did read it back correctly to me though.

We're doing the Tudors, so I started with a "What I Know" exercise on post-it notes.

Apparently one of Henry VIII's wives was called Amber Lynne Such a pretty name!

Best insult I've ever heard from a seven year old who was all worked up at the time:

"Yeah... Well... You've got bananas coming out yer bum!"

Just remembered I started this thread a while ago, as I have a new one to add today.

Me: What's your favourite kind of soup?
Child: Cuppa!

Year 1 child whilst reading, me attempting to ensure she understood the context of story:
Me: Do you know what a bridesmaid is?
Her: Yes. I used to be one but now I'm a Christian.

Interpret that one if you can....